{"id":15836,"date":"2022-04-09T14:50:55","date_gmt":"2022-04-09T18:50:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/?p=15836"},"modified":"2022-04-09T14:50:55","modified_gmt":"2022-04-09T18:50:55","slug":"non-baby-naming-issue-choosing-a-new-surname-as-an-adult","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/2022\/04\/09\/non-baby-naming-issue-choosing-a-new-surname-as-an-adult\/","title":{"rendered":"Non-Baby Naming Issue: Choosing a New Surname as an Adult"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi Swistle!<\/p>\n

I wrote to you many years ago about choosing a baby name and now I need some help for myself! No need to alter details unless you think it is necessary.<\/p>\n

My divorce will be final later this summer and I am struggling. I married in my very early 20s and changed my name, and that marriage only lasted a year and a half. Prior to my second marriage I insisted I would never change my name but in the end my spouse made some very compelling arguments as to why it was more important to him that I change my name then it was to me that I keep it.<\/p>\n

For context, I am estranged from my mother, who is my only living parent. My father died when I was in my mid-20s. For further context, my ex came out as transgender and is pursuing transition. We are on extremely good terms and have three children together.<\/p>\n

I already know that I do not want to keep my married name. But I don\u2019t want to go back to my maiden name. I likewise feel ambivalent about choosing a random new last name. I wouldn\u2019t say that I am opposed to it but it doesn\u2019t resonate with me fully. I am fairly certain that in the future were I to get married again I would not want to change my name, though I certainly would be happy to go by my spouses last name in social situations. I am done having children so that is no longer a consideration for future marriages.<\/p>\n

Like most good 70s babies my middle name is Lynn. For various reasons, I actually changed my Facebook name to be Michelle Lynn years ago. As a joke I commented to my boyfriend that perhaps I would just change my name officially to Michelle Lynn and that actually resonated with me. I\u2019ve been Michelle Lynn my whole life, despite any last name changes, and I like the way it flows.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s where I am looking for some input. Is it weird to have no middle name? Should I add a middle name? It feels so wide-open that I\u2019m not even sure where to start. And, what do you think about the last name? Is it worth picking a new last name that I will hopefully grow into or should I stick with my current plan of dropping the last name and making my middle name my last name?<\/p>\n

Thank you for your help if this makes it to the blog! I\u2019d also love to hear from other readers what they may have done or heard about in their travels.<\/p>\n

Michelle<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

Oh, this is so interesting\/fun to think about.<\/p>\n

Upsides of Michelle Lynn: (1) Both names are your birth names, so there is the “returning to maiden name”\/”not carrying any spouse’s name” kind of vibe, while also neatly avoiding your birth surname, which you’re not keen to return to. (2) Lynn is also an established surname. (3) This solution resonates with you.<\/p>\n

Downside of Michelle Lynn: I’m familiar with the idea of women using their first\/middle as their online\/stage pseudonym, and so to me it has a pseudonym feeling. (But again: Lynn IS a real surname, so I think we could disregard that Feeling.)<\/p>\n

The “add a middle name or no?” issue is fun because it is so low-stakes: I think you can do exactly as you’d prefer, with no large consequence either way. It’s a little odd\/unusual in the U.S. not to have a middle name, but I know at least one person without one, and she hasn’t felt it as a huge lack in her life. For me, the issue would be that it could invite occasional comment, and THAT would lead to a discussion I wouldn’t want to have (“Oh, that’s odd—why didn’t your parents give you one?” “Well, they DID, but…”).<\/p>\n

Plus, I’d think it could be QUITE FUN to CHOOSE one! You could choose a name that honors someone (first name or surname of a family member, an artist, an author, a politician, a poet, a scientist, etc.), or you could choose a name with a connection to your kids, or you could choose a surname further back in your family tree, or you could choose a name you WISHED was yours when you were a child (in elementary school I wanted so badly to have been named Stephanie), or or or! So many fun options! But if it seems overwhelming rather than fun, I also think you could skip it entirely.<\/p>\n

If you decide you’d rather keep Lynn as your middle and choose a different surname, I think I would start by investigating Positive Family Connections. You are estranged from your mother; are there other relatives you are close to? I’m thinking along the lines of using a beloved grandmother’s maiden name, that kind of thing: any surname that could just as legitimately have been yours, if previous generations had made different decisions about which spouse’s surname to use.<\/p>\n

I’ll be very interested to hear what other people think they’d do in this situation, and\/or examples we’ve encountered in the field.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi Swistle! I wrote to you many years ago about choosing a baby name and now I need some help for myself! No need to alter details unless you think it is necessary. My divorce will be final later this summer and I am struggling. I married in my very early 20s and changed my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3iyiG-47q","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15836"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15836\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15837,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15836\/revisions\/15837"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}