{"id":13132,"date":"2017-12-15T13:52:42","date_gmt":"2017-12-15T17:52:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/?p=13132"},"modified":"2017-12-15T14:36:27","modified_gmt":"2017-12-15T18:36:27","slug":"baby-naming-issue-did-you-feel-pressure-to-use-certain-names-and-or-satisfaction-in-not-using-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/2017\/12\/15\/baby-naming-issue-did-you-feel-pressure-to-use-certain-names-and-or-satisfaction-in-not-using-them\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby Naming Issue: Did You Feel Pressure To Use Certain Names, and\/or Satisfaction in Not Using Them?"},"content":{"rendered":"

On a recent post<\/a>, Emily commented, in part:<\/p>\n

I still kind of regret not using [my maiden name] with at least one of my kids\u2026I am very proud of my family and my name, and it is a nice way to stay connected to that.<\/p>\n

(Plus my MIL likes to acts surprised and disappointed that we didn\u2019t give any of our boys my husband\u2019s first name as a middle…I would have liked to not only *not* give my husbands name, but use my maiden name instead.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

I identify with this sentiment so strongly. So, so strongly, Emily. My mother-in-law kept hinting things like “You know what’s a great middle name? Paul!,” even though SHE HERSELF deliberately refused to use ANY family names for her own kids. In fact, she and Paul’s dad defiantly broke a generations-long naming tradition of alternating father\/son names, causing a family rift that makes me angry every time I think of it (Paul’s grandfather didn’t acknowledge Paul’s birth for years). Why would Paul’s grandfather think he gets to name not only his own children but also his grandson? And why did he think it so strongly that he would be willing to take such an amazing stance? Well. Screw the patriarchy, basically, since they don’t seem to be able to handle it.<\/p>\n

Where was I? Oh yes! Emily’s comment, which reminded me of my mother-in-law’s hints about using her son’s name. If Paul had said to me, bashfully, “Hey…I wonder if we could consider using my name as the middle name?,” I don’t know exactly what I would have thought about that, or what I would have negotiated for in return, but I absolutely would have been willing to consider it—just as I’d want him to consider using my name for Elizabeth’s middle name if I’d wanted that (I didn’t). And if it had been very important to him, I almost certainly would have figured out a way to make it work. But because Paul didn’t want that and his mother KEPT HINTING…well, let’s just repeat that I identify very strongly with Emily’s comment. Whatever it says about my temperament, I took some satisfaction in NOT using Paul’s name as the middle name, and then additional satisfaction in using more honor names from my side of the family than from Paul’s, and I feel that satisfaction TO THIS DAY. If anything, I only wish we’d gone further: EVEN MORE names from my side; a hyphenated surname; maybe a double surname.<\/p>\n

Here is what I am in the mood to talk about, and it seems like a nice Friday-afternoon topic:<\/p>\n

1. Were there any naming ideas\/traditions that your parents or in-laws or other relatives wanted you to follow, when THEY THEMSELVES had not followed those ideas\/traditions?<\/p>\n

2. Do you, too, identify strongly with the satisfaction Emily and I took in NOT following someone else’s ideas for baby names?<\/p>\n

These two things can be separate questions or linked, depending on your circumstances, and can be expanded to include situations where you did succumb to the pressure but resent it (even if you now love the name), or where you were pressured by people who HAD followed the ideas\/traditions themselves, or where you are currently being pressured or worry you’ll be pressured in the future. I won’t speak for the crowd, but for myself and my current mood I’d say this would be the wrong post to talk about how you in fact felt honored to use your husband’s name or family naming tradition or whatever. Those are GREAT stories for another post, but today is more about defiant satisfaction and\/or resentment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On a recent post, Emily commented, in part: I still kind of regret not using [my maiden name] with at least one of my kids\u2026I am very proud of my family and my name, and it is a nice way to stay connected to that. (Plus my MIL likes to acts surprised and disappointed that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3iyiG-3pO","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13132"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13132\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13139,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13132\/revisions\/13139"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}