B. writes:<\/p>\n
Hi Swistle! I\u2019m not a mommy or mommy to be yet, but I hope to be one day! I have an age old dilemma that I know you\u2019ve addressed many times in your blog \u2013 but I have a little bit of an added layer. I am a first generation Indian. I was born in India, but have lived in the states since I was 2. I absolutely adore my native culture. I embrace it as much as I can, and I hope to instill as much of the Indian culture as I can in my future children.<\/p>\n
My dilemma is with the Indian names, as I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve already guessed otherwise I wouldn\u2019t be writing to you! I have a very hard to pronounce, spell, wrap your brain around even, kind of traditional Indian name. It is pronounced Bar-guh-vee. To this day, I dread any kind of public calling out of my name. I remember as a child I would get close to panic attacks during first day of school roll call, or when we would have substitute teachers. I quickly learned to predict when my name was next on the alphabetical class list, and I would raise my hand before the teacher even got a chance to get a confused look. Even to this day, as a working professional, I never really got over that anxiety and frustration that comes with my name. I hate having to repeat myself 6-7 times before the name clicks with people. I hate introducing myself during business meetings to new clients. I don\u2019t like the awkwardness of having to let mispronunciations of my name slide for the sake of time. As silly as it may sound to you or your readers, it really did have an effect on me growing up regarding self-esteem and confidence.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to bestow the same fate on my children. I want names that they can wear proudly. My parents would absolutely expect Indian names for their grandchildren, I don\u2019t even have to ask. I know there are many beautiful Indian names, but many are hard to pronounce. The ones that are easily crossed over into the American culture such as Annika or Dhruv or Rohan or Priya or Esha are so overdone and just not my style. And I don\u2019t want to pick a name that I don\u2019t love just because it is Indian and easy to pronounce. Even if there were an Indian name that I LOVED but was difficult to pronounce I would go with it, but difficult to pronounce is just not my naming style!<\/p>\n
The names that I love are largely American or Western European. Helene, Isla, and Eliza are scrawled in diary entries from years ago as my favorite names. I am just so torn, because I know a part of me would feel like such a fraud and a fake if I gave my child an American name. We had a cousin of ours who named her son a very American name, and I will be the first to admit, I even raised my eyebrows at it a little. My family was definitely not on board with it, and I\u2019m so worried about their reactions. I know the typical advice is, \u201cit\u2019s YOUR baby, name him\/her whatever YOU want!\u201d But the Indian family dynamics (or at least mine) are a little more complicated than that. You just don\u2019t tell your parents that their opinions don\u2019t matter. And what\u2019s more, their opinions DO matter to me. I would never ever be fully committed or fully ok with something without their blessing. And on top of that, a name can hold so many cultural ties in it. I want my kids to be proud of their Indian heritage. I don\u2019t want our heritage to dissipate over the next few generations.<\/p>\n
Phew! I wrote you an entire book didn\u2019t I?! And I\u2019m not even pregnant yet! I was just curious to see what your or your reader\u2019s opinions on this issue are, or if anyone has gone through this before!<\/p>\n
Thanks and much love!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
<\/p>\n
This reminds me of the issue some parents have written to us about naming traditions. The entire family is assuming there will be a little Jupes Elmor Foster VI, but the expectant parents don’t like any of the names or nicknames. Nor do they want to be the ones to break the tradition, and maybe they like the idea of naming traditions, and also the history\/connections. And they love that side of the family and don’t want to disappoint or upset or anger or hurt them.<\/p>\n
The trouble is that there is no solution that makes everyone happy. They will have to do one or the other: either use a name they wouldn’t otherwise have chosen, or else cause the fuss and disappointment. And that is also the situation you find yourself in: you will have to either use a name you wouldn’t otherwise have chosen, or else cause the fuss and disappointment. Your choice is either to use a name you’d like to use, or else to use a name your parents would like you to use. Going with what your parents want is a completely legitimate choice, just as it is when parents choose to continue the naming tradition set by their ancestors.<\/p>\n
You’ve presented the issues very clearly, and I don’t see a solution that will make everyone happy. You want to give your children names they can wear proudly—but first you define this as a name that is not difficult\/Indian like yours, and then you define it as a name that connects to your heritage. And so when the time comes to name a baby, you’ll have to look at all the issues and weigh them: which ones weigh more? which ones weigh less? If there is no getting around the Indian family dynamic, then you’ll move to the next hard decision: you’ll have to choose between an easy-crossover Indian name you find boring, or a difficult-to-pronounce Indian name that is also not your style. (Given the choice between “boring and not your style” and “hard to pronounce and not your style,” I think I’d go with boring.)<\/p>\n
Are your parents aware that there will likely be a second person involved in naming your children? I will believe you if you tell me they will absolutely expect you to give your children Indian names no matter what, but it seems like by moving you to another country they must have realized that this could end in you marrying someone not from India, and choosing names from the country where you grew up instead of from the country where you were born. It also seems as if they must have considered that the other parent might have pressures from their own family\/country, and may want the baby to be proud of that heritage as well, and that this will mean a compromise will need to take place. If this has genuinely not occurred to them, perhaps this time before a baby is on the way would be a nice low-pressure time to bring it up.<\/p>\n
If I were you, I think I would also be spending this time looking for a loophole. I don’t know anything about Indian names in general or about what your family would consider acceptable, but I’m thinking along these lines:<\/p>\n
1. An Indian name with a nickname that sounds United States-y. For example, your nicknames could be Bee\/Bea, or Barb, or Vee. (You could in fact use that method yourself right now for meetings, saying, “Hi! Nice to meet you! Call me Bea!”)<\/p>\n
2. An Indian name with the American or Western European middle name you would have used as the first name if there were no family pressures. The child could go by the middle name at school if he\/she wanted to. Our school system even has a place on the paperwork for “Name child would like to be called,” which I’m guessing puts the name of choice directly on the first-day-of-school roll-call sheet. (Or the child could use the Indian name, but you could contact the teacher before the school year began and give them a little pronunciation key.)<\/p>\n
3. Your choice of American or Western European first name, with an Indian middle name and the understanding that your side of the family will call the child by the Indian name.<\/p>\n
4. An Indian name with a more United States-ish spelling, to make it easier to pronounce—the way we change the Irish spelling Catriona to Katrina, or Meadhbh to Maeve.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I think it would also help to separate some issues out a bit. For example, your children can be proud of their Indian heritage and have ties to it, even if they don’t have Indian names. They can find their ties to that heritage becoming diluted even if they do have Indian names. They can be proud of or embarrassed by their names whether those names are Indian or Western European. And “choosing a name you LOVE” is a very United States concept that might be incompatible with the heritage you’re trying to preserve and the family your children will be born into.<\/p>\n
Assuming the children’s other parent is okay with it and has no additional heritage issues to incorporate into the name, I’d suggest Indian first names with United States-ish nicknames, and names you love as middle names. I’d spin it as a combination of the two countries you love: “Where we’re from, and where we are now.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
B. writes: Hi Swistle! I\u2019m not a mommy or mommy to be yet, but I hope to be one day! I have an age old dilemma that I know you\u2019ve addressed many times in your blog \u2013 but I have a little bit of an added layer. I am a first generation Indian. I was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8390","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3iyiG-2bk","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8390","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8390"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8390\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8396,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8390\/revisions\/8396"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8390"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8390"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8390"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}