Terra writes:

So, I am coming to you again…..wrote to you earlier about Baby Girl Patterson. She is here and is now 2 weeks old. We went to the hospital with Catherine “Cate” Hazel in mind, but with a few others from our list as well. We didn’t name her until they were kicking us out of the hospital and we went with what we had liked the longest – Catherine Hazel. We couldn’t decide between that and Caroline “Carly” Harper. Again, my son is Grady Owen, and we call him Gray.

For some reason, I felt liked she looked like a Carly in the hospital (although I have always thought people were crazy when they said a newborn “looked” like a certain name). But I was afraid I would regret not using Cate and so I went with that. My husband wanted me to decide. He likes all the names fine, but his biggest thing is he doesn’t want her to have a name like a dozen other little girls in school. He is Josh and hated that when he was growing up for that very reason.

Now that we are home and she is Cate, it just doesn’t feel right. When I say it, when I hear it, any of it. I don’t know if this is just a case of name remorse, b/c Baby Name Wizard specifically says that you should NOT wait until you are looking at the baby to decide. That you will second guess yourself for weeks. So maybe that is it. I also think it could be that we just need to get used to it. Since we had not decided for sure, we haven’t really been calling her that before she was born. Or, is the name wrong???

The other names we are considering are:

Charlotte Harper – do you think Charlotte will make it to top 10? My husband loves this name and I like it too. Think it goes well with Gray. But if we are trying to avoid overly popular, maybe we shouldn’t go this route.

Caroline “Carly” Harper – I have always liked the name Carly, but we do wonder if the style of the name goes well with Grady/Gray. I have also had several parents mention the TV show icarly to me. I wasn’t aware of this. Do you think this name will become trendy? Is it a totally different feel than Gray?

Hazel Sutton – I am falling more and more in love with Hazel, but I don’t know if I want to use it for a first name. One issue is the color thing. Do you think of a color when you hear Hazel? Because my son is Gray, I want to avoid sounding like I am naming my children after a box of crayons. That is the reason I didn’t use Violet, which i love. Also, I adore the name – but I wonder if she will like it one day or think it is too old lady sounding? The other option here is to call her Sutton, which is my husband’s favorite. I like that it is different, but wonder if it is too boy sounding.

And finally, my issues with Cate – I was already concerned about the popularity of it, especially with all the close names like Kaitlyn, Kate, Katherine, etc. And then the whole Kate Middleton thing isn’t helping right now. I also do not want her called Catie at any point since my son is Grady. BUT, we exclusively call him Gray – so I don’t think we need to worry about him going by Grady and her being called Catie later. I also feel weird saying it, like it is so short and the “ate” sound. Maybe I like the way it looks better than sounds…or maybe I am just overly emotional right now and totally sleep deprived. :)

So, please give me your feedback and advice on all the names. We want something that goes well enough with our son’s name, that isn’t too popular, and not too strange. My only musts are I want to use either Hazel or Harper somewhere in the name, and using Harper as the first name isn’t an option (husband doesn’t like it). We also don’t want to call her Catherine (for family reasons I won’t go into).

Baby Girl needs a final name! I feel so bad that I am still undecided!!!

 
We recently answered a similar question, and I’d say the same answer applies to this one: i.e., that you certainly can change the name, but that if there isn’t a specific name you feel is the perfect one to switch it to, you’re likely to continue feeling indecisive even after you change it.

I do think that a “baby already named” naming decision is much different than a “baby not yet named” decision. When the baby is not yet named, we can all discuss the merits of various names, and which we’d prefer, and which combinations work best and so forth. Once the baby is named, it doesn’t work to re-open the discussion as if the baby had not yet been named: it’s a matter of whether you want to switch it, and whether you think switching it will make you happy, and which name you feel strongly enough about to be worth the hassle and kerfuffle.

If the baby were not yet named, I’d be advising you to start over: the names you have on your list are causing you to go in circles. Since the baby is named, I find I have a very strong opinion: I think you should keep her name and call her Catherine instead of Cate. It seems to me that most (if not all) of your current uncertainty is about the nickname: too short, wrong sound, too common, too much like Grady/Gray, not wanting it changed to Catie. Calling her Catherine solves all of these problems, and Catherine is a wonderful name: one of my children has a classmate named Catherine, and it is a pleasing fresh surprise each time I hear it. At only 3 syllables, I don’t think it requires a nickname, though a nickname may come about naturally (I knew a Katherine who went by Kitty as a child, and a Catherine who in her high school years went by Cat). Gray and Catherine is a wonderful sibling set.

I think you made a very good, solid choice when you chose Catherine Hazel, and I think you would be sorry in the long term if you changed it to Charlotte (which is widely predicted to get even more popular) or Carly (which is a less solid choice to begin with, and then has the iCarly complication) or Hazel (which does sound like a color to me when I hear it with Gray).

[Edited to add:] Dang it: as Elle pointed out in the comments, I missed the part about not calling her Catherine for family reasons. In that case, I don’t have any ideas. None of the other names/combinations on your list seem right to you, either, and shuffling them around seems to be increasing the “NOTHING WORKS!!” anxiety. I think you’ll have to choose between calling her Cate or starting all over with a new list. Or perhaps find a non-name-related nickname to call her. Or call her “Rinnie” for the second half of Catherine. Or perhaps the “family reasons” can be overcome?

Michelle writes:

We just found out we are having another girl due Jan. 2 and are struggling with a name.
We named our first daughter with relative ease. Emery (after my grandfather) Margaret Sue for her grandmothers. Our last name is Sullivan.
The husband vetoed Violet and Fiona and I vetoed Lily. Her middle name will be Sarah after my sister so that eliminates any A names because I would prefer her initials not spell profanity. I also don’t think any S names will do.
I want to avoid anything in the top 100 baby names. I do like slightly unusual or something that sounds older.
We need help!

Thanks!

Because the name Emery is androgynous, I hesitate to go too feminine for a sister name. And because I think of it as a more modern name (for girls, that is—for boys it’s a throwback), I hesitate to go too traditional or classic for a sister name.

Chauncey Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Chauncey
Delaney Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Delaney
Hadley Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Hadley
Harper Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Harper
Macy Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Macy
Paisley Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Paisley
Trilby Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Trilby

But I’m thrown off because your contenders (Violet, Fiona, and Lily) are so very feminine and established.

Maybe something like Hazel? It’s a recent revival but still fully steeped in that old-timey sound. Hazel Sarah Sullivan; Emery and Hazel.

Or Willa: Willa Sarah Sullivan, Emery and Willa.

Hello! This is a reminder that if you submit a baby name question, and then some time goes by and we haven’t gotten to your due month yet and you want to change your question (like if your name contenders have changed in the meantime, or if you didn’t know the sex of the baby before but now you do), go right ahead and don’t be shy!

Stephanie writes:

I am expecting twin boys right after January 1st ish and hopefully not sooner! We have one name picked out, but are having a really tough time with the 2nd. We have one daughter already and her name is Maxine Ruth. Our last name is hyphenated (L-M) and the first last name is three syllables and is French, the second last name is one syllable. Any middle name needs to be Hebrew/Jewish because it also serves as the Hebrew name for our children. So Maxine’s Hebrew name is Ruth. Right now we agree on Theodore Rahm for Baby Boy 1. Incidentally, that was the only name we agreed upon when I was pregnant with our daughter. Finally, we would like to honor a dear uncle that has passed and his name was Thomas. But I don’t want a Teddy and a Tommy…..

Some names that we like, but just are not sure about are:
Elias
Elliot
Gideon
Ira
Simon

We like older, classic names. Simon is my favorite, but my husband thinks that they will get “Chipmunk” jokes…Alvin, Simon and Theodore. My husband really likes Elias, but Eli is so popular right now and I don’t love popular. I also like Samuel, but a cousin has a Samuel, though we are not that close.

Teom might be a good middle name b/c is it Hebrew for twins and Thomas means twins in aramaic. So that would allow us to honor Uncle Thomas, but what first name goes with Teom???

HELP!

Teom definitely seems like the perfect solution. I had to look it up to see how it was pronounced, and it’s teh-OHM. I think that sounds good with all the names on your list.

Simon is my own favorite. I think your husband might be right about the chipmunk thing, but for me it wouldn’t rule the name out completely—just a single mark in the “against” column. If I heard of twins named Simon and Theodore, it would come to mind; if I heard it in the other order, Theodore and Simon, I think I would think briefly that something sounded familiar about that, but not make the connection. Hm. Actually, the longer I think about it, the bigger a problem it seems like. Well, I like Elias a lot, too, but since you’re having reservations about it, maybe we can see what happens if we rule out both your top choice and his top choice.

Of the remaining possibilities, my favorite is Elliot. I like the way it sounds with Theodore. But Gideon is a close second, and I prefer the way it sounds with Teom, since it doesn’t have the problem of a repeating T sound.

I’m hesitant to add to your list because I think you have so many good options already, but I also like Everett and Frederick. Frederick is probably out because of Teddy and Freddy, but the full names are so good together, and I do deep-down enjoy some fun twinniness in twin names. Well, I also like Franklin, and Teddy and Frankie is cute without rhyming.

M. writes:

Here’s our issue: hyphenated last names. His last name is something along the lines of Addison, and my last name sounds like the words “whole” and “singer” put together. Our (future hypothetical) children will have the last name of either Addison-Wholesinger or Wholesinger-Addison. (Yes, we know it’s a mouthful. It may not be perfect, but it’s what makes the most sense to us. Plus, my husband has a hyphenated first name, so we’re already comfortable with names that include punctuation.)

So my first question is, should we go with Addison-Wholesinger and Wholesinger-Addison? Unsurprisingly, we each like the sound of our own name first. But I’m not sure he knows why he likes his name first (other than the fact that it’s his name first), while I truly believe that Wholesinger-Addison flows better — something about the transition between -son and Whole- in Addison-Wholesinger seems choppy to me. Plus, I don’t like combining a first name that ends in A with a last name that begins with A, so Wholesinger-Addison would leave us with more first name options, especially if we have a girl. What do you think? Is there anything else to consider that we’re missing?

My second question is, what should we be focusing on when we draw up lists, given that our (future hypothetical) children are definitely going to have a loooooong last name, which they will most likely have to repeat and spell again and again (if my experience with Wholesinger is any measure)? We both prefer more uncommon names, but should we try to stick to the common and familiar just to give them a break? Also, would we be better off with short, one-syllable names to offset the length of the last name, or would longer first names create a better balance and flow with a long last name? FYI, some of the names that we like are Nieve (the only name we really both LOVE), Greer, Marie, Bea, and Pearl for a girl, or Ash/Ashe, Gray, Noel, or Zane for a boy, although we brainstormed those names when we were focusing on super short names, which we’re now starting to reconsider, in part because it’s *really* limiting.

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

If I were you, I would go with custom for the surname: mother’s name first, then father’s. You CAN choose which order the names go in, but the protocol is Hers-His. This settles the argument AND gives your child an easier life, name-wise. If your husband gets hung up on wanting his own name first, you can remind him that in the patriarchal naming tradition, the name after the hyphen is in the “better slot.” (Can you tell I am clenching my teeth to even pass along that information? But it might help you get the names the way you prefer them.)

And if I were you, I would go with the short and simple first name, yes. Six syllables and a punctuation mark is, as you say, a lot of last name and a lot of spelling and repeating. However, I’m saying only that it would be my own preference, and I LIKE common/simple names (I think Eve Wholesinger-Addison would be GORGEOUS), so it’s not necessarily what I think YOU should do.

One good way to consider names is to think “Would _I_ want this name, MYSELF?” It’s not a perfect system because of the way names sound different in each generation: just because I wouldn’t want to have been named Juniper in the mid-’70s doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want it if I were born this year. But it can be a helpful exercise when you’re trying to balance your own tastes with the fact that you’re choosing something for another person. Or perhaps you could brainstorm lists without considering the surname, and then see if any of your favorite names have shorter or easier forms that would work better with the surname.

Speaking of brainstorming, I notice that you and your husband did not hyphenate your own surnames when you married, and a child-naming solution I’ve seen for such situations is to give all the girls the mother’s surname and all the boys the father’s surname. It’s confusing, yes, but so are all the surname possibilities other than Standard Patriarchal (it is not often I get to use the word “patriarchal” twice before lunchtime!), and this one would let you use longer and more unusual first names. (I hope you will pardon me if you’ve considered all such solutions already and would prefer not to have more input on it—I realize you didn’t ask for advice on this issue, but the possibility sprang to mind as I was considering the conundrum the long surname causes with your naming style. And it may be an idea that would interest someone else with a similar situation who was reading this post.)

Heather writes:

I’m expecting twin girls at the end of December and we are having trouble deciding on names! Our two older girls are named Dagny and Harper, both names that we agreed to early on, and our last name is Robinson which works well with a lot of things. For the twins right now we like Auden a lot, but we are really having a hard time with the other name. We don’t have to be too tied to the literary connection between the names, and also want something a unique (Harper became more trendy since we named our daughter in ’09). Some names we have considered so far: Poppy, Tate, Penelope (Penny), Paige, Tabitha, Finna, Sawyer. Poppy is probably our first choice, but I’m concerned about it being too trendy, not serious enough as she gets older, and it’s very different than the others. We like Tate too but are worried about it being too masculine, and I don’t really like Tatum. Help!

Thanks for your advice!

Jen writes:

We are expecting our second child, a daughter, on November 26. Our son’s name is Theo James Ferowska (my husband’s surname).

We have two finalists for a name:

Daria Jane Ferowska

or

Jane unknown-middle-name Ferowska

We really like the name Daria, but are worried that it will be mispronounced (“DAH-ree-a” is the correct pronunciation but many people say “DARE-y-a” instead). An informal survey of my colleagues indicates an approximately 30% mispronunciation rate.

I would be most curious as to your thoughts, and those of your readers, on whether/how much this “matters”? Should we just go with the simpler Jane as a first name instead?

 
If your favorite is Daria, I think you should use Daria. I think almost every name is pronounced incorrectly now and then: I’m Kristen, which seems straightforward to me, but it gets pronounced “Kristine” surprisingly often. It’s not a big deal. I knew Daria was DAH-ree-ah (I used to watch MTV!), but let’s have a poll over to the right to find out the percentage of readers who knew. [Poll closed; see results below.]

R. writes:

I’ve thought about writing for your advice several times, but my husband and I would decide on a name and we thought that was that. Until I would bring up the name and my husband would agree that he was over it as well. I think at this point we are going to go into the hospital with a list and a prayer, but I hope you and your readers can help us fine tune our choices or discover something new!

So, here’s the scoop:

I’m due 12/23 and we don’t know what we’re having. I’m a little shy about posting our last name, but it is critical to the naming process because so many names we love just don’t work with it. Our last name is Long if you substitute an ‘a’ for the ‘o.’ Funny, and long, touching story is, my husband actually took MY name, but ever since we’ve had this naming dilemma I’ve had second thoughts about it. Well, not really, but it’s definitely crossed my mind:) We do not know what we’re having. In trying to keep this short, I’ll give you (abbreviated) lists of names we’ve considered.

Girls

Adelaide: I’ve loved this name forever and my husband agreed to it to my surprise. But it’s horrible with our last name.
Adele: The nickname we would have used for Adelaide (we didn’t want Addy). We still may use this, but it’s still not the best with our last name. Maybe a middle name.
Marin: We were both set on this for awhile, but now agree that it just doesn’t seem ‘right.’
Genevieve, Felicity: I love, he doesn’t.
Celia: Okay for both of us.
Corrine (nn Cora): This is our current front runner. Does it sound like ‘Coral’ when you say Cora with our last name? Does that matter?
Victoria: My husband’s mother’s name. He’s not sure if he wants to use it or not, and I’m letting him decide. I think it would be a middle name if we use it. We both like the name but aren’t crazy about ‘Vicky’ and ‘Tori’ as nicknames. I know we could just use the full name, my niece has never been nicknamed and her name is one that is often shortened, but I’d like the obvious nicknames to be ones we like.

Boys

Callum: I loved for awhile and my husband came around to it. But now I’m kind-of over it.
Kai: I like it, husband loves it, but I think it’s too short with our last name.
Dexter: Husband is coming around to this one.
Seth: Hubby’s favorite. I could live with it, but I think it’s too short with our last name.
Asa, Elias: On the list at some point.
Gideon, Sebastian, Everett: I’ve suggested but husband doesn’t like or is only luke-warm to the idea.
Kieran: This is our current front-runner. I just worry that it’s odd (as with some of our other names) because it’s very Irish when neither of us are Irish. The strongest cultural tie we have is Italian.

Any ‘rules’ we have aren’t too uncommon for parents when considering names for their children: we want something that’s not too popular or trendy and will fit an infant as well as an adult. We have considered some more unusual, but not ‘made up,’ names and still will if it’s right. I think a lot of the names I like fit into The Baby Name Wizard’s ‘Antique Charm’ and ‘Why Not?’ lists in the current book. I work with children (from birth on up) so I feel pretty close to the trends and want something that doesn’t bore me. I just asked my husband what his requirements are and he said “something unique.” As you can see, our rules are flexible since our current lists are all over the place! Do you see anything we may be missing? Help!!!!

We appreciate any input you can offer!

My favorite name on your boy list is Kieran. I think Kieran sounds great with your surname, and I don’t think it’s over-Irish: that is, I do think it sounds Irish, but I don’t think it seems inappropriate to use it.

Callum makes me think of Calvin and Callan and Camden.

I also wonder if you might like Elliot or Emmett.

Matthew, Theo, and Timothy have the gentle sound of Seth, but with more than one syllable.

The name Kyle is like Kai with another syllable, so it’s too bad that extra syllable had to be an L-sound. Kyler would work better but I like it less.

From your girl names, my favorites are Genevieve and Felicity, and in fact I was a little squee-ish because those are probably my top two favorite girl names on my OWN list. Can we bring your husband around, do you think? I particularly like Genevieve with your surname. It sounds smart and professional and sassy and confident. And Genevieve has such cute nicknames: Gen and Genny and Genna, of course, but also Evie and Vivi.

I also love Cora, but on its own rather than as a nickname. I do think it runs together a bit with your surname, but on the other hand the name Coral is so uncommon, it might not occur to anyone. And if you do use Corrine as the official first name, I don’t think it matters if the nickname runs into the surname a bit.

Kieran and Marin and Corinne make me think of Karenna.

I also wonder if you might like Bethan or Bethany. (I wouldn’t have thought of it from your girl name list, but thought of it when I was trying to think of “names like Seth but longer.)

Celia and Felicity make me think of Cecily and Clarissa.

Jane writes:

Our baby boy is due Nov. 23 and we’re having real difficulty settling on a name. We’re using my husband’s last name, which is M_n (rhymes with tin or bin). We are currently considering August Emerson M_n and Langston Fitzgerald M_n or Langston Emmett M_n. I’ve always loved the name Emmett and like “em” sounds, but my cousin named her son Emmett and Emerson is now more commonly used for girls. I feel comfortable using these names as middle names, but not as first names. Our son will have an additional Korean middle name that begins with “G.” I really like the name Elijah, but it’s extremely popular, and I also like Theodore. My husband likes Sawyer, Wyatt, Orion, Thurston, and Porter. I don’t dislike these names, but I’m not sure about the “n” endings in combination with M_n (is Langston a problem for this reason?). Wyatt is now very popular, and I can’t tell whether Sawyer will continue to gain popularity (or if it only experienced a brief spike due to “Lost”). None of the above are family names and there are no family names or sounds that we feel we must use. We would like to find a name that’s not very popular, but that is still familiar. I like names with the possibility of a nickname (e.g., Augie or Gus for August), but it’s not an absolute. We can’t use names such as Sam, Finn, or Quinn or names beginning with “C” because of the last name. Thanks so much for your help! I’m eager to hear your recommendations.
Take care.

I think you’ve already found your name: I think the name August fits all your preferences very well. I also like August Elijah Q__ M_n: the middle name slot is a great place for a name parents love but wish wasn’t so common.

Amanda writes:

I am pregnant with my first baby and don’t know the sex yet. I like semi unusual names – but not in spelling cause I don’t want the child always having to spell their name (if we can get away with that). We have had no issues picking the name for the girl Charlie Ruth Hollis (Ruth being a family name).

But the boy name has been a HUGE issue. I don’t want a common name like Jack, we had picked Jake, but then it was taken from us by a friend. We semi liked Lucas, but drifted away from it and are now thinking Kahn. The middle name will be Johnstone (my last name) and Hollis as the last name.

I love name you can give a nickname for, but so far all the names I like Landon, Hunter, Jett and Dominic have been vetoed by my partner because they sound “gay” (don’t ask, I am working on his issues).

I guess I am scared Kahn is more of a last name and also might sound too un-western?? But then I think the last name Hollis is perfect for a nickname and I might just start calling him Hollis if it ends up being a boy.

Help!!!!

I think Kahn has the very spelling issues you’re trying to avoid, but to me an even bigger issue is that I immediately think of the oft-parodied scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan where Captain Kirk yells “KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!” I’m not even a Trekkie type and it comes instantly and amusingly to mind.

If you initially chose Jake and would still like to choose it, I suggest doing so. Names are not one-time-use items, and a friend’s use of the name doesn’t mean you can’t also use it. On the other hand, Jacob (frequently nicknamed Jake) is the most popular boy name in the United States right now, so you might be disappointed with its commonness.

I think the name Wyatt might be a good choice for you. Wyatt Johnstone Hollis.

Or perhaps Zachary, which gives you the nickname Zach/Zack: Zachary Johnstone Hollis.

Or Keegan: Keegan Johnstone Hollis.

Or Lincoln, with the cute nickname Linc/Link: Lincoln Johnstone Hollis.

Or Beckett (Beck): Beckett Johnstone Hollis.