Erin writes:<\/p>\n
I’m due December 3 with our first baby (and the first grandbaby on either side). We just found out it’s a girl and are super excited. Unfortunately, the mister told his parents what our front runners for girl names were and his parents, well, they registered an opinion. A negative one. My response was (as it normally is), “screw them and the horse they rode in on,” but my husband is a little more worried about offending his parents.<\/p>\n
Our last name sounds like Foreman and we’re settled on the middle name Rose. Our two front-runners for girl’s names were Evelyn and Sophia. Evelyn was my favorite, with the nickname of Evie, and Sophia was the mister’s.<\/p>\n
My husband has vetoed Ava and Eva. We’ve nixed Christine, Katherine, Caitlyn, Annabelle, and all their variations for family reasons. Emma is out as my best friend just took that name for her girl. We both like Elizabeth, but fear it’s too common. I think the first name should be at least two syllables and I love very feminine sounding names. We both like old-fashioned\/traditional names. Help?<\/p>\n
If it’s of any interest, my first choice for a boy was Bennett James and my husband’s first choice for a boy was Wyatt James.<\/p>\n
Thank you for any assistance you can offer!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I am right on the line when it comes to the importance of family approval of a name. On one hand: they had their turn to name babies, and this is your turn; it’s your choice and you should choose the name you love; they will likely come around to it and then not be able to believe they ever objected.<\/p>\n
And on the other hand, it’s nice to have the people you’re close to love the baby’s name, and it’s nice for them to like the name of someone they’re going to be close to. It also seems reasonable for people who love each other (either actually or theoretically) to keep strong dislikes in mind: to avoid names of exes and family black sheep, to give a little warning if they’re going to use a name known to be disliked.<\/p>\n
In this case, though…they hate Evelyn and Sophia? Did they…give a reason? Because there is nothing immediately obvious to me about those names that would cause the in-laws to have veto power. Unless there’s more to this story (such as that Evelyn is the name of your father-in-law’s first wife, or something of that sort), I can’t see any reason that using either of those names would OFFEND your in-laws. I understand your husband’s feelings, but in this case I am more inclined to side with the “and the horse they rode in on” point of view. It might help your husband if he considers what it is he wants to do here. Does he want to present his parents with all the names the two of you are considering for your child, until they choose the one they like best?<\/p>\n
I am going to assume that the reason your in-laws don’t like those names is that Evelyn and Sophia are names being used for this current generation of babies. It could be that I’m way off in this assumption, but in that case this paragraph will still apply to other situations where this is the problem—because it is such a CLASSIC problem. The current generation of new grandparents CLASSICALLY thinks that the current generation of new parents likes “weird” or “old” or “made-up” names. My grandparents had never HEARD of the weird name Kristen before. My parents wince a little (though they do it politely\/understandingly: they are familiar with the way this baby-naming thing goes) at names like Henry and Oliver. We will likely be the same way about the names our children want to name our grandchildren (“Shirley for a girl or Howard for a boy? That’s…interesting!”). It is the cycle of baby-naming: each group of names seems totally normal\/fresh to the generation using them, and quite weird\/dated to previous generations.<\/p>\n
IF this is what’s going on in your situation, I am solidly on the side of ignoring their input. If the two frontrunners have already been ruined, I understand; in that case, I suggest choosing new names, but seeing if your husband will agree not to ruin the new ones as well by telling them to his parents before the baby is born and named.<\/p>\n