Update on Boy/Girl Twin Babies Kim-with-an-L

It’s here! Oh happy day! 2016 Social Security Administration Baby Name Data

Do you see anything you find surprising? Anything you thought would happen, and it did? Anything interesting? What did your kids’ names do, or the names you’re considering for future kids? (You don’t have to say what the specific names are, of course.)

Dear Swistle: You’ve helped me name two of my kids: the oldest and the youngest! Middle, as per usual, named himself. I’m done ​having children so I never in a bajillion years thought I’d be writing to you again. Here’s the thing, though. Marina Lynn, (our youngest, now four months old) though she’s obviously a Marina, has gotten a nickname, pronounced REE REE. The nickname came about as we watched her smile and giggle at us. It just stuck! “Hi REE REE!” we say. I think I started it. But now that this nickname is gaining traction I don’t know how to spell it. Is it Ree Ree or is it a RiRi or a Reeree or a Riri? Honestly? I don’t like any of the spellings! None of them jump out at me. And then I panic a little bit! Why didn’t I predict this contingency? What will we dooooooooo? I would ditch the nickname except for the fact that it’s sticking. Just heard my middle child call her Riri. (RiRi, Ree Ree, Reeree). Why am I panicking about this? Oh, I don’t know! Why do name freak-er outers freak out about names? THAT MUST BE THE REASON. I guess I’m feeling pressure to pick a spelling that is the BEST spelling in case it sticks all the way to high school. I thought you might be interested in tackling the subject of nicknames for a second and musing about it. And maybe, just maybe, we could do a poll?

I vote for not deciding now. The child is four months old; if the nickname sticks around long enough for her to need a consistent spelling for it, she will pick what she likes. So many babies have baby-talk nicknames along the lines of Ree-ree, Nee-nee, Sissy, La-la, Boo-boo bear, etc., and most of those nicknames drop by the wayside, or are only used in spoken language—or, if they need to be used in writing, the chosen spelling evolves. Ree Ree may be very temporary, or maybe she’ll grow up and be known to all as Ree, but at this point I would say there is no need for any of these three things: (1) panic, (2) regret, (3) a final decision. Let Marina handle this one if needed, when she’s old enough to do so. If you find you need a written form before then, pick your least-disliked of the ones you don’t like. I personally am a fan of Ree Ree, but I think it matters approximately zero at this point.

If I had to guess, my guess is that you are panicking about this because you have three young kids and one of them is a tiny baby. There is probably quite a bit of life-rearranging and adjustment going on right now, and probably not very much sleep. I think too that baby-name people tend to be PLANNERS, and we don’t like SURPRISES with the names we choose. If it makes you feel better to figure out a spelling, then I say continue to work on it—but it sounds like it’s making you feel worse. I don’t know if it will work for you, but one of my own favorite Coping Thoughts (it will not surprise you, I think, to learn that I frequently struggle with this exact type of panic/regret/must-decide-NOW situation) is “It’s okay to let this continue for now without a decision.” It would be absolutely fine to spell it an assortment of ways for now, and let a favorite spelling emerge with time.

Hello Swistle,

I am having the hardest time deciding on a name for our precious baby girl, arriving August 2017. She will be joining her big brother, 2 year old Jackson Wyatt (H)oode with a G.
I know this is my last child and will be my only girl, so I feel so much pressure to give her a name I would want as an adult (and as a child), that is unique but not weird, somewhat Southern but not overly girly, feminine but with an edge, and strong.
I have an aversion to names like Amelia, Olivia, etc. I guess I just am not into the old fashioned, super girly names.
I fell in love with the name Britton when I saw a little girl on the beach with the name monogrammed on her towel. I have tried a couple of Community chat boards and I have been shocked at the horrid people on there and how harshly they criticized it. They hated that it was a boy name for a girl (which I happen to LOVE), and a few of them claimed it was stupid to spell it BRITTON because that is just misspelling the country Britain. I don’t want it to have anything to do with the country, I just love the way it sounds.
So in the same fashion, I am attracted to Leighton and Cameron as well. Cameron seems like a safer bet, but I still really love it. I definitely don’t want something super popular. Jackson was more popular than I thought it would be, but it is my husband’s middle name and a family name for him. My husband’s name is a short name that starts with a B, and my name is Monica Jean (kinda country I know!)

Other names that have been in my list but have recently been eliminated due to how they sound with my simple one syllable last name of Hoode (with a G), are Blake and Beau.
I definitely can’t call a girl Beau Hoode (G) (sounds like No Good) ha!! That would be a terrible self fulfilling prophecy!
I am set in the middle name of Elizabeth, my mother’s mother was Mary Elizabeth, and we have already honored my husband’s side of the family, so I want something for my side.
And, It’s just such a beautiful name!

So as of now my short list includes

Britton Elizabeth

Cameron Elizabeth

Leighton Elizabeth

I have really enjoyed finding your blog and I can’t wait to hear your suggestions!!

Sincerely,

Monica

Ah, yes, I am familiar with the name boards. I first encountered them when pregnant with the twins: I joined a more general group for people who were due the same month as me, but my favorite place was the NAME area. People could ask name questions, and other people could weigh in! There was VOTING! It was thrilling!

But you know how this ends: soon I noticed the comments sections of those areas were snake pits. A few people were weighing in thoughtfully and giving careful, kind opinions that showed a full understanding that “not a name I personally am planning to choose” was not even remotely the same as “name that no one should choose”, but a huge percentage of the audience was there to do harm on purpose for fun. Another huge percentage of the audience was there to attack the attackers. Every question devolved into a squall. Wait, not squall. What’s the word I’m thinking of that’s not squall? Never mind, I’ll think of it.

Anyway, I never went back to that part of the internet. And when I started this blog, I had one major goal: no snake pit. And I suggest staying away from snake pits in general: if I remember correctly, and I absolutely do, they harshly criticize LITERALLY EVERY NAME UNDER THE SUN. This is because they are not actually there to discuss names, they are there to rip names apart. Find you an audience who can tell the difference, whether that’s us or whether that’s supportive friends/family. No snakes.

Oh: brawl. Brawl is the word I was trying to think of. Not squall.

So, to start with, Britton is not a misspelling of Britain unless that’s what someone intends it to be. It could be a misspelling or alternate spelling of Briton (someone who comes from Britain), but my guess is that it comes from the accurate spelling of the surname and/or from lengthening the name Britt. There are many names that come into existence through various or uncertain means. And in any case, Britton is a name: in 2015 it was given to 78 new baby girls and 106 new baby boys.

It hits my ear as a fresh snappy update of Brittany, and I love the nickname Britt. It sounds to me like it’s your top choice, and I think it goes very well with what you’re looking for in a name. The “embroidered beach towel” test is a great one: one of the names we ended up using got bumped way up on the candidate list after I saw it written on a drawing in a kindergarten classroom.

If you like Blake but find it too abrupt with the surname, I wonder if you’d like Blakely? Or Lakelyn? Or Lakelyn makes me think of Locklyn.

Readers may feel here as if they’re having deja vu: I used these same suggestions in a recent post. And as long as I’m doing that, let me suggest Delaney: I think it goes very well with what you’re hoping for here, and it has cute nicknames like Del and Laney. And Brinley is nice. Or Kinsley, Everly, Ellery, or Ellison. (Normally I wouldn’t do two posts in a row with similar style, but I got all worked up about the chat boards.) More names to consider:

Finley
Hollis
Linley
Madigan
Peyton
Quincy
Rooney
Teagan

But my vote is for Britton.

Hi Swistle,

I’ll love you forever if you can help me name my newborn baby boy. He’s 5 days old, awfully cute, and nameless. We left the hospital without a name! I didn’t know you could do that. Officially, he’s Baby Boy Papadopoulos until we sort it out.

So, last name is Papadopoulos. My husband is Greek-American, which means we have a naming tradition to deal with. Per tradition, we are supposed to name our first born son and daughter after the father’s parents. My husband and I have differing memories of how much this was actually discussed before we got married & pregnant with our first. (He remembers bringing it up once. I’m disputing that it ever came up at all. At the very least, we had no agreement on the matter.)

We actually have a daughter and, before she was born (as in, right before!) I agreed to use his mom’s name, Eleni. It wasn’t in my top 50 list, but it’s not bad. So I agreed to it, but on the condition that I could name the next child. We’re only having two kids and I want to follow the American tradition called ‘Naming the kids whatever the hell you want and the grandparents will probably hate it but oh well you can’t please everyone.’

Still, I wanted him to at least like the name. When we found out we were having a boy, I threw out a bunch of names to him: Matthew, Miles, Milo, James, Mark, Martin, Theodore, Gregory and many more I can’t even remember now in my postpartum haze. He hemmed and hawed and shot each one down for one reason or another. He just really wants to use his dad’s name Steven.

Steven’s not a bad name. I lucked out as far as Greek daughters-in-law go. Some Greek boy names are totally unworkable. Anyway, I don’t hate Steven. I’m not in love with the phonetics of it (too many e’s) and I don’t like that there are two equally probable spellings (Steven vs. Stephen). I dislike the nickname Steve. And I’d hate to again settle for an OK name just to make the in-laws happy. Especially since we had an agreement in place this time.

On the other hand, it feels wrong to just choose a name myself. He’s hated (or claims to anyway) all of my choices. We can do the father’s name for the middle name, the Christening name. Hell, I’m even fine with the in-laws calling him Steven as a nickname. I just don’t like it enough to agree to it as a first name and not feel defeated and angry.

Please help a sleepless, emotional, postpartum mom of a nameless infant think rationally.

Many thanks

You ARE thinking rationally. It is your husband we need to fix.

1. It was decided that your children will have your husband’s family surname.
2. It was decided that your husband would get to use his naming tradition for your first child.
3. In exchange, it was decided that you would get your way on the next child’s name.

But now your husband really wants to name the child after his own dad, again following his own family’s naming tradition. Here is the problem: he has not fully, deep-down realized that is not going to happen. Instead, he is comparing every name you suggest to the name in his mind, which is his dad’s name. He is making you do all the work of finding a name he likes better—which is NOT the task at hand. The task at hand is for him to agree to one of your top choices, as last time you agreed to his.

Step one: Your husband needs to toss out the name Steven, and FULLY DEEP-DOWN UNDERSTAND that it is tossed out. It’s over. It’s not happening. The way he’s clinging to that name is directly responsible for the way the two of you are unable to name this child. He can’t really consider the other names until he reframes the decision from “Do I like this name better than my idea for the name?” to “Which of the non-Steven names do I like?”

Step two: Of the names that are at the top of your list, your husband needs to choose his favorite. I don’t believe he really does hate all your choices; I believe he is saying he hates them to force you to give in to using his father’s name, whether or not he realizes that’s what he’s doing. Make a list of your top five choices. Ten if you’re feeling generous. He may choose one. That will be the child’s name.

You say it feels wrong to just choose a name yourself, but your husband is not having a similar internal struggle: he did that very thing for your first child’s name, and now he wants to do it again for your second child’s name. You guys had a deal, and now he’s saying actually, no, he would prefer to choose both children’s names himself. Well, of COURSE he would. And so would you. But that is not the way co-parenting works. Certainly he can give final approval to the name, as you gave final approval to his choice, but you let him pick a name that was NOT EVEN IN YOUR TOP FIFTY and now it is his turn. He will honor his part of the deal or I will personally come and shake him until his teeth rattle.

Hello Swistle!! I’m a long time listener, first time caller!! Excited to seek your help, you are really the best.

I am 7 months into my second pregnancy, with boy/girl twins due late July. My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter called Mila Lou. Our last name is hyphenated and sounds like Lakeman-Foley.

Right now our finalists are Romy and Joaquin. We both love Romy, and are 99% sure our girl will definitely be Romy, but have no clue re MNs for her. Joaquin poses a bit more of a problem. We looove the name, but am unsure about having one child with a name that is more overtly Spanish than the others. I am of Spanish origin (Argentina specifically) and speak Spanish, but my wife does not, and we speak English around the house—though I do speak a little bit of Spanish with Mila, and my parents speak to her exclusively in Spanish. I love the Spanish pronunciation of Joaquin, don’t love the very harsh American “woh-keen” sound. I’d also like to call him Joaqui “hwahh-kee”, but fear it would turn into “walkie” in English. My brother and I both have Spanish names that are pretty in Spanish but eh in English… his name is Santiago nn Santi and he grew up being “Sohn-tee”/”Sohn-tee-oh-go” which I find not nice sounding. Same with me—Clara (Clah-ra) became Claire-uh in English.

It feels somewhat important to me to have slightly bilingual names—I would feel strange having a child called Lauren or Andrew or something really American sounding… I think it would feel like I was erasing my heritage. Mila felt like a really good choice for us because the pronunciation is almost exactly the same in English and Spanish. That would be ideal, but is hard to come by.

I digress. Anyway, at present we have a short list of names we both like, but would love to be introduced to new names and expand that list. The names are—Julian, Julius, Simon, Samson, Rowan, Leo for a boy, and Magdalena/Leni, Francesca/Frances for a girl.

We’d like to find first/middle combinations we like that go well with each other and with Mila Lou. I’m really interested in learning about other names that we may like based on those!! Not exactly sure how to categorize our “naming style” but maybe you will know!

Thanks, Swistle!!

Warmly,
Clara

This is the kind of question I just ITCH to answer, but I lack all the important qualifications: I don’t know how names are pronounced in Spanish, or what the common mispronunciations might be, or how those mispronunciations would sound to someone who knew the right way.

However, I do know from past comments sections that we have MANY commenters with experiences in exactly those things, and so I post this for them.

I will vote on a few things before I go:

1. The name Joaquin does stand out to me in that sibling group as being distinctly more Spanish. However, with Mila and Romy I think you may have hit upon a Happy Assortment sibling group: that is, it isn’t that Mila and Romy are the same style and Joaquin is different, it’s that all three are different from each other.

2. I think part of the package deal of the name Joaquin would be the spelling/pronunciation issues. I referred the other day to Joaquin Phoenix (I pronounced it kind of like Hwah-keen) and Paul had no idea who I was talking about until I spelled the first name. When Paul and I were expecting Henry, we considered the name Thijs (pronounced Tice, to rhyme with mice or dice): we’re both of Dutch origin (his grandparents spoke it fluently), and we liked the sound—but we decided we didn’t want the package deal of spelling and pronouncing it all the time, and so we put it on the list of potential middle names. But plenty of other families decide to take on the whole package deal and they make it work.

3. From your list of other candidates, I like both girl options: Magdalena and Francesca are a lot longer/fancier than Mila, but the nicknames make them more compatible (I might go with Frannie or Frankie for Francesca). I also like all the boy options.

4. For the twins, I particularly like the pairing Romy and Leo. Mila, Romy, and Leo seem like a very nice sibling group, and I like how the twins would share the long-O sound. I also like Romy with Julian or Julius.

5. Did you choose the middle name Lou as an honor name, or for sound? Since you don’t mention the former, I will assume the latter. In that case, with Romy I like: Romy Mae, Romy Kay, Romy Fay, Romy Laine, Romy Jane, Romy Joy, Romy Jean. For Leo I like Leo Joaquin best. Mila Lou, Romy Jane, and Leo Joaquin is my top group. I like that the twins’ names have subtle connections: the matching long-O sound of the first names, and then both with the middle initial J.

Update on Baby Boy or Girl -eadows-with-an-M, Sibling to John Walker (J.W.)

Update (and photo) on Baby Girl Davis, Sister to Esther

Dear Swistle,

We have triplet boys and are expecting our fourth (and last), a girl. (Yay!) With the boys, we used family names for their middle names and tried to keep their first names in the same theme but with different first and last initials to give them their own individuality. I love that they are connected with their familial middle names but have distinct first names. The middle names are their two grandfathers’ names and my maiden name. (All the children and I have my husband’s last name as our last name.)

Obviously, we would like to continue this tradition with the girl, but we have two grandmothers to honor and only one child to name this time (which, honestly, thank goodness!). If the situation were reversed, and we had all girl triplets with single middle names and a boy on the way, I would have no qualms about giving him both grandfathers’ names as middle names. With a girl, however, I am less inclined to do this, as girls are more wont to accumulate even more names in life (for instance, my married name is my first name-middle name-maiden name (second middle name now)-last name (husband’s name). Of course, there’s no telling what my daughter will decide to do name-wise if and when she gets married, but I’d rather not run the risk of saddling her with a five name full name or of making her decide which name(s) to axe.

i would also not like to elevate either grandmother’s name into the first name spot. I don’t like the superiority it grants to one grandmother, and I would prefer to have the freedom to choose a name of our liking for the first name. The names in question are Elaine and Nina. I briefly thought of combining the name into one – Elainina – but that both feels like it doesn’t adequately honor either grandmother, and my husband informed me that in his native tongue the word translates roughly to “venison”! (ha!)

My mother has told me that we should choose any names we want, and that she will not be offended if her name doesn’t make it in (she is a very reasonable and unmanipulative woman, so I take her words at face value). My mother-in-law is less reasonable and more prone to histrionics. Sigh. I do not have a bad relationship with her, and would not like to engender one, but I also don’t want to determine part of my child’s name (and leave out my own beloved mother’s name) just on the basis of appeasing her.

So, is there some solution that I haven’t thought of here? What am I missing? Or is this just intractable?

Thank you so, so, so much, Swistle!

Robin

This is one of the troubles with honor names: not being able to honor everyone, and/or not being able to make it work out fairly. When we had our first son, we used the name of one of my grandfathers (the one I was much closer to) as his middle name. We didn’t know if we’d have any more boys so that we could use our other three grandfathers’ names: we just picked the one that was most important to us to use. At the time I don’t remember being much stressed out by it. We emphasized the honor name to the one grandfather who was honored, and didn’t say anything about it to the others, and also I was thinking no one would expect us to give the child all four of our grandfathers’ names at once.

But your case is a little different. If I understand it correctly, you have honored both of the children’s grandfathers, and now the plan is to honor one grandmother, which leaves out one of the children’s four grandparents while honoring all three of the others? Yes. I see what you mean. This is tricky.

I am generally disinclined to think ahead to what a child will do with their name upon marriage. I do give it a little thought, but it’s so impossible to predict how things will go. I gave all five of my kids (the girl as well as the boys) two middle names, with the understanding that any/all of the kids might choose to drop/add some names later on—and that that can be up to them. It’s a decision I feel they can handle, especially if I don’t make a big deal about it. Most people only use first/last in regular life, plus maybe a single middle initial for paperwork; it doesn’t seem to matter how many names are in between. And in your case, when I weigh “leaving out just one of four grandparents” on one hand, against “child might have to make a decision about how to manage names later on as an adult” on the other hand, it’s the one about excluding one grandparent that makes me feel stressy.

So I think that is what I would do here: I would give her both grandmothers’ names as middle names. I would do something like flip a coin to determine name order, and I would make that method known, if you want to avoid a feeling of ranking/superiority. I would leave it up to her what to do about those names later on.

But I also like the idea of combining the names. I like the sound of Ninalaine, if that doesn’t mean anything silly in your husband’s native language—or maybe even if it does: when there’s no solution that gives everything, this seems like a good place to sacrifice.

Or depending on the particular honor-name feelings/opinions of your particular families, you could start playing around with other things. Like both names have an N and an I and an A; would anyone feel honored by Ani? Or perhaps your daughter’s first/middle names could have the initials N.E. or E.N.

Actually, the more I think about this, the more I think THIS is what I’d do: use neither name. If anything needs to be said on the subject, say “With triplets we could use both grandfather names. But with only one girl—we didn’t want to favor one of you over the other. So instead we went with _______.” You don’t by any chance have a name that appears in both family trees, do you? Maybe you both have an aunt or grandmother or great-grandmother or great-aunt with the same name? Or do you have only one sister between you, so you could use her name? Or is there another family surname that could be used?

Another reason I like this Use Neither idea is that you have already honored two grandparents plus used your maiden name; honoring a third grandparent not only leaves out one grandparent, it makes one child’s name different. This doesn’t actually bother me, but it’s another excuse if you need one. We used names of our grandparents for two of the children’s honor names, but then split from that concept and went with other people (a parent, a friend, and a great-uncle) for the others.

But I want to say I also LOVE Nina Elaine. I know you don’t want to elevate one grandmother over the other, but it’s such a pretty name.