Crystal writes:

I’ve been reading your blog, never thinking I would have to request help myself, but things are getting desperate. Why, you ask? Well, let me introduce you to my difficult husband. The man who likes no names. I am fairly picky myself, but have suggested at least 40 names that he’s struck down (using his extensive vocab of choice words to express his contempt). Please help us. Our baby needs a name, and I’m pretty sure my husband wants to keep from being strangled. The basics:

I’m due on April 11th with our second girl.

Our daughter’s name is Melia Quinn Cargill (muh-LEE-ah)

Names I like that have been rejected: Eliana, Eliza, Ciana, Sabine, Zadie, Cela, Lily

Name I love that he is “considering”: Juniper

The only name he actually cares for right now: Tessa

We don’t like popular names (I know, I know), but I like names of lots of different styles. I couldn’t tell you what style he prefers, but his most violent reaction is against the unisex names. He also isn’t a fan of the noun names–places, flowers, etc.

We don’t have any specific requirements about name length, certain letters, etc., and I feel like most names go with Cargill. Obviously, we haven’t even gotten anywhere near the whole middle names issue.

So I’m kind of at a loss. I feel like it is going to have to be something obscure that we haven’t come across. Any help would be wonderful.

Thanks,
Crystal

p.s. If you don’t have any naming help, maybe you know of a way I could bypass him when the birth certificate signing time comes around. I kid. Sort of. He really is a great guy–there’s just something about this naming issue…

Some people (I am looking at YOU, Paul) are truly skilled at shooting down every possibility presented to them. Saying “Fine. YOU make a list, then” can lead to some helpful discussions. When I made Paul do it, he came up with a list of, basically, 1980s cheerleaders. It was nice to be the scoffer for a change, and he was more reasonable about MY suggestions after being on the receiving end of scoff.

Well, fine. His list is one name long: Tessa. So how about a list from me?

Britta Cargill; Melia and Britta
Clarissa Cargill; Melia and Clarissa
Darcy Cargill; Melia and Darcy
Juliet Cargill; Melia and Juliet
June Cargill; Melia and June
Romy Cargill; Melia and Romy
Sylvie Cargill; Melia and Sylvie
Willa Cargill; Melia and Willa

Anyone else want to take a shot at it? And let’s have a poll over to the right. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results (264 votes total):
Tessa: 59 votes, roughly 22%
Britta: 32 votes, roughly 12%
Clarissa: 11 votes, roughly 4%
Darcy: 20 votes, roughly 7%
Juliet: 41 votes, roughly 15%
June: 21 votes, roughly 8%
Romy: 29 votes, roughly 11%
Sylvie: 28 votes, roughly 11%
Willa: 23 votes, roughly 9%

Renee writes:

My husband and I are due with baby #4 in just under 2 weeks. Our three girls are named Addison Anna (called Addie), Quincy Eliza (Quin) and Micah Joy (who we call “Micah Joy” exclusively). We know we’re having a boy this time around, and are very excited. However, we are having a very difficult time finding a name. I think the problem (at least for me) is that our daughters have very strong names and it’s difficult to find a boy’s name that doesn’t strike me as, well, girly. We’ve agreed that the middle name will be Thomas–my husband’s middle name. But as for a first name, we’re pretty stuck.

I like the idea of a strong, traditional name like John, Edward or James, but I think they’re a bit too plain and don’t go well with the girls’ names. Hubby likes Harrison, Charles (Charlie) and Benjamin–but does concede that Harrison is too much like Addison, and Charlie and Ben feel too plain for the girls’ names.

The one name we had been seriously considering was Archer… and I do still like it, as does my husband…It’s strong, and I think it flows really well… Archer Thomas Lenox. The problem is, we do watch Private Practice on ABC, and Dr. Addison Montgomery has a brother named Archer. And that bothers me. Because when we gave Addie her name, it was not super trendy, but since Grey’s Anatomy, it’s become much more mainstream. And because we don’t want to seem like crazy TV fans…
….is that irrational?

I just feel like we’re completely out of ideas. Any and all suggestions would be welcomed! Thanks so much!

I do think it sounds okay when a family has a different naming style for the boys than for the girls. A family might not want to name sisters Gabriella and Taylor because of the startlingly different styles, but I think it’s okay to have a sister Gabriella and a brother Tyler. Something about the gender line makes it okay to mix. So if you wanted to have a John, Edward, James, Charles, or Benjamin, I think those all work great. In fact, since your girls’ names are all androgynous, a classic and unmistakable boy name might be just the thing.

But if they seem too plain, I love Archer. It’s a great name; it’s similar in style to your girls’ names; it’s great with Thomas Lenox; and you both really like it. Let’s put a poll over to the right to see how strong the Addison/Archer connection is. [Poll closed; see results below.] I wouldn’t have thought of it, especially with several siblings separating the two names, but I’d be interested to see if it pops into other people’s minds.

Poll results (335 votes total) for the question “Would you have thought of the Addison/Archer connection?”:
Yes: 54 votes, roughly 16%
Only if it were pointed out to me: 51 votes, roughly 15%
No: 80 votes, roughly 24%
Who?: 150 votes, roughly 45%
(No plus Who: 230 votes, roughly 69%)

Maggie writes:

We really need you and your reader’s help!! Our baby is arriving any day now (officially due next Friday) and my dear husband recently decided he no longer likes the boy’s name we agreed on. And it took us literally the whole nine months to find one name we could both live with, so we’re back at square one. We don’t know baby’s gender, but if it’s a girl, she will be either Julia, Sophia, or Laurel. We’ve had these names forever, we love them all, it’s just a matter of seeing which one “fits” her once she’s here. Girls names are easy!

BUT if baby is a boy, we have a problem. The name we had agreed on was Theodore, intending to call him Teddy when he’s little and letting him decide once he’s older whether he wants to be Theo, Teddy, or Theodore. My husband has suddenly decided it’s not masculine enough, although he would still consider it for a middle name. It was not my first choice, but I was happy enough with it.

My top picks for boys were Alan and Jonathan. Husband’s top picks were John and Matthew. We could both live with Alan or Matthew from the other’s list, but don’t love them. (And Matthew sort of rhymes with the last syllable of our last name, which sounds funny to me.) As you can see, we partly agree on the John thing, but I dislike one syllable first names — no offense to anyone — and so even if we call him John for short, would like a longer formal first name. Are there any other longer names that have the nickname John? Husband will not consider Jonathan because we already have two immediate family members with the name, even though our son would have a different last name than the other two. The other problem is one side of the family is Greek, and would call John “Yanni” which I don’t think I can handle. I really really really don’t like the sound of Yanni, which makes me reluctant to use John. Our last name is long and Greek and ends with an “ew” sound, which means we want an recognizably male, simple spelling and easy pronounciation first name, nothing new-fangled or creative.

Other names we cannot use because of family: Robert, Andrew, Alexander, Stephen, David, James, Benjamin, Lucas, William, Nicholas. Names I liked but DH refused: Nathaniel, Christopher, Julius, Lawrence.

Any ideas for us? Thanks so much!

Another name that could be shortened to John is Johnson. My brother’s dorm floor had a secret pet kitten, and they named him Johnson, and I thought that was the cutest name EVER—until someone explained to me that it was an, er, nickname. For something boys have and girls don’t, if you follow me. And according to my brother, EVERYONE knows this, but I did not. Apparently boys know this. And also, maybe boys need a naming blog devoted to their Special Interest? Because they have an awful lot of names for It.

Johnston is slightly less risky. But it sounds like the “Yanni” thing rules out John names for you guys.

And oh dear heavens, look at all the good basic boy names you can’t use for family-already-used-them reasons! No wonder you’re stuck! Here’s a list of some good basic boy names NOT on the veto list:

Caleb
Daniel
Edward (could still use Ted/Teddy, or Ned)
Edmund (could still use Ted/Teddy, or Ned)
Eric
Ethan
Evan
Henry
Ian
Isaac
Jacob (same J/Y problem, though?)
Joshua (same J/Y problem, though?)
Michael
Nathan (maybe too close to Nathaniel)
Samuel
Thomas

I’m leaning toward Evan: it’s a distant relative of the name John; it has the rhythm of Alan; it’s simple to spell and pronounce, etc. Evan Matthew. Evan Theodore. But I also really like Caleb. Caleb Theodore. Caleb Matthew. Caleb John.

In fact, I like lots of these. Michael Alan. Edmund Matthew. Daniel John. Edward Alan. Eric John. Ian Matthew.

Which of these virtue names do you like best?

Amity
Charity
Faith
Grace
Honor
Hope
Mercy
Patience
Verity

Poll is over to the right. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results (407 votes total):
Amity: 16 votes, roughly 4%
Charity: 9 votes, roughly 2%
Faith: 52 votes, roughly 13%
Grace: 197 votes, roughly 48%
Honor: 28 votes, roughly 7%
Hope: 58 votes, roughly 14%
Mercy: 7 votes, roughly 2%
Patience: 2 votes, roughly 0%
Verity: 38 votes, roughly 9%

Which spelling of John/Jon do you prefer? Poll over to the right. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results (397 votes total):
John: 333 votes, roughly 84%
Jon: 64 votes, roughly 16%

Jenny writes:

My husband and I are struggling to come up with a name for our first baby. We know the middle name will be Wayne (four generations of that) and that we don’t want the first name to rhyme with our last name, which ends in “son”. We originally liked Zeke, but feel that it doesn’t sound good with Wayne, and we don’t like Ezekial. We are now considering Carver or Adler, both of which we like but not completely sold on. I was really hoping to have a name that could be shortened for a nick name. I am due at the beginning of April. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

My first and favorite suggestion is Isaac: Isaac Wayne Surnameson. An Isaac can be nicknamed Zack or Ike, so I don’t think Zeke is too much of a stretch.

Carver and Adler are both surname names, so I’m rooting around in The Baby Name Wizard‘s surname section. A favorite of mine from this section is Archer: Archer Wayne Surnameson, nickname Archie.

Another possibility is Callahan: Callahan Wayne Surnameson, nickname Cal.

Or Kendrick: Kendrick Wayne Surnameson, nickname Ken.

Or Tobin: Tobin Wayne Surnameson, nickname Toby.

Let’s put a poll to the right, and also hope for more ideas in the comment section. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results (275 votes total):
Carver: 16 votes, roughly 6%
Adler: 15 votes, roughly 5%
Isaac: 133 votes, roughly 48%
Archer: 69 votes, roughly 25%
Callahan: 17 votes, roughly 6%
Kendrick: 6 votes, roughly 2%
Tobin: 19 votes, roughly 7%

In general, do you prefer C-spellings or K-spellings?

Carl or Karl?

Catherine or Katherine?

Cara or Kara?

Caitlyn or Kaitlyn?

Curt or Kurt?

Christiana or Kristiana?

Caden or Kaden?

Eric or Erik?

Poll is over to the right. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results (362 votes total):
Prefer C names in general: 245 votes, roughly 68%
Prefer K names in general: 117 votes, roughly 32%

Here is a list of the Top 10 girl names from 30 years ago, in 1979, in the United States:

1. Jennifer
2. Melissa
3. Amanda
4. Jessica
5. Amy
6. Sarah
7. Heather
8. Angela
9. Nicole
10. Michelle

I’m going to put a poll over to the right with these names. [Poll closed; see results below.] If you are a U.S. GIRL, and if you were born, say, 25-35 years ago, and one of these is YOUR first name, vote for that name. If you were born about 25-35 years ago and none of those is your first name, choose “other.”

Because my goal is to get a general idea rather than an accurate statistical report, the age range is flexible: If you’re 24 or 36 and you want to vote, go right ahead. Also, for the same reason, let’s include alternate spellings: any “Sara”s should vote for Sarah; any “Nichole”s should vote for Nicole, etc.

Poll results (441 votes total):
Jennifer: 25 votes, roughly 5.67%
Melissa: 11 votes, roughly 2.49%
Amanda: 10 votes, roughly 2.27%
Jessica: 5 votes, roughly 1.13%
Amy: 15 votes, roughly 3.40%
Sarah: 23 votes, roughly 5.22%
Heather: 9 votes, roughly 2.04%
Angela: 5 votes, roughly 1.13%
Nicole: 5 votes, roughly 1.13%
Michelle: 5 votes, roughly 1.13%
none of these: 328 votes, roughly 74.38%

B. writes:

My husband and I are expecting our second daughter anytime on or around March 20th. We have basically chosen the name Jenna for this little girl, because it’s the only thing we can agree on that we both actually like.

My question is about middle names. One of the middle names that we like is Elizabeth, but my first daughter’s initials are also J.E. Is it a problem to have both girls have the exact same initials? The other thing is that my husband’s older sister’s name is Genevieve Elizabeth. Does Jenna Elizabeth sound way too close? Will my SIL think that I’m naming my child after her, even though I’m not? (My first daughter’s middle name IS after MY sister. But I don’t like my husband’s sisters enough to name my kids after them.)

If you do think that Elizabeth is a no-no because of initials or similarity to my husband’s sister, do you have any suggestions for middle names that sound good with Jenna? We don’t really have any other options. We’ve talked about Noelle, but I decided I didn’t really like it, and we’ve talked a little about Beth, since it’s part of my name. But we’ve had a hard time coming up with something that we actually like. I tend to not like really girly/popular names (pretty much anything on the top 10 list except for Emily and Elizabeth).

I’m not sure what to do, so if you or your readers have any thoughts, I’d appreciate it!

If you were very keen on the name Elizabeth, I’d say that The Best Name trumps the initials problem. But since you sound “love but not IN love” about it, and since there’s the additional sister-in-law-name problem, I say let’s ditch the name Elizabeth and find you something else.

One post that might be helpful: a list of 4-syllable middle names to replace Elizabeth. Most of those either don’t work with the name Jenna or else are too girly.

I also like 1-syllable middle names with the name Jenna: Jenna Fay, Jenna May, and Jenna Ruth are nice; Jenna Bess is similar to Jenna Beth; and if you like repeated-consonant sounds you might like Jenna Joy.

Other ideas:

Jenna Frances
Jenna Louise
Jenna Margaret
Jenna Meredith
Jenna Morgan
Jenna Peyton
Jenna Parker
Jenna Simone
Jenna Suzanne

The middle name slot is also a great place for any name that you didn’t want to use as a first name for one reason or another: didn’t work with your first child’s name, a namesake name where you love the namesake but not so much the name, too out-there, too common, etc.

More suggestions for B.?

This post is not even done, but I just got word that she is IN LABOR RIGHT NOW and doesn’t have a name! So I am posting it as-is, and I’ll keep working on it during the day if I think of anything else. Good luck, Tamarah!

Tamarah writes:

We are expecting our first child on March 17th! My husband and I are having a difficult time finding names that we’re in love with. I have loved the name Charlotte for a very long time – it was my grandmothers name (she passed away when my mother was only 2). Charlotte is also the name of my first cousin, named after our grandmother. I was feeling very confident that I was OK with naming my babe Charlotte – I don’t believe anyone “owns” a name or that it would be a terrible thing to have two Charlottes in the family – she would be my child’s second cousin, and there would be 20 years between them. The middle name for Charlotte would be Flora – We chose Flora because both of my hubby’s grandmothers are named Florence – and mine is named Rose (flower = flora) – I love the way it flows – AND it pays tribute to all the grandmothers. In the past month or 2, I have been feeling less jazzed about Charlotte, I’m not sure why. I now like Auden – I would use the middle name Danielle (my dad is Daniel, and my husband has a uncle Danny that passed away recently) and Dylan – I would use Rose for a middle name – (Rose is my grandmother’s name and my sister’s middle name.) So these are the 3 girl names we’ve come up with that Id love some feedback on:

Charlotte Flora
Auden Danielle
Dylan Rose

NOW – the major issue? BOY NAMES! This is so difficult! I can’t seem to find anything that really speaks to me. I like the name Miles, Miles Daniel – but other than that, nothing has been jumping out, for first or middle names. I like the name Jasper – but that sounds harsh with our last name – Begins with a F, is one syllable (5 letters) and very German sounding. My husband has mentioned liking Dexter, but that doesn’t do anything for me. We both are leaning towards older sounding names, but are quite open at this point! My husband is also Jewish (emphasis on the ish) and he would like to use names that honor people in our families. Though he is not dead set on this, there are a few names in particular that he would like to use – or use a derivative of (first letter works): Harry, Danny, Aaron, Frederick, Florence.
Here is our list of boy names, where only 1 sounds “right” so far.

Miles Daniel**
Jasper
Dexter
Gabriel
Aaron
Wyatt
Dylan

Any help would be amazing!

One thing I notice is that you have a lot of style variety in your options. I think in your shoes I’d start by thinking of names I might want to use for future children, and see which category of names you prefer. If you’re leaning more toward Miles and Daniel, I’d go with Charlotte for a girl; if you’re leaning more toward Wyatt, I’d go with Dylan or Auden. And since you like Dylan for both girls and boys, it may be that you’ll want to use Dylan for your first child regardless.

Hey, you wouldn’t want to consider the name Florence, would you? It’s one of my recent top favorite girl names. I lovvvvvvvvve it. It’s strong and feminine, and Florrie is an adorable nickname. I think it’s due for a revival, just like the Charlottes and Emmas. Florence Charlotte is pretty, or I like Florence Rose even better. Oh, wait, though: your surname is one syllable and starts with F, and maybe that would be too harsh with Florence. If your surname were Fiest, for example, that would be Florence Fiest. Well, actually, I still like it a lot.

I also suggest Audra, Audrey, and Aubrey since you like Auden. I like all of them with the middle name Rose.

And I suggest Delaney, since you like Dylan. Delaney Rose.

On to boy names. I, too, have trouble finding ones that bowl me over. I think Miles Daniel is wonderful: both of those names are on my own boy list. Here are a few other boy names I wonder if you might like:

Aidan
Casey
Declan
Elias
Everett
Henry
Hugo
Milo
Ruben