Sara writes:

Okay so I keep thinking we’ll figure this out, unassisted, but we need help!!

We’re due with baby #2 right at the beginning of August. The gender is a surprise! Last name is pronounced “May-duh.”

We have a 17 month old girl Avery Hughes. Her middle name is my middle name, which is my mother’s maiden name. We both just loved the name Avery and it fits her to a tee.

If this child is a boy we think we have the name….
Carson Fisher (Fisher is another family name)

For getting a feel for our taste other boy names we like include Levi, Corey, and Owen.

For a girl here are our top two picks, slightly ranked, though lots of disagreements between us exist!

Caroline (husband’s all time fave. I think I could like it, but then I feel we would never use Carson for a boy. And I hear it pronounced Carolyn all of the time. AND I’m a big nickname person and I dislike Carol. Can Callie be used as a nick name?)

Margaret (both of our dear grandma’s were Margarets. We don’t care for Maggie….so we’re way on the fence with this one.)

Others in the mix that cause disagreements one way or the other include: Blair, Katherine, Hannah, Paige

As for middle names we are thinking of using Grace, because we both like it.

For Margaret would an option be to name her “Margaret Elizabeth” and call her M.E. (as in Emmy?) We both kind of like that idea, but aren’t sure about how silly that is, sounds, and will be carried out.

Why was naming our first so easy!?!?!

Thanks a ton for your help!!

Avery is a unisex surname name, and so is the boy-name candidate Carson. Caroline and Margaret are both in another category—more of a timeless, traditional, British royalty category. So if we were talking about this over coffee, the first question I’d ask is if you’d like the sibling names to coordinate: some people like them to, and some people don’t mind either way. I think it matters more if there’s one single stand-out name than if there’s a happy jumble—so if you have a girl this time but might have a Carson later, I’d be more inclined to urge you to find a girl name in the Avery/Carson style category.

As I look, I’m finding that many names go TOO well with Avery. Ellery, for example, gets me singing “Avery and Ellery / Live together in perfect harmony.” And although I don’t want to be overly influenced by the idea of a possible Carson later on (you might not even be planning more children, or you might have all girls, or you might change your mind on the name by then), names like Teagan and Peyton seem to take sides with Carson instead of with Avery; it’s not of utmost importance, but it did motivate me to find a softer ending for a girl name. Names like Darcy and Callan and Carys would likely rule out Carson later, so I tried to avoid those too. And Brinley would be really great (especially if you had a Carson next: A, B, C), unless the initials bother you; they do bother me, so I ended up skipping over some possibly very good names from the B section (Bailey, Berkeley, Briony, Braelyn).

Finley is my first choice. It’s another unisex surname name, currently used more often for girls than for boys. Finley Mayduh; Avery and Finley. I like the idea of giving her a family middle name like her sister has, and I love the sound of Finley Margaret.

Another possibility is Hollis, a unisex name used more often for boys (47 girls and 86 boys in 2010, according to the Social Security Administration), but it strikes me as more feminine because of the nickname Holly. Hollis Mayduh; Avery and Hollis.

Or Shelby. Shelby Mayduh; Avery and Shelby.

Delaney Mayduh; Avery and Delaney.

Skylar Mayduh; Avery and Skylar.

Sydney Mayduh; Avery and Sydney.

Ryleigh Mayduh; Avery and Ryleigh.

Rory is probably too similar, but I do like it and it reminds me of Corey from your list. Rory Maydah; Avery and Rory.

Owen makes me think of Rowan. I love it with Avery, but might not use it now if I wanted to use Carson later. Rowan Mayduh; Avery and Rowan.

If Paige isn’t quite right, maybe Padgett. Padgett Mayduh; Avery and Padgett.

But I like Finley much more than any of these, and in fact I’m feeling like pressuring you to use it. Avery Hughes and Finley Margaret!

Lindsley writes:

I am due with our 4th child in June. I have spent LOTS of time carefully and lovingly selecting each of my children’s names and this last one is no different.

We have a son and two daughters and are expecting our second son. Yay for two and two! Each of the kids have been given first names that we love and thought to be less than common and middle names that honor a family member that we love. :) . My name is Lindsley and my husband is Dole-not too common.

At the time we named our oldest, we had no idea how popular Braeden was or would become. However, we adore our Braeden Michael and his name suits him.

As for the girls, we have Ellery Kate and Holland Ray.

This little boy’s middle name is going to be Mason, my mom’s maiden name (We are running out of family names. I stipulate that the family name can’t just come from far back on the tree. I enjoy having a personal connection to the person we honor). I also seem to be set on a singular syllable name this time around and the front runner is Grey. Grey Mason Gr****ik. So this name is an alliteration with the Gr Gr sounds. I think it sounds strong. I am wanting some confirmation that it is in fact a strong sounding name.

Initially I had hesitation with Grey Mason. I do not know if it flows as well as I think my other first and middle name combinations do (for the other kids). I tend to use the kids first and middle names all the time (not just when they are in trouble).

Other names that have graced my list a some point or another?

Bowen (ruled out for the similarity to Braeden)
Brooks (what is it with me and the B names?)
Latham (doesn’t lend to an obvious nickname)
Pace
Cort
Reeve
Jensen (learned it was more popular than I thought)

I am in love with the notion of a sweet little baby Grey. It conjures up thoughts of soft, sweetness as a baby, mischievous fun as a boy, and strength and sophistication as a man.

So, Braeden, Ellery Holland & Grey?? :)

Thanks, Swistle!

I think it’s great. Here are some of the things I like about it:

1. The way it sounds in the line-up of sibling names: 2-3-2-1. Very nice. If you were inclined to write rhyming stories about them, you would be all set. “Braeden, Ellery, Holland, and Grey / Went outside on a sunny day.”

2. The way the two girls have a double-L in common, and the two boys have a strong long-A sound in common.

3. They way you’ve spelled it. Gray makes me think of Gary and of gravy; Grey makes me think of cozy flannel and distinguished handsome men—a very pleasing combination.

Does Grey Gr____ik sound good without Mason in between? People are usually known by first and last only, and a middle name can act as a false bridge, tying two names together that won’t work without it. Color names in particular sometimes make the first/last name combination sound like the name of a rare bird.

If you call the kids by first-middles, Grey Mason is not quite as good as, say, Braeden Michael. But it’s not bad, either: it doesn’t blend to make an undesirable sound or girl’s name or anything. And I think loving the first name and having a personal family connection to the middle name are more important in the long run.

It sounds to me like the baby is named and that you’re having normal last-minute uncertainties before committing. But if it’s fun to think about it more, I also like Reeve from your list. That’s my favorite if the middle name is set: Pace Mason and Latham Mason and Jensen Mason don’t sound as good to me.

I think of Jensen as a surname name that tips more feminine (even though it’s currently used more often for boys), because of the potential Jen/Jenny nickname—very similar to Holland (Holly) and Ellery (Ellie). A similar name that tips more masculine is Lawson. Not so good with Mason, though.

Or Lennox, which is better with Mason. We’ve heard that one mentioned on the blog a couple of times recently for girls, but it’s still mostly used for boys (22 girls and 214 boys in 2010, according to the Social Security Administration; I’m looking forward to the 2011 data coming out next month).

Or Redford, also nice with Mason.

If you like Bowen, I wonder if you’d like Rohan? Again, not great with Mason.

Pace makes me think of Tyce. Tyce Mason. I can’t tell if that works or not.

K. writes:

I am currently 38 weeks pregnant, so we are running out of time to settle on names. After many weeks of obsessively poring over baby name blogs/lists/books I finally thought we’d managed to settle on at least a girl’s name (we don’t actually know the gender of the baby yet).

However, my DH has just pointed out that with our last name beginning with L. our choice of Evie becomes Evie L. We’re worried this sounds a bit too much like Evil. What do you and your readers think? An alternative, Eve, is even worse (and I find it a bit too much on the religious side), and we don’t like the Evelyn/Eva options. The nickname Evie is what it would go by anyway, so the issue really is the Evie L./Evil connection.

Some further information, in case anyone wants to make additional suggestions: our last name is two syllables and ends in an ‘ee’ sound. (Note: The combination of first and last name both having ‘ee’ sounds doesn’t really bother me, for the right name.) Our first child is a little boy called Felix. We think this next baby will be our last.

Some other names that have been finalists for a girl include Sylvie (currently thinking this is too similar to Sophie, the name of a close cousin; and starting to sound a bit too much on the grandma side to me), Grace (currently sounding a bit too ordinary/plain; would go by Gracie). A couple of loved, but rejected names, include Esme (love this name, but would probably want to shorten it – can’t think of a nickname I like, and can think of some potential nicknames I don’t like e.g. Essy/Ezzy/May), Camille (pronunciation issues, and runs into our L. last name) and Lyra (doesn’t flow well with our last name).

We’re not really set with a boys name either (sigh). A few potential finalists include Finn (a bit too popular? Finnan is a potential longer name that could be ok, but opens up spelling issues; also, both siblings would start with ‘F’), Oscar (don’t like the nickname Ossy; the Odd Couple association is slightly annoying as well – i.e. Felix and Oscar siblings), Archer (DH not real keen), August (on the list with our previous child, but gone off it lately), Sidney (DH not keen on link with the city – we live in Australia, though not in Sydney), Luca/Lucas (Luca sounding a bit feminine to me; Lucas may be a bit too ordinary, and the s sound runs into the L of our last name in a bad way; L names with our last name sound a bit super-heroish to me i.e. like Lex Luther).

As far as name styles go, we tend to like names that are slightly unusual/old-fashioned, but not unheard of. For girls we like feminine sounding names, and unisex names are out for either gender. For boys, we like masculine names, but not too tough sounding. I also seem to have a particular liking for ‘ie’ endings for girls, and I generally don’t like names ending in ‘a’ e.g. Sylvia, Sophia, Eva, although there are exceptions e.g. Lyra, Greta (Greta was rejected by me as we know someone in a town we used to live in who has both a Felix and a Greta; also, DH not keen on Greta in general). We will give the child a middle name as well, but for now I just want to have a first name to work with!

Sigh, this has been a long letter, but we’re really struggling here with names and I could do with all the help I can get!

Thank you!

 
After thinking it over for awhile, my own opinion is that Eve L. would be a deal-breaker, but that Evie L. is okay. I think we should have a poll over to the right to see what everyone else thinks. [Poll closed; see results below.]

However, it would sit even better with me if Evie were the nickname rather than the given name. One Evie-nickname that doesn’t start with Ev- is Genevieve. I love it with Felix, too: Felix and Genevieve.

Another is Geneva. Felix and Geneva.

The spelling Silvie may make the name Sylvie seem more youthful. It doesn’t seem too close to Sophie to me; for sisters, yes, but not for cousins.

Without a surname to work with, it’s difficult to think of brother names for Felix. I’d suggest Milo and Leo, for example, but those are likely a problem with the L in the surname. Or maybe not, since the L in Felix is okay.

Simon might work. I like Felix and Simon together, and it continues to work well if things change and you have a little Evie later on.

I see The Baby Name Wizard recommends Oliver, which might have the flavor of Oscar without the Odd Couple associations.

I also like Felix and Calvin, especially with the cute nickname Cal.

Or Felix and Wesley: Wes is one of my top favorite boy nicknames.

Clark is unusual but not unheard-of.

Or Lincoln/Linc. Felix and Lincoln.

Finian makes me think of Declan. Felix and Declan.

Poll results for “Is ‘Evie L.’ too close to ‘evil’?” (351 votes total):

Yes, it’s too close – 101 votes (29%)
No, I don’t think it’s a problem – 150 votes (43%)
Yes as a given name, no as a nickname – 86 votes (25%)
Can’t decide – 14 votes (4%)

Joseph’s Mom writes:

I was just reading up on the above article. My son goes by his middle name for many reasons. His first name is Joseph ( it’s my husband’s MN, his grandfather’s FN, my husband’s nephew’s FN, my brother’s FN and countless relatives in my family’s FN. The flow is much better and so are the god forbid “teenager n.n. of going by one’s initials. We also have an extremely common last name, so coupled with Joseph makes me cringe with 1000’s of others ie. Jennifer Jones) my questions are:

1. How do I get my in-laws to not make up their own name for him? Ie. Joey. He has and will never be known by this, especially seeing as it’s their older nephew’s NN. (history to make you lol, all others kids do not go by their “legal” name but yet by a nn ie. Jennifer= Jennie, Richard= Ritchie . So WTH is it a problem with our son going by his MN vs a made up NN?)

2. On invites, toys, monogram bags etc. I would prefer the MN or his every day name used, is this wrong? I know school, doctors, savings bonds it will always be his legal name or J.___

3. After reading the responses, my question is how does one have legal stuff with their MN’s such as a credit card? I assumed this was not possible.

Thanks

 
The third question I will have to turn over to others who have had experience with it.

To continue backwards through the list, I think it makes perfect sense to use his everyday (middle) name on invitations and toys and so forth. If I knew an Andrew and he went exclusively by Drew, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see “Drew” embroidered on backpacks or stitched on bean-bag chairs or used to issue invitations. And if everyone knew him only as Drew, and he referred to himself as Drew, this would be only sensible. It would be the same if I knew a Joseph Paul Smith IV who always went by Paul: I would expect to see “Paul” on his lunchbox and on his coat tag and on his birthday party invitations. It would be trickier with monogrammed initials, but I might just not DO monogrammed initials. Usually such things are optional/decorative.

I’ve saved the first question for last because it is the most difficult. Going by a middle name shouldn’t be any stranger than going by a nickname of the first name, but in our culture it just IS. Should your in-laws call your son by the name you’ve specified? Yes, of course. Can/should you force the issue? Probably not—or rather, only up to a point. I suggest Baby Naming Issue: Other People are Using an Unwanted Nickname for fuller coverage of this topic, and also to get commiseration/ideas from the comments section. The short version is that I do think it’s possible to say in a kind but firm voice (it should be their son’s kind firm voice, I think, for maximum effect and minimum relationship damage) something like “We’d really prefer you call him Paul; that’s the name he’ll be going by,” or to politely/sweetly correct them each time with “It’s Paul” or “Oh, we’re not using Joey, we’re using Paul.”

But if they don’t change their behavior in response to this, you will have to decide if it’s a hill you want to die on—especially considering your son may himself choose to go by Joe or Joey when he’s older. In the long run it can be the happier path to roll your eyes and spin it as “their special nickname for him” (and get a little pleasure from saying so in front of them when you correct other people), and let your son tell them “no” later on if he doesn’t like it.

Chris writes:

My wife and I will welcome our second daughter into this world within the next couple of weeks and I’m embarrased to say we do not have a name picked out yet! Our two front runners are Palmer and Sloane. However, we are not in love with either and are hoping that we will eventually come across a name we absolutely love or end up siding with one or the other – Palmer or Sloane. Our last name starts with a S and ends with in (S….in). My name is Chris and my wife’s name is Hollie. I would prefer a first name that does not end with an S as my first and last name kind of run together. By the way, I would wait and let my wife type this tomorrow but she is having contractions so I better hammer this out quick! So, we have one child. A precious little girl named Piper Wesley. We like names that are different yet not too crazy. I love the name Harper but I know a handful of babies named Harper. Far too common for us. We are open to any suggestions and hope you guys can help us so our new baby girl will have a name when she is born! Need help with middle names too. If we end up going with Palmer or Sloan, we want the middle name to be feminine considering both are not very girly. Perhaps, Sloan Alexandra…Palmer Grace….
SOS. Please HELP!!!!!!

Normally we answer questions that arrive in the previous week, so I would have put this on the “no hope of answering in time” pile. However, it reminds me of a previous post we did (Baby Girl Chaplin, Sister to Lennox Elizabeth), which at least would give you feedback on Palmer and on mixing first names with surname names, so I’ll go ahead and post a link to that one and perhaps that and its comments section will be of some use.

Holly writes:

Hi! My husband and I are expecting our first child in late August (our last name is Miller). At this point we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl but we do plan to find out in a few more weeks. For a girl, we both like/agree on the name Montgomery though I can’t decide yet on a middle name. Since Montgomery is pretty long, I thought about Emory or Emery as a nickname. My husband seems okay with this and I really love it. Now, the bigger issue is a boy name. My husband LOVES and desperately wants to name a boy Zechariah. I’m still debating whether or not I like it (it’s starting to grow on me) but the main issue I have is that it’s also a long name and doesn’t seem to have any good nicknames. The obvious one would be Zech or Zeck but does this sound too weird? If someone introduced themselves as Zech to me, I think I would say “Zek? Zach? what?” I don’t really want our son to have this issue every time he meets someone and using the full name Zechariah all the time again, seems too long to me. My husband said we could go with Zeke as a nickname but that makes no sense to me. Zeke doesn’t relate to Zechariah in anyway, does it? Just to clarify, we would pronounce it ZEchariah not ZAchariah, so Zach or Zack is out. Thanks!

Are you sure you don’t want to consider Zachariah? It solves the issues, and the two are barely-different variants of the same name.

If you definitely want Zechariah, I don’t think Zeke (or Zach) is any more of a stretch than Emory/Emery is for Montgomery. Both nicknames take into account some of the sounds/letters from the name, while changing/dismissing others.

Julianne writes:

Hi! Love your blog and all your suggestions. Hoping you can help me with name ideas for our baby girl due in May.

We have a son named Graham Alexander. (Yes, very similar to Alexander Graham Bell but we don’t mind that at all since first name is strong with our last name.) Both names are family names.

Since our last name starts with a ‘Ca’ and ends with an ‘ry’, we’d like to avoid any first names that start and end with the same.

I do, however, love the name Caroline, just hesitant because of future nicknames, like CaCa. BUT, I do like the idea of the nickname CC. Or CiCi.

So names I’m not interested in:

-anything ending in -ie, or -y (too rhymey with our last name) –
unfortunate because I like names like Hattie or Hallee

-anything starting with Ca-
(like Catherine, Cara, Carsen, Carrie) – which is too bad because I like some of those names too

-anything ending in -s (so first and last names don’t create the word “scary”)-
which is also too bad because I like names like Hollis and Ellis

I like traditional names with a contemporary feel, if that makes sense. And would love for her name to pair well with Graham.

Can you help? Thanks!!! (this is obviously keeping me up at night! :))

You might be able to use an -ie/-y ending if it has the right rhythm, or more than two syllables: if your last name were Gary, for example (Gary is what I’ll use in the post to keep the surname private), Hallee Gary might be too rhymey (though it hasn’t struck me that way with Halle Berry), but Cecily Gary might be fine. Or maybe Hallee Gary is too rhymey, but Hillary Gary would be fine—well, or maybe we’d want to avoid two -ry endings. I like Cecily, though: Cecily Gary; Graham and Cecily. And Cecily gives you the CeeCee nickname on its own.

It also might work to use a full form of an -ie/-y ending name you like, if it doesn’t matter as much to you if nicknames are a little rhymey with the surname. Hattie could be short for Harriet or Henrietta, for example. Harriet Gary; Graham and Harriet. Or, well, with that specific example I suppose we might end up with Harry Gary—but the gist of the idea is that SOME -ie/-y names might be salvageable with full forms.

If you like Hollis and Ellis but want to avoid the -s ending, Holly might still be out but Ella is available, or Ellison, or Eliza, or Elsa.

Looking now for names to give you the CC nickname, I think Celeste would work beautifully. It gives you CC without a CaCa problem; it’s an established name but it’s sounding fresh again; and I love it with Graham. Celeste Gary; Graham and Celeste.

Charlotte would work well, too: Charlotte Gary; Graham and Charlotte.

Or Claudia. Claudia Gary; Graham and Claudia.

Changing back to just names I think are good with Graham, I like Genevieve. Graham and Genevieve.

Or Stella. Stella Gary; Graham and Stella.

Or Penelope. Penelope Gary; Graham and Penelope.

Or Rose. Rose Gary; Graham and Rose.

In fact, I find I’m having trouble narrowing things down: so MANY names sound good with Graham!

Elizabeth writes:

My husband and I are expecting a baby girl around April 20th. We have really struggled with picking a final name and are just fine with having 2 or 3 choices and deciding when we meet this little lady- however picking 2-3 has proven difficult as well. Our last name is Cameron. We would like to give her a “classic” sounding name that grows well with her from infancy through late adulthood. Here are some first and middle names that we have been considering. Any advice is welcome!

Firsts:
Della (great-grandmother)
Maeve
Adelyn
Katherine (nickname: Kay- honoring maternal grandmother)
Wyeth

Middles:
Adelyn
Maeve
Hayes (family name)
Katherine

Any other name suggestions are appreciated and we are definitely looking for some advice in terms of name order.

Thank you!

 
If you are looking for a classic-sounding name that will grow with her, Katherine’s your girl. I’m not sure, though, about the sound of Katherine Cameron. Similar classic names: Margaret, Elizabeth, Victoria.

From your lists, my (alphabetized) favorites are:

Della Hayes Cameron
Della Katherine Cameron
Della Wyeth Cameron
Katherine Hayes Cameron
Katherine Maeve Cameron
Maeve Katherine Cameron
Maeve Wyeth Cameron

It’s too soon to call it, but I’m worried Adelyn/Adalyn/Adalynn/Adelynn/Addilyn might end up clumped with Addison and Madison rather than with the classics. I’d suggest Madeline or Madeleine or Adeline or Abigail or Nadia or Adrianna or Adelaide.

If you like Wyeth, I suggest Meredith and Willa and Gwyneth and Elizabeth and Athena and Bethany and Lilith. I’d like to suggest Bronwyn and Rowan and Arwen and Bethan, but I’m not sure they’re right with Cameron.

If this is your first baby and you plan on having more, I recommend thinking about what effect each name will have on names for future siblings. (See also: Advice for First-Time Parents.) There are so many different styles on your list, and it would be helpful to find out which most closely represent your own naming style. If you have a little girl named Katherine, and then you have another girl later, will you be able to find a sister name you like? If you instead name this little girl Wyeth, will you be able to find a sister name you like—or a brother name you like? It’s hard to have to think about sibling names when it’s already hard enough to think of a name just for THIS baby—but it may save you significant stress in the future.

My mother and I had a discussion the other day about the name Rowan/Rowen. Neither of us personally knows anyone with the name, or has heard it pronounced by anyone who does. I’ve been assuming a “row your boat” pronunciation, to rhyme with Owen. My mom has been assuming the first part was pronounced as in “ow, I hurt myself,” or as in the word rowdy, or as in Howard.

I tried to search online, and most of the evidence supports the row-your-boat pronunciation—but many places give the “rowdy”-type pronunciation as a second or alternate pronunciation, if not as a first. It’s additionally complicated because rowan and rowen are both nouns, and their pronunciations may or may not apply to the pronunciation of the name.

I’m going to put a poll over to the right, with a variety of answers to cover a variety of circumstances: I’d think we’d want a vote from someone who actually knows an actual Rowen or Rowan to carry more weight than a vote from someone who, like my mom and me, is just assuming a pronunciation. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results for “How Do You Pronounce the Name Rowan?” (506 votes total):

I know someone; it’s like Owen – 255 votes (50%)
I know someone; it’s like rowdy – 2 votes (0%)
I know at least once pronounced each way – 1 vote (0%)
I don’t know someone; I thought it was like Owen – 245 votes (48%)
I don’t know someone; I thought it was like rowdy – 3 votes (1%)

Mackenzie writes:

Background on the family would include myself Mackenzie Ruth and my husband Jackson Elliot “Jack”. Our last name sounds like Cunningham and this baby girl, our third child together, is due on April 23rd, 2012. We have two older children Jackson Brooks IV “Brooks” and Emery Taylor “Emery”. Long story short, my son goes by his middle name as he is the fourth, his first name was not my first choice, but it is the “Cunningham” family tradition to name the first son Jackson, and Brooks is a more appealing, unique choice of a name. Everyone in our family calls him Brooks, he introduces himself as Brooks to new people and although he knows his name is Jackson, he prefers to be called Brooks and will correct people if they use the wrong name with him.

Then we have our sweet baby girl Emery Taylor. I wanted her to be named Emerson Taylor after my maiden name (Emerson) and a friend who passed away in high school (Taylor). But, there was another “Cunningham” tradition that was in the way. The middle name Marie is typically used for women on that side of the family, but I was very adamant on my name choice. We compromised and gave her the name Emery because it sounds like it incorporates Marie (although my husband did lobby for Emarie/Emerie but I just couldn’t do it).

Now we get on the subject (finally!) of baby girl #2. My husband now insists on using the middle name Marie (as we did not use it with Emery), but it doesn’t feel right to me. We named our son after the Cunningham side of the family and Emery is partially named for the Cunningham’s, although her middle name represents a childhood friend of mine. I feel it is time to honor my part of the family. Possible name that could be used as either a first or middle name would be:
Lillian, Catherine, Ruth, Elizabeth, Caroline, Hadley, Shea, or Addison

Names that we have also looked at have been:
Kennedy, Reagan, Leighton, and Kinley

The pressure has also been put onto us by both sides of the family. My parents are arguing that they is no namesakes after them (William Hayes and Lillian Elizabeth), while my husband’s family is arguing the debate of Marie as a middle name.

Please help us Swistle as it seems you can be the only person of reason in the situation. Please!

My first impulse is to go back in time and pressure the two of you to use Emerson instead of Emery: not only is “mother’s maiden name as child’s first name” one of my favorite family name ideas, but it’s a beautiful balance for the “named for his father” naming tradition of your first child.

If altering the name Emerson to incorporate Marie WASN’T enough to satisfy the tradition, then the name Emerson should have been left alone (otherwise the sacrifice was too great to justify the change); because of this, I decree conclude that that Marie tradition HAS been satisfied. Perhaps this will make more sense to your husband’s family if it is suggested to them that changing your family name from Emerson to Emery was like changing their family name from Jackson to Jacoby. You gave up a great deal for the sake of their tradition—and two must-use (as opposed to fun and optional) traditions from one family is unreasonable to begin with.

Meanwhile, it sounds as if both sides of the family are being pushy and disagreeable. No one may demand a namesake be used, or complain if it isn’t. Namesakes are honors not be expected, but rather to be received with happy, teary-eyed surprise. Both sets of your parents made their own baby-naming decisions for their own babies, and now the decisions are up to you and your husband. You may even need to point this out in a polite and loving way. (It will help even more if your parents didn’t use family names for you and your siblings, or if your husband’s parents felt at all burdened by their own need to follow traditions.)

Now that we have dealt with the grandparents, we need to deal with your husband. The children in this family all carry his family surname, is that right? First and middle names are not also to be chosen based solely on his and his family’s preferences; if anything, the fact that his family is honored in every child’s name already should tip the use of other honor names toward your side of the family, so that each full name represents both sides. The names are to be decided by the two of you together; there is no room here for insisting, or for acting as if traditions are requirements that trump the other parent’s naming rights. He was very fortunate to marry a woman who was willing to let her son be named by tradition; insisting also now on a “typically used” middle name tradition is pushing it.

(Not that these paragraphs of should-ing and shouldn’t-ing will do you much good if the other people involved disagree. But sometimes it is heartening to have others on your side, even if it makes no difference to the reality of the situation.)

With the name Emery, my favorite names from your family list are Hadley, Shea, and Addison. And although I feel outraged on your behalf and it makes me feel stubborn and resistant to this idea, I reluctantly mention that Hadley Marie would be pretty cute, and would be a nice way to give each daughter a name that’s a mix of mother’s and father’s sides.

But I prefer Hadley Elizabeth. Or Addison Hayes would be nice with Emery Taylor. I’m finding Shea harder to work with, and Shea Cunningham sounds a little like Chez Cunningham, so maybe I’d put Shea in the middle name slot instead: Hadley Shea, Addison Shea.

I especially like the idea of using your middle name Ruth, to give each daughter a tie to your name as your son’s name ties to his father’s. Hadley Ruth, Addison Ruth.

The names on your joint list (Kennedy, Reagan, Leighton, Kinley) are all great with Emery, but they don’t seem as good with Cunningham. Maybe Landry would work. Landry Cunningham; Emery and Landry. Because it’s a unisex name, I’d go definite-feminine for the middle name: Landry Ruth, Landry Elizabeth, Landry Catherine.

Or to get rid of the unisex aspect, Laney would work well. Laney Cunningham; Emery and Laney. Laney Shea is fun to say, or Laney Ruth, or Laney Elizabeth.

Or Shelby. Shelby Ruth Cunningham, Shelby Elizabeth Cunningham.

Lila isn’t exactly Lillian, but might please your mother anyway. Lila Cunningham; Emery and Lila.

Or hey, would you want to do another combined name like Emery? Lilabeth would reflect both of your mom’s names, and then if you did Marie in the middle maybe everyone would be happy. Lilabeth Marie Cunningham; Emery and Lilabeth.