Heather writes:
My husband and I have recently decided to start trying to start a family. My husband has a unique name, Lincoln Cash, which was given to him by his parents, at the time he was born his mother named him after two very special and important people in her life. The thing is a couple months ago my husband and I read in our very small town newspaper and baby was born and given my husband exact name. Turns out this baby’s parents are friends of friends or my mothers and had overheard my mother talking about myself and my husband. My husband and I feel offended and disrepected by these peoples actions. His name has great meaning to us as well as his mother and now I fell I have been cheated the opportunity of passing that meaning along to our son. Please respond back to me when possible. I need help getting on and\or whether I’m all bent out of shape for nothing.
P.S. Due to my husband name being so unique he has been approached several times already about whether he has recently had a child. People are thinking that because this baby’s name is Lincoln Cash that it is my husband son. What do we do? Thanks for your time.
Let’s see if we can sort this out, issue by issue. I am afraid you are not going to like any of this.
* Names are many-time-use items. No one owns exclusive rights to a name—and it’s a good thing, too, or we’d be resorting to random combinations of letters and numbers by now.
* If someone younger than your husband has the same name, that is irrelevant to whether or not you can use the name for your child. I will say this again, because this is important: it is irrelevant to your future use of the name. No one has cheated you out of anything; no one has stolen anything from you: they don’t somehow own the name now, nor do they own the meaning of the name you hope to pass on to a future son. Names are many-time-use items.
* People who choose the same name have no obligation to use it for the same reasons. One person’s reasons don’t invalidate another person’s reasons: if another family uses the name with a different significance in mind, it does not suck the significance from your husband’s name. Their use of the name does not make the people your husband was named for any less important to his family.
* Many parents have special reasons for choosing a child’s name. Having special reasons for choosing a name doesn’t create a greater claim to the name. Everyone else is still allowed to use the names, even if they don’t have the same special reasons. They may even use it if they have ZERO special reasons.
* The other family did not name their baby Lincoln Cash in an attempt to offend and disrespect you. Can you imagine them sitting in the hospital, thinking, “You know what would really offend those people? Giving our baby his name! Let’s do it! *rubbing hands together with evil glee*.” Naming a baby after someone is considered a serious compliment and a high honor. At the very least, it’s a compliment to the name. It is never, ever done as an insult. Your reaction (feeling insulted and offended) is inappropriate.
* In answer to your question about what to do when someone asks you if that child is your husband’s baby: you answer, “No.”
The thing is, I believe you agree with me already. I will show you what I mean:
Your husband was not the first to have his name, any more than that new baby is. In fact, you say he was given the names of other people. Did your husband’s mother steal the names of those special and important people, would you say? Did she take away the significance and meaning the parents of those special/important people felt when they named those two long-ago babies? Should the parents of those special/important people have been offended and insulted that your husband’s mother used their babies’ names for her baby, your husband? Should those two special/important people have been furious with your husband’s mother, because now they could not pass on their own names themselves?
Of course not. She did not steal the names. She did not sap the names of significance and meaning. She did not insult and offend the special/important people’s parents by reusing the names they had used for their babies. She did not prevent the special/important people from using the names themselves. She chose a name she liked for her baby. That’s what this other family has also done. And that is what you will do, when you name your future babies.
