{"id":10377,"date":"2014-08-13T06:54:04","date_gmt":"2014-08-13T10:54:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/?p=10377"},"modified":"2014-10-28T19:14:28","modified_gmt":"2014-10-28T23:14:28","slug":"baby-girl-davis-esther","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/2014\/08\/13\/baby-girl-davis-esther\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby Girl Davis: Esther?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Swistle,<\/p>\n

Our name preferences have been ALL over the place since we started looking. We have gone from wanting a very floral\/pretty name, to a very masculine name, to a VERY unique name, and now we’re back to family names. The problem is, we don’t really like any family names, and most names we say we like we really mean we don’t hate them. Its becoming stressful as the pregnancy draws to a close. I feel that we will have discharge delayed due to lack of name OR we will just name her “Baby”.<\/p>\n

Here is where we are at. I really want to love the name Esther. It was my grandmother’s name and she was an amazing woman who lived a very hard yet joyous life and I really want to honor her. However when I say the name outloud it just sounds harsh. Also I struggle with a NN, Would Essie work? Es? Este?<\/p>\n

If we do go with Esther I feel like we would need a really feminine middle name. I also wanted to use the RaeAnn for a middle since it is the mother’s name and the middle name of the godmother.<\/p>\n

Esther RaeAnn. Is that pretty?<\/p>\n

Other family names we have are pretty boring. Husband’s side has a lot of Betty’s\/Elizabeth’s. I had a greatgrandmother who went by the name Birdie, but I feel that is only NN worthy. Her real name was Leopoldina. Yikes!<\/p>\n

Non family names we don’t hate are:<\/p>\n

Faye
\nRose
\nClara
\nAda
\nAlice
\nAdrian<\/p>\n

I’m worried that they are all becoming very popular this year.<\/p>\n

Any guidance you can give us we appreciate!<\/p>\n

—
\nMary Davis<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

As the first step, I’d recommend looking into what the time limit is for choosing a baby’s name. I do doubt an insurance company would consider “no name yet” a reason to authorize a delayed departure, but the rules will affect how much hassle you’ll have to deal with once you get home. It appears to vary by state: I did a quick and casual online search and found, for example, that in one state the birth certificate must be filed within 5 days of the birth; if the parents have not chosen a name by then, the certificate is filed as “Baby Girl\/Boy Surname” and there is a fee to change the name when the parents do choose one. Another state didn’t mention a time limit for filing, but did mention that making changes to the baby’s name during the first year was a whole different kettle of fish than making changes after that. Several states emphasized how much easier it is to let the hospital file the paperwork, but they could mean it’s easier for THEM.<\/p>\n

If your state has nice lenient rules, it would be nice to be prepared with something light and cheerful and competent to tell any disapproving hospital staff who tried to apply pressure; something like, “Oh, it’s all right: we called City Hall beforehand and they said we have three weeks to file the paperwork.” Or, depending on your state’s rules, nice to know that you DON’T have three weeks, and that if you don’t choose something before you leave you’ll need to do a bunch of tiresome paperwork while postpartum and exhausted.<\/p>\n

On to the names. For a first baby, I DO think it’s a good idea to discuss broad style preferences. We get many letters here from parents who inadvertently chose something outside their usual style for their first child’s name, and then felt stuck: if you name your first daughter Andrew, but the other girl names on your list are Emma and Isabella, and the only name you like for a boy is Andrew—well, it’s a tricky situation and nice to avoid it to the extent possible.<\/p>\n

In your case, however, it sounds like trying to choose the style first is what’s tripping you up. Right now, for example, you’ve decided on family names—but you don’t like any family names. Look again at this excerpt from your letter: “Now we’re back to family names. The problem is, we don’t really like any family names.” Yes, I think you have put your finger on it.<\/p>\n

I love the name Esther, and I think it fits beautifully with many of the other current vintage revival names, and I love the idea of you using it in honor of a family member you greatly love and admire—but not if it throws you into the conflicted position of trying to force yourself to like a name you don’t like. When a couple wants to use family names but doesn’t like any of the available names, I think one of the best solutions is to use family names as middle names. Certainly I’d recommend not setting up a policy of using family names for both first and middle, when it’s already this difficult to find family names for the first baby.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if you seriously can’t find ANY names you love from ANY category, then I think using a family name can be a very satisfying solution: even if you never grew to love the name itself, I think it’s likely you would find significant happiness in having used it. And I do think there are very good odds on growing to love the name and later wondering how you could ever have disliked it. These things can happen when a name is attached to a baby we love.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, I disagree with the current cultural feeling that parents must choose a name they LOVE: I think sometimes parents have to choose a name they’re fine with, and that that works out just great too.<\/p>\n

I wouldn’t worry at this point about a nickname, unless a good nickname is one of your dealbreaking requirements. Esther is only two syllables, and so maybe you will use something like Essie, or maybe something else will evolve naturally, or maybe you will find you always call her Esther.<\/p>\n

If you use Esther for the first name, would it help to choose a non-family middle name, so you can get the exact balancing sound you’re looking for? It really does sound to me as if you’re backing yourselves needlessly into a corner here, and that you might find significant relief just by lifting the family-name requirement. Perhaps there’s a pretty name you like very much but it seemed too common to be the first name.<\/p>\n

You don’t mention any non-family names you like; is that because you’ve run into this same issue with every category, and there are no names at all that you really like? If you haven’t already tried this, I would suggest having each of you leaf through a baby name book and make a list of names you like without trying to first choose the category (feminine, masculine, unique, family). Pretend that names don’t belong to style categories, and that they’re all equally common; which ones are you drawn to? It may emerge that all the names you love are in a category you were trying to avoid: popular names, for example, or names you think other people will think are boring, or names you think other people will think are weird. This can be a stressful adjustment, but one I think is worth making.<\/p>\n

Or maybe you will find you really don’t have strong positive feelings about ANY names. In that case, I love your idea of using the name of a PERSON you have strong positive feelings for, and I think your chances of being happy with such a name in the long haul are much greater than if you chose a name you liked equally but had no strong positive association with.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Name update!<\/strong><\/p>\n

You helped me so much with this question I posted!!<\/p>\n

I would like to thank everyone who also helped by commenting.\u00a0 We settled on Esther Elizabeth (after our grandmas) and we LOVE the name.\u00a0 Everyone loves the name, so many people have an Esther in their life that they love.\u00a0 We have had a lot of positive feedback and I can’t think of any other name that would suit.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_2372\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Swistle, Our name preferences have been ALL over the place since we started looking. We have gone from wanting a very floral\/pretty name, to a very masculine name, to a VERY unique name, and now we’re back to family names. The problem is, we don’t really like any family names, and most names we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10377","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-name-update"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3iyiG-2Hn","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10377","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10377"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10377\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10590,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10377\/revisions\/10590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10377"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10377"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swistle.com\/babynames\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10377"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}