Kari writes:

I am pregnant with baby number 2 and we can’t seem to agree on a girl name. If this baby is a boy, he will be Everett Eli. For a girl, we have no idea. Our first is Claire Elisabeth. I love the name Ingrid for a girl, but it is out by association with an ex-. We like Lucie Jane, but I wonder how that fits with Claire or if it is too trendy. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

When I am in doubt, when I know not which way to turn—that is when I find I do in fact know which way to turn, because I turn to The Baby Name Wizard. You have a girl named Claire already, so let’s look at sister names: Elise, Caroline, Isabel, Leah, Hope. Ooo, nice! I especially like Elise and Hope.

And since you have a boy name chosen, we can look at sister names for Everett, too, just to see what sorts of names might be similar in style: Genevieve, Cora, Adele, Estella, Antonia. More good pickings. I love Genevieve (first runner-up for our girl), and I like Estella, too, although I think I’d go for Estelle.

You’re worried that Lucie/Lucy might be too trendy, so let’s take a look at that. I’m going to quote from The Baby Name Wizard because coincidentally it addresses that very issue: “The numbers may look modest, but don’t be fooled. Lucy’s a stealth hit among affluent, trend-setting urbanites who appreciate its sweetness and absolute lack of pretension.” The name Lucy was the #152 most popular baby name in the U.S. in 2006 (source: Social Security Administration), and that doesn’t include variant spellings such as Lucie. (For comparison, Claire was the #86 name in 2006.) I think Claire and Lucie are great together.

Let’s ask Mairzy!

I like the name Lucie very much. It’s sweet and cute. It will always sound a little cute, but she’ll be growing old with Lily, Emily, and Kaylie, so the cuteness won’t stand out. It can grow up (“For more information about our Angel Tree project, please see Lucie Jones.”) and I like it with Claire. My comments on the name are:

1. If it’s going to be a full name (not a nickname), then I approve of the -ie spelling. It signals that it’s a full name in and of itself.

2. A little Lucie might want a longer name to take her through adulthood. But the only options I’ve found are Lucinda, Lucille, and Lucia. The first two I don’t like, and the third one is formidably elegant, with built-in pronunciation headaches. Not, come to think of it, that any of those are reasons not to use those names. (“I’m sorry, Lucie. I knew you would want a longer name, but years ago I found out that Mairzy didn’t like any of the options, and that was that.”)
.
Other suggestions along the Lucie line, not all of which I love personally, but most of which I’ve seen work well on a little girl:

Laura Jane
Annie Jane
Violet Jane
Louisa Jane
Lilly Jane
Nora Jane
Mercy Jane
Ella Jane
Stella Jane

Stella is a name I’m trying to like, because it’s a great name… just a bit stale. And Mercy? I know, it’s still an old-lady stretch. But I like the name — mostly because of the meaning — and my husband gives me the crooked-eyebrow look every time I mention it. So I’m offering it to the world. Is that a crooked eyebrow I see?

Best wishes as you bring up two girls!

I especially like Violet and Lily with Claire.

Mairzy and I disagree on the spelling of Lucie/Lucy: I think “Lucie” looks like the nickname, and that “Lucy” looks like the complete name. I do, however, like the way the spelling Lucie looks with the name Claire: I think it’s visually pleasing the way the L, C, I, and E all repeat.

Okay! Time to vote! Pick a favorite from the poll to the right [poll closed; see below], and leave comments/suggestions below!

[Poll results:
Lucy/Lucie: 58 votes, roughly 63%
Hope: 1 vote, roughly 1%
Elise: 19 votes, roughly 21%
Genevieve: 2 votes, roughly 2%
Estelle: 1 vote, roughly 1%
Violet: 6 votes, roughly 7%
Lily: 5 votes, roughly 5%]

Leanne writes:

Our baby name dilemma is choosing a name for a second daughter. I feel like we either used or rejected all our potential names girls’ names for our first daughter and now we can’t find anything we like for number two. Our surname is Cheng and as our future daughter would be of Chinese ethnicity it would be good if the name wasn’t overtly connected with a particular country (ie. not distinctly Irish, Russian etc) although it’s fine if it’s a name that has crossed over into regular English use. Our first daughter’s name is Gabriella Grace and it would be good to have a name with a similar feel (but not matching). If it’s a boy we are thinking of Ethan which we think goes pretty well with Gabriella. We are not planning on using any family names this time around as we already used Grace (my MIL’s name) and while everyone else seems to have Emilys and Williams in their family tree, mine reads like a list of the worst names in history (seriously – Maureen, Frank, Mildred, Doris, Arthur, Edith, Norman – Urgh!)

We tend to like classic names and biblical names. Actually, that’s not entirely true – I tend to like names that are a bit more unusual (Willow, Autumn, Bliss, Keiko) and my husband likes any girl’s name that was in the top 50 twenty years ago (Jennifer, Sarah, Rachel) but classic and biblical names tend to be where we find the most agreement (hence – Gabriella Grace).

Some of the names that we like but have rejected are:

• Emily (Beautiful but WAY too common)
• Isabelle (Beautiful but WAY too common and too matchy with Gabriella)
• Alexandria/Alexandra (Great name but I couldn’t live with her forever being called “Alex”)
• Annastasia (Great name but I couldn’t live with her forever being called “Anna” or “Annie”)
• Cassandra (I like it but my husband hates it)

Other names that we couldn’t do:

Olivia/Sophie/Hannah/Lily/Rosie/Ruby/Caroline/Ellen/Audrey (We have close friends/family who have already used these names)

The one name we are still considering is Taya (a diminutive of Dorothy) which we both like but my concern is that it sounds too modern to go with Gabriella (and a possible future Ethan) and that it is one of those fad names (along with Mia/Maya/Mya/Tia/Kaia) that in 20 years time is going to sound horrendously dated.

Can you help us? I am terrified this child will come along and we will end up naming her something that we don’t like that much just because we don’t have anything better. We are adopting so I can’t give you a due date but we are hoping it will be some time this year.

I see you don’t like nicknames (no Alex, no Annie), and the good news is that the trends are fully on your side. When I was growing up, I had a friend named Elizabeth who had a TERRIBLE TIME trying to make people call her Elizabeth—and furthermore, I remember people being annoyed that she was trying, like she was being pretentious or something. But now, there have been three Elizabeths in my kids’ classes, and all three went by Elizabeth without anyone blinking an eye. In fact, you’d be in more trouble if you WANTED to call an Elizabeth “Liz” or a James “Jim.”

On the other hand, I’m totally with you about not wanting to take the chance. My daughter’s pseudonym is Elizabeth, and one of the only reasons it’s not her real name is that I was nervous about nicknames—not so much about nicknames other people might give her (I was planning to use soft words and a big stick to talk them out of it), but about nicknames she might give to herself. So for now, let’s look mostly at names that don’t BEG for nicknames: we’ll take out Annastasia/Annie, Cassandra/Cassie, Isabelle/Bella, and Alexandria/Alex.

No, wait. I’m putting Annastasia back in, but I’m spelling it the traditional way: Anastasia. I think the double N invites the nickname Annie, but that with a single N it’s less of an obvious leap. Plus, I love the name, I love it with your surname, and I think it’s great with Gabriella.

I’m not familiar with Taya as a short form of Dorothy, and I don’t see it in the Oxford Dictionary of First Names. But in any case, I don’t think it’s good with Gabriella or with your surname.

Emily is, as you say, very common (it’s been the #1 most popular girl name in the U.S. since 1996, according to the Social Security Administration). Although, a funny thing about that: there hasn’t been a single Emily in all my kids’ classes so far (that’s 9 classes including preschool). There have been multiple Isabellas, Abigails, Emmas, and Noahs, but not a single Emily. So if you love the name, it’s worth looking into whether it’s as popular in your area as it is in mine—which is to say, hardly popular at all. It’s a great name, which is why it’s so popular, and it’s great with your surname.

Perhaps not as great with Gabriella. Emily is a feminine name, but Gabriella is practically festooned with lace and roses. I, too, am a fan of extra-feminine names (I have one girl and four boys, and my one girl has the most feminine name I could find). I’d consider Clarissa: it’s one of my top favorites, it’s great with your surname, and it’s good with Gabriella.

And speaking of being good with Gabriella, let’s see what The Baby Name Wizard thinks would be good sister names. “Gabriella” isn’t listed, but the sister names for Gabriela are Daniela, Natalia, Angelica, Mariana, Iliana; and the sister names for Gabrielle are Alexandra, Brooke, Natalie, Noelle, and Jocelyn.

Any of those appeal? I could go for Angelica (Anjelica Huston is a bitchin’ namesake and argues for the spelling Anjelica), Iliana, or Noelle.

Can anyone else think of a suggestion? Leave it in the comment section, and/or vote for one of the suggestions in the poll to the right [poll closed; see below].

[Poll results:
Anastasia: 17 votes, roughly 27%
Clarissa: 6 votes, roughly 10%
Angelica/Anjelica: 12 votes, roughly 19%
Iliana/Eliana: 10 votes, roughly 16%
Noelle: 18 votes, roughly 29%

Also 14 write-in votes for the name Claudia. That puts Claudia up there between Anjelica and Anastasia in popularity with the voters.]

Rachel writes:

We are less than a month away from having a baby girl and though we’ve been trying for months to come up with a name, no luck yet! I’m starting to feel the pressure. We already have two boy names we love: Nicolas (shortened to Nico) and Atticus. Our last name sounds like la-GARE-y but is filled with many more vowels (three i’s). It’s Fijian, though we have no cultural connections to Fiji, and usually mispronounced and misspelled. We’d like to use a family name if possible as a middle name, but it’s not our top priority. We would like to avoid a name that’s becoming extremely popular (top 25 or so). Here are the girl names we’ve considered:

Zoë: This is probably #1, but my main concern is how it sounds with the last name. Is it too sing-songy with the double “ee” sound? Would the umlaat be annoying? Is it getting too popular? My husband likes the spelling Zoey better (which I don’t like). Grace is our first pick for a middle name, but Mae would be an alternate–it’s both my grandma’s and mine.

Beatrix: Love the “x” and that it’s old-fashioned sounding. Bea and Trixie could both make for cute nicknames (though Trixie might be a little much). One of our families loves it, the other hates it.

Fiona: Worried about Shrek connotations and Fiona Apple.

Grace: Love the name, but it’s just getting so popular.

Eva: I like it as is. Am worried about pronunciation (we like “EH-va,” not EVE-ah”). Husband wants long version to be Evaline, which is cute but I don’t know that it is a good match for our pronunciation of Eva or if that matters. Also, Ava is getting super popular. Husband is worried that Eva sounds too “Germanic.”

Nico: Husband’s favorite, even though we like it for a boy. Long version Nicolette or maybe Nicola. I’d like to save it for a boy and can’t decide if Nicolette is too frilly.

Agnes: We both like the name, but husband has bad connotations due to “Agnes of God.”

Middle names we’ve considered: Grace, Mae, Pearl (husband’s grandma’s middle name).

As you can tell, we’re finding faults with every name we come up with (and there aren’t many we agree on). Help!

I LOVE the name Beatrix. LOVE! IT! I think it’s sassy and strong and feminine. It brings to mind the independent, strong-willed, artistic Beatrix Potter. I would use the nickname Bee, which I think is so adorable it almost makes me keel over—or possibly the nickname Bix, which ditto. And when she’s in her cynical cool stage in high school, she can go by Beat. Plus, it’s great with your last name. LOVE THIS NAME. WANT YOU TO USE IT. FORCING SELF TO MOVE ON TO OTHER POSSIBILITIES.

The name Fiona was a finalist for my one girl child. I love the name, and it’s great with your last name.

As you say, the name Grace is getting popular: #17 in 2006 (source: Social Security Administration). Still, it’s a name with long roots, and that makes it popular as opposed to trendy: it’s a name that will rise and fall over millennia, not a flash-in-the-pan we may never see again. If the popularity bothers you, I agree it would make a good middle name.

If you want the name Eva pronounced a way other than EE-vuh, I think you’re going to go bat-crap crazy trying to make it happen. If what you’re looking for is AY-vuh, use Ava—but again, you’re right on about popularity (Ava was #5 in 2006). If you want EH-vuh (like Evan without the N), then…..Evva, maybe? Evaline is darling.

Let’s get you some more choices to consider. The Baby Name Wizard suggests these sister names for the boy names you like: Gia, Halle, Anika, Ivy, Elle (for Nico); Beatrix, Artemisia, Athena, Paloma, Anaïs (for Atticus).

Hey, it’s Beatrix! I love Athena and Gia, too. I think Halle and Elle are difficult with your surname. I’m not sure how to pronounce Anika–is it an-NEEK-uh, or AN-ih-kuh? Either way, it may be too similar to the name Nico, if you think you might use that boy name in the future.

Ivy is one of my top-favorite girl names—but when I mentioned it to my kids, they went to “Poison Ivy, she’s poison, don’t let her touch you!” in 2 seconds flat. My mom was skeptical of my results (we both LOVE the name); she was teaching third grade at the time and mentioned the name experimentally to her class, and they made the same immediate leap. I’m hoping the name will soon become more common so that this will be less of a problem.

From your list, then, I’m taking Beatrix (use it use it use it), Fiona, Grace, and Evaline. From the sister name lists, I’m taking Athena and Gia.

I asked Stephanie G. of The Wonder Worrier to weigh in:

This is FATE!

My own middle name is “Mae”. M-A-E, Mae.

So, with just a pinch of bias, I say choose Mae for the middle name. Here are my reasons:

1. It’s short.

2. It flows with a wide variety of first names.

3. Although it’s an easy-to-pronounce name (“May”), it has the added bonus of an unusual spelling with that “–ae” ending.

4. I love to see people using a family name as a middle name.

5. It’s MY middle name, and I’m a pretty cool cat.

Now let’s move on to the first name!

I like your name ideas very much, my favourites from your list are Fiona and Zoe (FYI – for our reader’s visualization and help with pronunciation, I am using “LaGAREy” as the last name beside my full names below).

Fiona: This name has grown on me, as there was an ADORABLE little girl in the childcare centre I used to work at named Fiona. Fiona Mae LaGAREy flows really nicely. I think the Shrek franchise has helped rather than hindered this name – more people will be accepting of Fiona without finding it too outdated or strange (they’ll feel like they’ve heard it recently, but not all will realize its because of Shrek), and the Shrek franchise will not be as popular when your child reaches school-age (let’s be realistic, it’s no Little Mermaid, haha!). And if Shrek does last, in her future as a five-year-old who might be princess-obsessed, she’ll appreciate that her name is a princess name!

Zoe: I prefer this spelling to “Zoey” (sorry to your Hubby). Zoey looks like “Zoo-ey” to me. I don’t think Zoe is too sing-songy either, I think it’s sort of cute when a name slightly rhymes with the last name (plus, you don’t say both names together ALL the time, it’ll just be an introduction thing – and think of her friends later, she’ll always be “Zoe LaGAREy”, easy to say and memorable!). I feel like Zoe is a well-known enough name to not have pronunciation or spelling issues, and yet I don’t see this as an overly popular/overused name. Just be prepared, you can spell it with the dots over the E (in layman’s terms), but I see that being dropped before long, especially if you’re located in North America. For Zoe I would choose Grace as the middle name for better flow, but Mae is still a solid choice.

Beatrix LaGAREy is a no for me. I think of Bellatrix LeStrange from the Harry Potter series, and also Trixie is a little too … lady of the night … for my tastes. Or something better suited for a pet than a child.

Nico (Nicolette, Nicola… or another option: Nicoletta) is lovely, but if you have your heart set on it for a boy, you might not want to use it yet for your first child (because maybe the second will be a boy and you might regret having already used it; conversely, if the second is a girl too you can still choose Nico then, but at least you gave it a try at using it for a boys name). I see the nickname Nico as a more masculine nickname, but that’s just personal preference.

Here are a few other suggestions that I feel are a similar style to the types of names you’re coming up with (these are from my own head, haha):

• Chloe Mae
• Olivia Mae
• Gwendolyn /Gwenyth (nn Gwen) Mae
• Sofia/Sophia Mae (nn Sophie/Sofie)
• Ava Grace (becoming very popular though)
• Claudia Mae
• Alexa Mae / Alexa Grace (for a name with an “x” in it – or perhaps Alexandria or Alexis)

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Nice stuff, Steph!—even though you disagree with me on Beatrix, which NOT ALLOWED. Let’s pluck Gwendolyn and Claudia from that list above and add them to our contenders.

Voting time! Vote in the poll over to the right [poll closed; see below], and leave your comments below.

[Poll results:
Zoe: 15 votes, roughly 13%
Beatrix: 43 votes, roughly 38%
Fiona: 20 votes, roughly 18%
Grace: 4 votes, roughly 4%
Evaline: 14 votes, roughly 13%
Athena: 1 vote, roughly 1%
Gia: 5 votes, roughly 4%
Gwendolyn: 7 votes, roughly 6%
Claudia: 3 votes, roughly 3%]

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our second son in June. Our 2.5 year old is named Alex Richard Dillier. My problem is that my husband is ridiculously picky about names, in fact, he has a whole list of his own naming rules which has effectively vetoed each and every name I’ve ever suggested. We have managed to find one name we both like, Max James Dillier, but I’d really like to have a few more choices to consider. We’d like to use the middle name James, but also considering John for a middle name as well.

Here are my husband’s naming rules:

1. No presidential names (like Kennedy, Regan or Clinton)
2. No biblical names
3. The name has to be “American”. Meaning we can’t use names that are obviously from a different culture or country (e.g., Paco, Sven, Pierre or Kumar)
4. The name can’t mean anything in English (even with different spelling). Most names mean something in some language somewhere, but he doesn’t want our child to be named something like Paige (like a page in a book) or Brooke (as in a stream) or Cole (like a lump of coal)
5. No cars (Mercedes, Porche, Astin, Cooper or Bentley are all out. Also Harley, even though it’s not a car, but a motorcycle)
6. No names that are also names of a widely known company (Unfortunately, my very favorite name, Avery, is a paper company)
7. No names that have multiple different spellings. Like my name Jamie or Jaime. This is a problem because there is a trend where people give their children a common name then spell it in a unique way. For example, instead of naming your child Ashley, you name her Ashleigh. Essentially, if John has to ask how we would spell it, it is vetoed.
8. No geographical names (e.g., Austin, Dakota, Paris…)
9. No androgynous names. The name has to be distinctly male or female. Unfortunately this vetoes Avery again, also Afton, Peyton and Delaney.
10. Cannot contract into a common nickname. No Nicholas (Nick), Benjamin (Ben) or Abigail (Abby). We can, however, name our child just the nickname (which is why we have an Alex instead of an Alexander).
11. The name can’t be a common last name. (e.g., Conner, Sullivan, Anderson, etc.)
12. The initials can not spell a word or common acronym. Like Max Alan Dillier (MAD) or Benjamin James (BJ)

HELP! And, good luck!

Jamie

HA HA HA HA HAHAHA HA HA HA HAHA HA! *wipes tears* HA HA HA! *gasp* HA HA HAHA HA! Oh, Jamie! This is wonderful! HA HA HA HA HA!

I’m reminded of an old Saturday Night Live skit in which the husband (played by Nicolas Cage) completely vetoes every single name his wife (played by Julia Sweeney) suggests. I wonder in your husband’s case if a lifetime of having a name which is a also a slang word for (1) a toilet and (2) a prostitute’s client, is the sort of thing that takes its toll on a man?

Well! Let’s get started, shall we? We only have until June to sift through all the baby names and see if any slip through that net of rules.

The Baby Name Wizard suggests these brother names for Alex: Jake, Cole, Evan, Drew, Luke. We can eliminate Cole (word name) and Drew (word name) right off the bat, which leaves us with Jake, Evan, and Luke. Considering the huge popularity of the name Jacob (#1 most popular boy name in the U.S. since 1999, according to the Social Security Administration), I’d avoid the name Jake. A lot of those Jacobs are already using it.

Evan and Luke are both good candidates. They’re both good with Alex, they’re both boyish, they’re spelled only that way. Neither one is a common brand name, an initials problem, a presidential name, a nickname hazard, etc. One little hitch is that Luke could be considered a biblical name—but it’s become so mainstream, I don’t think it’s any more biblical than Matthew, Mark, or John.

Evan James Dillier (EJD)
Evan John Dillier (EJD)
Luke James Dillier (LJD)
Luke John Dillier (LJD)

A second hitch with Luke is that it’s not great with either of your middle name possibilities: too choppy with two 1-syllable names in a row. In fact, let’s scrap Luke. But let’s keep Evan.

You mention you both like the name Max. The Baby Name Wizard suggests these brother names for Max: Leo, Oliver, Felix, Theo, Sam. And will you look at that: four of those names meet all of your husband’s rules. The only one that doesn’t fit is Oliver, which would give you the meaningful initials O.D. This time I’m going to try the names only with the middle name James:

Leo James Dillier (LJD)
Felix James Dillier (FJD)
Theo James Dillier (TJD)
Sam James Dillier (SJD)

I continue to prefer the sound of the 2-syllable first names. Here are a few more 2-syllable choices, several of them chosen because they were the “FINALLY! A name we can agree on!” for families I know.

Aaron James Dillier (AJD)
Eric James Dillier (EJD)
Henry James Dillier (HJD)
Jared James Dillier (JJD)
Simon James Dillier (SJD)

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are expecting our first child (a girl) next month and we cannot decide on a name. The only name that we could really agree that we both love is Hannah, but we have both decided that it’s popularity bothers us. I like Lucy (he doesn’t), he likes Catherine (I don’t).

The two names that we have it narrowed down to are Harper Eve or Mary ___. I don’t think either of us love these names and we can’t think of a middle name for Mary (we aren’t Catholic and I don’t want the name to sound too Catholic, no offense). I wish that we had a family name that we loved, but we don’t. Our grandmothers names are Merlyn, Doris, Levora, and Dianne, none of which we care for. Our great grandmothers names are Ila, Maude, Sarah, Laura, Mary Ellen, Elise, Ernastine, and Ellis, but we’re not sold on any of these. I like Ila (or Ayla or Isla), but my husband hates it.

All of my sisters have names that start with a K sound and that is confusing enough that I don’t want to introduce another K (or hard C) name into the mix.

Our last name starts with J and is two syllables. We would like a name that isn’t weird, that is easy to spell and easy to pronounce, but that isn’t too popular. We tend to like classic names, although Harper has been one of my favorites for a long time so there are exceptions to this. We have nieces named Mia Rose, Sydney Anne, Emma May, and Hailey Elizabeth, so all of these are off limits.

Thanks so much :)

Erica

I like the name Harper VERY MUCH, and since you’ve liked it a long time, it’s tempting to just say, “Yes! Harper!,” make a poll with one choice on it, and dust off my hands after a job well done. I’m a huge fan of Eve, too—although I think a different middle name might work better with Harper.

There was a little girl named Mary in my son’s kindergarten class, and I was surprised at how fresh and uncommon it sounded. I think of it as a Very Common Name, but of course it ISN’T common in the current crop of babies. I like the family tie-in if you use Mary Ellen, but what about Mary Harper? (I considered Mary Hannah, but when I said it out loud I added “little lamb”: “Mary Hannah little lamb, its fleece was white as snow.”)

A name that catches my eye in your family name list is Laura. I think it’s beautiful. Laura Harper. Laura Eve. It’s easy to spell and pronounce, it’s classic, and according to the Social Security Administration it was only #172 in 2006. For comparison, that’s LESS COMMON than the names Genesis (#169) and Alondra (#170).

If you both love the name Hannah, and you agree on it, I think you should reconsider using it. It’s a beautiful, classic name with long roots. But if its popularity continues to bother you, I’d go with Laura. That’s my top choice: Laura Harper J____ (LHJ). Family connection. Classic. Easy to pronounce and spell. Not too common and not too weird. And it incorporates the name Harper, which you’ve liked for a long time.

Kate writes:

Help! I need nickname advice!

I’m adopting a baby this Spring, and if it’s a boy, I’d like to follow a family tradition and name him John after my father, my brother, my grandfather, you get the picture. The problem is that my father (Jack) and my brother (John) both live within a mile or so, and that’s a lot of people running around with the same name (since I’m single, it will be the same first and last names).

So what I’m looking for is a good nickname for John that isn’t Jack. I’m a big fan of traditional names – it’s important that it’s a name that will work for an adult as well as a kid.

If the baby’s a girl, I’m going with Elizabeth, another family name. I’m leaning toward Bess or Lily as a nickname.

Any brilliant suggestions?

Help me, Swistle!

Tough one, Kate! The usual nicknames are Johnny and Jack and that’s ALL, so we’re really going to need to call upon The Powers of the Internet for this one.

Option the First: Go with the initial and call him J.—I had a friend in high school who did this. To the ear, it’s “Jay.”

Option the Second: Call him by first and middle names together: John William, for example. My brother was called by his first and middle names together when he was a child—and not just when he was in trouble, but all the time. At first it feels a little awkward, but then it blends into one name.

Option the Third: First and middle initials: J.W., for example.

Option the Fourth: Call him by his middle name outright. I’m pretty sure my friend Mairzy disapproves of this idea, but I think it’s a good work-around when you are highly motivated to use a particular name but run into problems such as the one you’re encountering. I went to school with several guys who went by their middle names, and other than the annual “roll call correction” (“John Abrams?” “Actually, I go by Will”), it wasn’t a problem.

Option the Fifth: As I understand it from novels about rich people, people with a long-running family name used to turn to nicknames such as Trey and Trip for the youngest of three people with the same name. I think that’s cute and appealing.

Let’s ask Mairzy!

In this corner we have Good Idea: Name son the family name to give him an immediate sense of family identity.

In this corner we have Bad Setup: His grandfather and uncle, who live in the same area, will have exactly the same name.

Possible solution: Come up with a nickname.

The trouble with this solution, of course, is that traditional nickname for John is already in use. (I remember getting very indignant with a first-grade classmate, Johnny, who claimed that he and his father had the same name. I knew very well his dad’s name was Jack. Who was he kidding?) If you do use the name John, he’ll get called Johnny or Little John just to distinguish him from his uncle. If you call him Jack, he’ll be Little Jack or (not at all appealing to me) Jackie. And he might just get called Junior, a nickname that makes me want to curl up and cry.

Possible solution: Use a variant of the name John.

This way, you honor the family name, but avoid the confusion and headaches that come with repeating names. You’re lucky to be working with the name that shows up in practically every European language. You can choose from Jonathan, Sean, Evan, Ian, Giovanni, Ivan, Jaques, Johann, Jonas, Shane, Sion, and Yancey. (List courtesy of behindthename.com, which includes a whole lot more options.) Obviously a few of the names are heavily ethnic, which may not fit with the surname. I just included them because, well, I like names. I’d love to use the name Jaques, for instance. But my surname is in the same category as Johnson. Jaques Johnson! The world laughs. Anway, getting back to the matter at hand.

You could consider naming him Jake and calling it a variant of Jack/John. It’s not traditional, but you could squeeze by with it.

(For Elizabeth, which you mention briefly at the end of your question: I think Bess is cute, and I’m ready to see it come back again. Lily is not a name I think of as being a nickname for Elizabeth, so I probably wouldn’t go that route: if I wanted Lily, I’d go with Lilian/Lillian or just flat-out Lily.)

Help Kate out: What would YOU do if you were using the name John in this situation? Would you name him John and use one of Swistle’s solutions? Or would you name him one of Mairzy’s variations? Vote in the poll to the right [poll closed; see below], and leave your ideas in the comment section.

[Poll results:
John; call him J.: 11 votes, roughly 14%
John; call him first + middle names: 8 votes, roughly 10%
John; call him first + middle initials: 17 votes, roughly 21%
John; call him by his middle name: 13 votes, roughly 16%
Use a variation such as Jonathan or Ian: 20 votes, roughly 25%
Jake, and pretend it’s a variation of John: 3 votes, roughly 4%]

Barbara writes:

Hi Swistle- I’m super psyched about your new baby names blog! I’m OBSESSED with baby names (I guess names in general) and have been for as long as I can remember. As a little girl, I was always “changing” my name and always wanted a name with a fun nickname. As an adult, I make baby name lists at least weekly. I love the meaning behind names, the sentimental or family connection associated with names, initials and monograms, and especially nicknames.

Here’s my question: What names do you love but had to give up on because they just didn’t work with your last name (aka unfortunate nicknames, initials or puns)? I know you’re not keen on making your real name public, so you may or may not be able to reveal this info without giving away major clues to your true identity, but maybe your readers can?

I always loved the name Rose or Rosie for a girl, but with the (new) last name of Thornton, I just thought the pun was too mean. Another example, my sister-in-law was almost named Rachel Anne but her initials would have been RAT.

Looking forward to reading more about our favorite subject!

GREAT QUESTION!

Paul and I have an ethnic and difficult surname, so we’ve avoided ethnic or difficult first names. And our surname is so surnamey, we think “surname names” (Miller, Sawyer, Carson) sound bad with it.

When Matt Lauer named his son Thijs (pronounced “Tice”), I instantly loved the name—but we weren’t willing to take on the challenge of a totally unfamiliar (in the U.S.) name that follows the pronunciation rules of another language. We messed around with the spelling (Tyce, for example), but we only liked it with the Dutch spelling. So we gave it up.

The most Limiting Factor for me has been Previous Children. If you have children named Robert and William (to use their pseudonyms as an example), it’s tough to suddenly add a Devereaux or a Thijs. Sibling names don’t have to be matchy-matchy, but I prefer them to sound like they’re in the same family: Robert and William, yes; Robert and Rocco, no. I would bend this for a name I really, really loved—but in general, it strongly affects my naming decisions.

Barbara and I are VERY EAGER to hear about the names you had to give up, and the things that most limit your choices. Initial problems? Surname problems? Sibling problems?

L. writes:

How do you feel about people who name their children — ALL their children — after someone else? I have a cousin who has three kids and a fourth on the way. So far each of her kids has a name that already belongs to someone in the family: an aunt, a grandparent, or even one of the parents’ names themselves (example: If the father were called “Paul,” for instance, one of the girls’ middle names might be “Paula”).

I think it’s lovely to name a baby after a relative, to honor that relative, to carry on a tradition, etc… but every child? I just don’t know. I’m wondering what this mom is going to do when she “runs out” of family names — and also, MEOW, why can’t she think of anything original?

(I am rude. Forgive me. Perhaps you, yourself, have done this, and I don’t mean to offend if you have.)

I had to give this some thought: I realized I don’t actually know ANYONE who does all family names like that. I know a lot of people who do namesake names in the middle name position, which I think is charming.

And, after thinking it over, I think namesake names are charming in the first-name position, too. As with every “all the names the same” theme (such as starting with the same letter), the parents should think VERY CAREFULLY beforehand about whether they have enough naming material even if they end up having more children than they think they’ll have. It’s especially sensitive with family names, because if you use three family names and then you switch to non-family names, the remaining non-named-after family members may wonder what the heck is wrong with THEIR names.

Family names come with an automatic side of confusion, of course: if you name your son after your father, your mother is going to have to specify which John she’s talking about every time she’s chatting with her friends. This may be minor, depending on which family name you’re using (your spouse’s vs. your cousin’s), but it’s nice to have thought it out beforehand rather than being surprised by it.

An additional issue with family names is that most of the ones available to choose from will not be generationally timely. Parents are eager to use the names of the great-grandparents they’ve never even met, because that’s where the Emmas and Violets and Maxes and Jacks are. The family members whose names have actual significance to the namer tend to have names like Ruth and Robert, Barbara and Jerry. (These things go in cycles, so all these baby Emmas and Jacks will be naming THEIR babies “after great-grandma Ruth.”)

Something that doesn’t bother me is the originality issue. Almost all names have been used and used and used, so that I think words like “original” or “unique” are useless in naming discussions. (People usually mean “unusual,” anyway.) Naming the baby Madison is not more original than naming her after the namer’s Aunt Joanne or after the baby’s Aunt Kimberly.

Use the comment section below and the poll to the right [poll closed; see below] to weigh in: What do you think of using family names? Have you done it? Are you glad, or are you sorry? What do you like–or not like–about it?

[Poll results:
Like the idea of family names and did it or plan to do it: 60 votes, roughly 77%
Like the idea, but not for us: 8 votes, roughly 10%
Don’t like the idea: 10 votes, roughly 13%]