{"id":11851,"date":"2016-02-01T11:58:28","date_gmt":"2016-02-01T15:58:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/?p=11851"},"modified":"2017-02-22T22:14:06","modified_gmt":"2017-02-23T02:14:06","slug":"baby-naming-issue-used-the-moms-first-choice-for-the-first-daughter-now-the-dad-wants-to-use-his-first-choice-for-the-second-daughter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/2016\/02\/01\/baby-naming-issue-used-the-moms-first-choice-for-the-first-daughter-now-the-dad-wants-to-use-his-first-choice-for-the-second-daughter\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby Naming Issue: Used the Mom’s First Choice for the First Daughter; Now the Dad Wants to Use His First Choice for the Second Daughter"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Swistle,<\/p>\n

I am four months pregnant with our second girl (did the early blood test) and desperately want some input on our naming situation. My husband and I have been married for almost six years now and have been constantly playing the “What would we name our future children?” game. We have a long list of boys names we love and we generally like and dislike the same boy names. HOWEVER. In six years of playing this game, we came up with exactly one girls’ name and we’ve already given it to our first daughter: Lydia Belle. The name Lydia has been my favorite since I read it in a book when I was nine. When I told my husband what it was, I *may* have prefaced it by saying, “If you hate this name, part of me might die.” He said ok, suggested the middle name, and there was never any question about our daughter’s name after that. Around the same time we discussed my favorite name my husband said his favorite girls name was Jennica and I was…not enthusiastic. I love classic girls names like Charlotte, Emma, Isabelle, etc, and to me Jennica is a solid 90’s name. I told him that I didn’t hate it (I really have nothing against this name, I’m fine with the way it sounds and all, it’s just not my style) but it definitely wasn’t in my top ten. I also said I’d be more amenable if we spelled it Jenica (more traditional spelling that was used in places like Russia before the 90s).<\/p>\n

Well after we found out we’re having another girl, my husband starting referring to her as Jenica. When I protested, he said, “But we used your favorite name, why can’t we use mine? You said you were ok with Jenica. Lydia wasn’t in my top ten, but you really liked it, so I said yes.” The problem is, he has a point. And there aren’t any other names I’m REALLY liking right now. I have a few I like, but none of them are grabbing me, so part of me agrees with him. I’m ok with the name, and I don’t have one I love, so why not let him use his favorite name? The other part of me, though, doesn’t want to use a name I’m not in love with. I’ve been poring over name lists and discussing names with my husband, but today he admitted he is having a hard time giving any other name a fair shot because of how much he loves Jenica. He’s told me I could give her whatever middle name I want, but he’s really feeling that Jenica is the perfect name for this girl. I felt exactly the same way about Lydia, so I understand where he’s coming from. What would you do? Any great suggestions of names similar to Jenica that I could get him to love? Or should I start learning to love it for his sake? Does it sound too 90s to anyone but me?<\/p>\n

Oh, and a few notes: I dislike the nicknames Jen and Jenny. Also, our last name is Van Leeuwen (pronounced van loo-en), so neither of us wants to use a name that is hard to pronounce or spell. The only name we both kind of like is Anaelle (pronounced on-eye-yell), but we’ve already agreed that if we used it, it would have to stay in middle name territory (for above reason).<\/p>\n

Any advice would be great! Thanks!<\/p>\n

Megan<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

It WOULD be nice if your husband could have his first choice this time, since you got your first choice last time. But it’s difficult to compare how much he liked the name Lydia to how much you like the name Jenica; it could be that it’s not at all a fair swap. And the quickness\/easiness with which he agreed to Lydia, compared to the difficulty you’re having with the name Jenica even though you really, really want him to give him his choice this time, tells me it is indeed not a similar sacrifice.<\/p>\n

I am influenced as well by agreeing with you that the name Jenica sounds a little dated: it makes me think of Jessica and Jennifer and Erica and Jenna and Nicole, while Lydia is a current vintage-revival choice.<\/p>\n

Well. As I was trying to figure out what to advise, it occurred to me that Jenica also reminds me of Annika, which is a much more current choice, and is similar to the name Anaelle you both like. I like Lydia and Annika together in a way I don’t feel about Lydia and Jenica, and the nickname Annie has a sweet classic sound. Liddy and Annie! I have a strong feeling about this, like I want to grab a fistful of your shirt-front in one hand and your husband’s shirt-front in my other hand and say “ANNIKA” very intensely until you both nod.<\/p>\n

It is great when baby-naming can work out perfectly fairly, but it rarely does: one parent cares a lot more about names, or one parent has better family names or a better family, or one parent’s surname is used for all the children, or WHATEVER. I do feel it’s important for you both to feel happy about the names, and I hope your husband WAS and IS happy about the name Lydia—but whether or not he was\/is, I think the fairest of all is for you both to be happy with this next child’s name. You are being so understanding and well-intentioned about this, and it makes me even more hope that this all works out beautifully for both of you.<\/p>\n

For now I suggest giving everything a little time. I suggest that he pretend there is some reason Jenica is off the table (for example, he could pretend that your first daughter had been named Jenica), and see if he can find more names he likes WITHOUT trying to compare them to the name Jenica. And in the meantime, the name may grow on you—or perhaps you or he will come up with another option you both love. I don’t think it would be a good idea to commit to it when you’re uncertain AND there’s still lots of time left.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Name update:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hi Swistle!<\/p>\n

I wrote in over a year ago about my baby naming dilemma and I’m finally back for an update! First, my brief explanation of why it took me so long to get back to you. My husband is in medical school and had applied to transfer schools. My daughter was born on July 4th and on July 5th my husband was notified that he had been accepted at his new school and needed to be there by the 14th. We packed up everything and were on our way by July 12th with a 20 month old and an 8 day old! It’s funny to look back on now, but it was definitely super stressful. All the excitement and stress of moving made me completely forget about coming back to update you, so I apologize that it has taken so long!<\/p>\n

I read your advice and all the comments and was surprised by the number of people who thought Jenica fit with Lydia. I showed it to my husband as well and he was a little annoyed that I made it sound like he just AGREED to the name Lydia and insisted that he really liked the name, too, he just didn’t go on about it since I was already sold. I pointed out that there was no way I could have known that since he didn’t tell me in the first place! Men. We sat down and made a deal about the name: For two weeks, I would call the baby Jenica whenever I thought about her or talked about her. In exchange, he would spend those two weeks calling her his second favorite name (which happened to be Mira). After about a week of this, he suggested using the middle name Rose and at that point I knew he was going to get his favorite name because part of me loved the sound of Jenica Rose. At the end of the two weeks I couldn’t imagine calling her anything other than Jenica. Even my old favorite names didn’t seem to fit her anymore. I still wasn’t head over heels in love with the name, but I knew it was her name. My husband was a little shy of committing to the name, though, because he was worried that my dislike\/apathy for the name would make me resent it. So in a weird twist of fate, I had to convince HIM that we should name her Jenica. She’s now eight months old and we definitely picked the right name for her! The more I hear it the less dated it sounds to me and I’ve had many people tell me they love her name and\/or the spelling. Oh, and since I dislike the nickname Jenny, we call her Jena for short!<\/p>\n

I’ve attached two pictures, one of Miss Jenica Rose at six months old and another of her with her sister Lydia Belle (age 2) when she was seven months. Thank you again for your advice!<\/p>\n

\"\" \"\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Swistle, I am four months pregnant with our second girl (did the early blood test) and desperately want some input on our naming situation. My husband and I have been married for almost six years now and have been constantly playing the “What would we name our future children?” game. We have a long […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11851","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-name-update"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3iyiG-359","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11851","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11851"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11851\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12572,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11851\/revisions\/12572"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11851"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11851"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11851"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}