I have perhaps ten times thought of something I want to say, then forgotten what it was, then remembered it when I was elsewhere, then forgotten it again. It wasn’t even very interesting, it was just a good thing to open the conversation with, and now it’s gone again.
*looks around for inspiration* My New Yorker cartoon day-by-day calendar has been less awesome than I expected. The cartoons seem like the ones from the last page of the magazine, where readers submit the captions.
Hm. Pretty mediocre topic.
Let’s see. I could complain for awhile about the new health insurance we have through Paul’s employer, which has allegedly been in effect for nearly a month and WE STILL DO NOT HAVE CARDS OR ANY WAY TO ACCESS COVERAGE. And Edward has an appointment in the next week for his many-thousands-of-dollars-per-dose Remicade infusion, a medication which, understandably, requires an intense level of pre-authorization, for which a person needs to know INFORMATION ABOUT THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE. But I called the Remicade nurse yesterday and she was so relaxed about the whole thing, and she thinks she can get the pre-authorization done with only the information I had so far, and she was similarly relaxed about the possibility of needing to reschedule the appointment, and she has infused me with a fresh calm. What must it be like to go through the world feeling calm about things? I now have a taste of it.
Really, I am wracking my brain for topics. I feel so chatty, but we are down to barrel-scrapings here, apparently. I am so excited to show you pictures of my pottery from the second set of classes!—but I do not yet have it back from the final kilning. I want to do a sort of year-end summary of Rob’s first year of college!—but he is still at college, doing that year. I could give an update on my tooth replacement, but the only thing that’s happened is that I’ve been back to the oral surgeon and I’m cleared to have the fake tooth installed, but that’s not going to be for like another month. Ooo, how about another story about my new friend Morgan?—no, two stories is enough for now, and also one day if she and I remain friends I will tell her about this blog and she will read it, and it would be embarrassing to have her see my severe case of mentionitis. Paul is at the point where I say “Oh! Another thing about Morgan:” and he closes his eyes very briefly and inhales lightly through his nose.
Well, would you like a turn to talk? I can certainly sit and sip coffee and listen for a change. Gripes? Vents? Stories? Fun things going on? New things coming up? Stuff you’re looking forward to or dreading? Learn something new lately? Looking for advice on an upcoming purchase? Just kind of feel like talking about something?
I’m pretty excited TO HAVE MY FIRST BABY!
I was up last night feeling queasy and reading posts from your archives about having morning (all day?) sickness with Henry. It was nice to remember that you felt that way ten years ago and probably never feel that way now. I look forward to contacting you in a third-trimester panic about baby names.
Oh, happy thing! It’s true, it’s true: the queasiness felt as if it would NEVER END, and yet it DID end!
Definitely consult about baby names – we did and that person is somehow seven now. <3
THAT CANNOT BE. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
I will share! Short version: our family has been dealing with a slow-moving crisis for about six months now involving my husband and his mental health. I’ve been trying out various self-care ideas to help with the stress, and finally landed on a hobby that I am loving: cross-stitch.
I know, I’m channeling my mother and her mother and her mother… But it is seriously so GOOD. I must focus, count, re-count, count one more time, then stitch stitch stitch. A focused session of counting and stitching results in a teeny bit of the design appearing. Rewarding!
I’ve completed one small design, working on another, and would love similarly-inclined readers to share some suggestions for sources of non-country-kitchen designs.
Oh, I used to cross-stitch and I remember really liking it! Elizabeth had a cross-stitching kick, and my sister-in-law found her some cute interesting kits on Etsy.
We have been cross-stitching too! I find Etsy a great source of patterns and inspiration, but my daughters have also used perler bead patterns for cross-stitching. We’ve found lots and lots on Pinterest.
Not sure if you have a hobby lobby where you are, but they are having a huge clearance on Cross-stitch items. It’s been going on a while but I was at one yesterday and there were still tons of kits available. 75% off, so really good prices.
There are few things as happy as Good Clearances.
Oh, yes, definitely Pinterest! I was kinda disappointed with the selection at the craft store I went to recently looking for quick-to-finish projects, but Pinterest had tons of free, printable patterns of tiny, amusing things (for me, it was interesting letters/typefaces, kawaii foods, and 80s/90s cultural references I wouldn’t have considered stitching otherwise). Also, Etsy!
There is also a recent development of decidedly adult cross-stitch…as in snarky sayings, not handmade p0rn LOL. It might be JUST the thing to capture all the feelings!!!
Yes! Check out Subversive Cross Stitch (just Google it, it should get you there). Lots of funny things!
I don’t know if they do cross-stitch or just hand-embroidery patterns, but you should TOTALLY check out Urban Threads (www.urbanthreads.com). They just have the coolest designs ever. I use them a lot for my machine embroidery.
Will do, thanks!
Also, I feel for you with your husband’s mental health issues—my husband was diagnosed with MDD last year, but we’ve been dealing with it for the last two or three years, and it is really difficult to be the support staff (I don’t want to use the term “caretaker” but a lot of days it kinda feels like it) when someone in the family is having that kind of rough time.
Good luck. Take care of you!
Thank you, Peyton. The cultural stigma of mental illness makes it a real challenge to talk about; I felt this group was a safe place, and I was right. I’m working on being more open about it, one of the NAMI support group tenets is “I reject the stigma associated with mental illness.”
I am so glad you mentioned NAMI. I am also a ‘carer’ of a husband and now a teen with a mental illness, and their classes were so helpful to me in the beginning. We are in a bit of a crisis now with my teen and I have put myself into ‘radical self-care’ mode, which usually means a bubble bath, glass of wine, and, for some reason, hawaiian music. Every single night.
I’ll have to look into NAMI—I’ve mostly dealt with it by venting with a couple of friends.
I’m so glad you are connected with NAMI. It sounds like you are doing a great job looking for ways to care for yourself. And that’s so critical. Virtual hug to you.
In case anyone is interested, here’s the link to find a local NAMI support group:
https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI
IThank you all for your kind, supportive words!
I don’t even cross stitch, but I love these patterns. I bought a kit for a friend and it came promptly with a lovey note. https://aliciapaulson.com/collections/embroidery-patterns
Ooo, thank you for the link! I’ve been looking for an updated sampler-style design.
If you ever want to make a historical reproduction sampler, check out The Scarlet Letter.
Aaah! So many options! And apart from the pleasing designs, I love the historical connection. I am clearly the target market for these products, thank you!
I have recommended to my husband more than once that he get a referral from his doctor to someone professional who can give him some coping mechanisms for stress. He just completely loses all perspective and freaks the heck out when something I think is relatively small in the grand scheme of things happens. OMG! A blueberry smoothie spilled on the floor of a friend’s kitchen in his new house! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!!! My wife must let herself be late for work so she can try to help me clean the grout before it stains!
The man has a family history of cardiovascular issues, and I seriously worry this sort of thing will shorten his life.
My coping has involved warning the kids to lie low, then hiding in my home office and working on one of several side-hustles. Anyone got any simple t-shirts they’d love to be able to buy but can’t find? Let me know! If they don’t involve any copyrighted, trademarked, or profane material, I can design ’em and put ’em up on Amazon! Words/phrases are super-fast and easy, and I have loads of fonts I can choose from.
I have a t-shirt I would LOVE to buy! It’s only a word, not profane or copyrighted.
Hit me up if you want – I’ll link my contact webpage to my name in this reply!
Thanks! I sent an email to your gmail :)
The thing that’s on my mind is not nearly as happy as new babies or cross-stitching, but those two comments above are giving me nice things to think about instead. <3
And do feel free to say your non-happy thing. We like a MIX in our chatting.
Yes! Mine was basically half-complaining anyway. :)
Jen LC, where did you and your complaint go? COME BAAACK!
I hate that people feel obliged to be all Glass Half-Full all the time. Some things suck.
I wonder nearly all the time what it would be like to have a calm brain, one that doesn’t wake me in the night just to scan through everything under the sun that I might have messed up and what would need to be done to fix all those mistakes. I’d like to try it for a day or two, just to see. When I encounter someone like your Remicade nurse, someone who doesn’t get all wound up about things and possible disaster scenarios, I feel almost befuddled. Like, how do you DO that?? What is it like to be you??
I think I would benefit from a return to therapy.
Isn’t it odd? My brother is of the chill variety, and I sometimes look at him like he’s some kind of alien being.
My brother is TOO! In school, he would always figure out the least amount of effort it would take to get a B grade in every class. I would spend every night in a panic spiral because I did not have a 100 average in every class. We ended up in the same general field (law), both successful at our jobs, yet I will probably die of a heart attack at my desk because I continue to process everything via anxiety spiral.
My mom said that when we were growing up, she wished she could make him care more about things and make me care less.
Ask your mom if she ever figured it out, because I’d like to know! Your brother and you are just like the oldest two of my three kids. They are currently in 10th and 9th grade respectively. He’s chill; she stresses. He gets enough sleep; she doesn’t. He forgets to hand in an assignment, and it’s fine. She forgets, and it’s the end of the world. He’s content with his 3.0 (which often dips to 2.5, then fluctuates to 3.5, but evens out around 3.0). She’s high-strung about her GPA dipping to 4.65 because of that one A-. It’s really quite eye-rolly.
Thankfully, third child seems much more balanced!
You are my kids!! Daughter cares too much to the point of anxiety. Son does not care enough to the point of not completing work.
I am STILL replaying a stupid dumb thing I said 5 years ago (and instead of fixing the mistake I made I dug deeper and deeper and it was just awkward). Wonder when I’ll let that one go?
My guess is that some of us will hang on until the sweet release of death.
LOL!
Half gripe/half happy: I work for an organization that works on an issue I truly care about and want to work meaningfully on. Let’s say it’s seatbelt laws. On the one hand, I am very lucky, because many people would love to be in my position, being well-compensated to think about the ins and outs of seatbelt laws! and who should be involved in the discussion! and how we present things! and what’s best for children and also for adults! But on the other hand, it is a rough time to be in my industry because of…ugh…let’s say car manufacturers have enough money to argue effectively that cars don’t need seatbelts. I have been feeling pretty disheartened by how things are going at my organization lately, including the way people in positions of leadership are behaving (selfishly). Anyway, on Monday I decided to do something that made me a little nervous: I went to a community meeting in my town on seatbelt laws and came away feeling really renewed and refreshed and so HEARTENED by the fact that there were so many people giving up their Monday night to talk about this issue and what we could do better as a community. So, my job isn’t going well, but there are people out there who care and are willing to work together to do things better.
Oh how nice! I can see how it would be very stressful at a time like this to be trying to get basic seatbelt laws in place, and also how bolstering it would be to see a good turnout in support of such things!
Keep up the good work! Your post made me a little teary. Thanks for all you do. xo
I have four houseguests of the in-law variety coming for the weekend and my husband just so happens to have a business trip planned Thursday-Sunday. They’re quite decent in-laws, but they’re coming to attend my kid’s events and there will be so much where are we going? & what time are we leaving again? repetition, and they’ll all need to be fed several times a day, and we have too many pets who will also need feeding, and I have so many children, and my eldest might be coming home from college for one night with her pet & her room is where I stuffed all the extra piles of junk, and I just feel very sigh-y and procrastinate-y about all of it and it’s only Wednesday.
Years ago you posted photos of your basement storage (I can’t remember if you included the pantry), but it was kids’ clothing bins & shoes/boots & such and I’ve tried to go back and find it, but can’t. I’m trying to organize such items in my own basement and need Swistle motivation. Is there any chance you’d share photos of how you have things arranged these days?
First day of true spring weather yesterday caused my cat to declare an opening to hunting season and he gifted us with a dead bird and the lower half of a rabbit.
I bought new pillows for my side porch at Target yesterday and I could see them out my bathroom window first thing this morning and that felt happy.
Right now we are at what I HOPE is the maximum amount of things we need to store: we have SO MANY handmedowns and it feels as if we are accumulating them on the upper end far more quickly than we are able to ditch them at the lower end. And I have lost the perky organizational motivation of my youth. I mostly employ the A Bunch of Mismatched Boxes method at this point, and have gone from a careful rewritable labeling system to a “writing with a Sharpie on the side of the box, then scribbling it out and writing the new contents” system. There are stacks of boxes everywhere, including intrusive stacks in what used to be the downstairs playroom and is now the Treadmill/Legos/BOXES room.
In-law houseguests WHILE THE SPOUSE IS AWAY is a maddening situation.
I like the way you think. I have so many bins & boxes of hand-me-downs that I shall simply declare a room (or 3) the Boxes room for now. I might also consider titles for other rooms such as Piles and Random Things. If I play it right, I can leave everything exactly as it is, but simply re-label the rooms in every day speech & thought until it all feels quite tidy & organized. This could work…
ugh handmedown!! I LOVE having handmedown, but I HATE storing them!!!! If you find a good solution or just a good idea, let me know!!
My kids (one 4, the other VERY 2 (AND A HALF! she would yell)) are at my parents for the week. I have just…..many many hours to do whatever I want with. I woke up so happy. (I even woke up at 4am and was awake until 5am but I cared NOT because it was not a child’s fault! And I can nap today in between work and appointments!) Oh! And tonight my husband and I are going to see a play about basketball and I really, really hope there is actual basketball in it because I will be delighted if a major plot point depends on an actor making a basket.
Oh, how LOVELY!
I will report back!
Swistle, sometime would you please chat about how you are able to move your posts AND comments from your old blog?
It happened automatically via some sort of import feature on WordPress: I just told it to do it, and it did it. The harder thing is that it doesn’t move the PHOTOS: it SEEMS to move the photos, but the photos still actually live on the old blog location. Which means I can’t delete the old blog location until I go through every single post, find all the photos one by one, and move them. I have been procrastinating on this for YEARS, but am finally working on it today. Also, all the links I did in all my posts that linked to others of my posts—all of THOSE link to the OLD BLOG. So I am fixing those too. It is such a pain.
Thank you! I appreciate your efforts and your information! :)
Due to an unexpected hospitalization(everything is fine – a few days of IV fluid are all is back to normal), Easter holiday madness, houseguests and just general life – my cupboards are bare. Thankfully, I’m able, financially, to replenish them. However I have yet to find the time to do so. It will require going to so many different places – the warehouse club for basic household needs like toilet paper and papertowels, the normal grocery store, the “fancy” store for the coffee I adore and other similar treats, the farm market store for fresh produce and the specialty sauces we love, the big box store for things like diapers and cleaners. :(
And, because my cupboards are bare, we’ve been eating out more that usual. Which made me realize we’ve enter that baby-stage with child #2 where I have HUGE anxiety while in an eating establishment because the 14 month old isn’t verbal enough to tell me what she wants, but KNOW what she wants and just screams at me until I guess stage. UGH!
But at least said 14 month old is adorable :-D
Ooo, I would like to know what coffee you adore!
It’s from a local roasting company. I buy it at the Fancy store because it is closer than treking to warehouse store in the next city over (about 12 miles from my house,,, but that seems SO FAR!
I am left wondering…do you live in Sonoma County? And love Taylor Maid coffee? Your coffee purchasing method exactly matches how I bought coffee in Santa Rosa. The coffee roaster’s warehouse was in Sebastopol, about 12 miles from my house. The local fancy grocery was right around the corner from my house and carried the coffee I so loved.
Oh, yeah. The empty cupboards. Once you hit a certain level of emptiness, it’s like even harder to do something about it. Because now you’re dealing with a big shop. I feel ya.
Has anyone here taken an online course? I’ve just begun a creative writing class and it’s a really chatty group but NOW I’m hooked on checking the message board all the time. Like ALLLLL the time. Because we submit samples of our work and at any moment, someone could critique my words! So far everyone has been extremely supportive, so it’s mostly affirmations. Random rewards are the most addictive. Just like a slot machine.
I haven’t but I always think I’d like to. My follow-through = not so much though. :) Feed my delusion: which class was it? I’ll check it out!
It’s a novel writing class through Stanford: Finding Your Novel’s Secret Center. The teacher is Sarah Stone, a wonderfully encouraging author. We even get to videoconference with her! The whole thing is giving me the courage to apply to MFA programs. :) The Stanford courses are really top-quality, such a wide range of people do them. From around the world.
Ah, I will look into it! Thanks for letting me know! :)
I enjoyed your last post about being claimed by an extrovert. I admit I tend to seek out “wallflowers” or quiet individuals in a bid to make them feel more comfortable in whatever situation we are in. I was shy when I was younger and remember the feeling of wanting to join in but not sure how so I try to facilitate. :)
I have been educated in the last year about THINGS INTROVERTS DON’T LIKE – like I want to acknowledge your contribution to the team but you absolutely do not want the attention. That’s a puzzle for us extroverts. LOL. My husband is an introvert and I feel we balance each other well. Now I check in with him for work-related activities. So at an event I was planning we had a group activity and I ran it by him for the introvert approval check. It passed. ;)
Oh, yes, it is tricky, isn’t it! Nice to have an introvert-in-residence for double-checks!
I’m on my second week of Keto, thanks in part to you writing about it here. I had been thinking about it/perusing the Reddit forums, and then you posted and were so real and honest about it-it felt like the kick in the ass I needed. It’s…not fun, but not terrible. It seems to generally agree with my body, and I really like not feeling SO HUNGRY all the time. So far the main downside is that my 2 year old keeps handing me half eaten snacks and instead of eating them I carry them around forever, and then stick them in my pocket…only to discover them later by pulling my headphones out of my pocket covered in crumbs and peanut butter.
I do love NEVER having to be hungry. It’s one of the upsides I cling to on the days when the Not Fun is getting me down.
Story! Last week, my husband—for whatever reason—saw a swarm of bees just hanging out on a fence as he was getting ready to leave work, and since we have a friend who’s an entomologist and used to keep bees who encouraged him, HE DECIDED TO BOX UP THE BEES AND BRING THEM HOME. (The man doesn’t want us to get a cat, but by golly, let’s have some pet bees!) So, we had bees living in our shed, and then he went and spent $150 (we didn’t really have) and the WHOLE WEEKEND building the bees a new hive out of an old dresser and got it situated out behind our house and dumped the bees in there from the box Sunday night. The entomologist friend came by Monday at lunch and said that it looked like the bees were loving the dresser, and made a couple of recommendations on how to improve it a little more and gave us his old bee-keeping gear, and then the guys went back to work. Well, I don’t know WHAT HAPPENED Monday afternoon, but by the time my husband got home, the bees had all moved on. Like, completely disappeared.
I was not opposed to having the bees—I’m all for saving the bees and I wanted to make sure we had good pollinators for our garden and I like honey—just the time and money that we had to spend on it (and the fact that he didn’t check with me before bringing them home). But now to be out time AND money, AND HAVE NO BEES TO SHOW FOR IT! Just UGH.
That would bee frustrating.
Snerk. 😜
I LOVED THIS WHOLE STORY
This whole story had me wide eyed and rapt from start to finish! Such a roller coaster of emotions! And I am left with so many questions! Is it possible the bees will return? Does your entomologist friend have any thoughts as to WHY they would depart? And do they go in a swarm, like a flock of birds, to wherever they are headed?
Husband went ahead and made the changes recommended, and we poured some sugar water in the bottom of the “hive” to try and attract them back, but it was pouring rain pretty much since Monday afternoon until this morning (maybe the hive was a little too leaky?), so we might have to add some more once it stops. I don’t know if Husband has told Entomologist yet that they’re gone—I hope he has, since I’d like to know if there’s anything to be done about it.
The ONE thing I know about bees is this – if he didn’t capture the queen that could be why they left.
We had a swarm of bees living for some reason on our back door. We had a bee guy come out and he picked through the bees and took the queen and told my husband the others would follow soon enough. And he was right.
LOVED this story!!
I just started reading Barbara Ehrenreich’s new book, “Natural Causes: An Epidemic of Wellness, the Certainty of Dying, and Killing Ourselves to Live Longer.” I wonder if you might like it? It’s great so far. I know you’re on a healthkick, but I don’t think it would be at all discouraging in that direction.
Her previous book about faking positivity when she had breast cancer was great, too.
That sounds like exactly the sort of book I’d like! I’m going to check right now if my library has it.
They DO, though it’s checked out; I’ve placed a hold!
I read her book Nickel and Dimed last year, and it was fantastic, if a bit discouraging in terms of how far we haven’t come since she did her research. I didn’t realize how much more work she had out there! Can’t wait for library day …
Oh, here is something.
Lately I have been feeling as though our home (we live in an apartment) is crumbling around us. We renovated it before we moved in 12 years ago, and have done one repainting and “refreshing” of the hallways and living room since then. But now it’s all coming undone. The (only) full bathroom very badly needs to be repainted. The (only) tub/shower needs to be regrouted. The kitchen needs to be repainted and some of the appliances are starting to fail. The kitchen cabinets, which we installed only ten years ago, are noticeably slanted. The baseboards and doors in the whole place need to be either stripped and repainted or completely replaced.
But we LIVE in this home, and have nowhere else to go, and if we undertake a significant project we will need to be there to oversee it (that is, we can’t just go on vacation and let a contractor have free rein). We also must at all times have a working shower. You can see how this is a quandary. It makes me want to sell the apartment and move someplace freshly renovated, except of course in order to sell our apartment we’d need to do all of these projects anyway, in the hope of getting a better return on our investment.
Times like this, I can fully see the benefit of just renting for life. And I am terribly glad that we don’t own a whole house, which I imagine would only require MORE upkeep and be in an even more obvious continual state of deterioration given our general tendency toward benign neglect. Although at least in a house we’d probably have a second bathroom.
I SO KNOW this feeling, and have been feeling similarly about our house. How can we refinish the badly-in-need-of-refinishing floors when we…USE those floors? and have our STUFF on them? How can we remodel the kitchen when WE NEED THE KITCHEN MANY TIMES A DAY? I know other people do it, but it’s too overwhelming.
Yes. It is completely overwhelming. We redid our kitchen two years after we’d moved in, and it was exactly as much of a pain in the neck as you’d imagine. We did it pre-kid, though, so it was not impossible to cope; we rented a very small fridge that we put in the corner of the living room, amid all the boxes of Kitchen Stuff, and we mostly ate turkey wraps and ordered in Chinese food for meals. But with children in the house, forget it. Plus you’re living with a construction zone IN YOUR HOME for like TWO MONTHS, with plaster flying everywhere, noise, people tromping in and out and using your bathroom, and no working appliances.
I need to lie down.
We completely remodeled our kitchen last year, and this is how: we put away all our kitchen stuff except silverware and two pots and a few necessary gadgets (can opener, etc). We had a long folding table in the dining room, with a storage cabinet next to it that served as pantry and gadget-holder. On the table, we had a hot plate, a microwave, a Brita pitcher, a plastic tub for dirty dishes, and a crock pot (would substitute Instant Pot if I did it today.) We also moved our entire full size refrigerator into the dining room.
Before we started the remodel, we made and froze a ton of soups, stews, chilis, and spaghetti sauce and froze them in 4-person portions in our basement freezer. We ate these 3 times a week for the duration of the remodel. Other nights, we ate salad, rotisserie chicken, microwaved baked potatoes, and other things you can easily make with the things I mentioned. We ate off paper plates and drank out of plastic cups. We washed our pots and silverware in the downstairs laundry sink. We ate out usually once or twice a week.
When we got to the final stage of the remodel, which was redoing all the floors, we moved all our furniture into a pod on the front lawn, and moved into an Air BnB for about five days. It was only about a block from our house, so none of our routines (school pickups, etc) were disturbed. It was an apartment, so we could cook.
The whole thing was stressful, of course, but now that I have a new kitchen and floors I am so glad we did it. Happy to add details if anyone is interested.
That is a really helpful recap!
This. Everything this. I didn’t realize (apparently) that everything deteriorates no matter what. We’ve been here for 11 years and are just now finishing up the renovation of every room. And, now the stuff from the beginning needs to be done again. It just makes me want to throw up my hands and run screaming from this house before something big goes kaput.
The carpet in our house badly needs replacing but I just can’t imagine how everything we own can be moved for the carpet to be put down. Theoretically I understand that this is a problem that must have a solution since people other than us do get new carpet. We have so many full bookshelves though.
We had the luxury of living with a friend while our floors, our kitchen, and all our bathrooms were re-done simultaneously. It took a couple of months but believe me, our friend OWED us and those few months still did not make us square.
I know a few people with families that went through such extensive renovations on their houses that they simply moved out to a small apartment for the duration. But that is a crazy expense for most people, admittedly, even if it is a very small portion of a huge renovation budget.
I (theoretically) understand that a man would leave a toilet seat up, but if you are in a public space – say, a doctor’s office – “if it’s yellow, let it mellow” DOES NOT APPLY. Flush, you pinehole!
COSIGNED
I am having a houseguest in a few weeks and have been spending a lot of time thinking about your Good China, Swistle. (I think that’s what you called it.) I am wondering if I would feel better about things if I too had Good China, and how I would implement it and also get buy in from my husband. (He will categorically not understand.)
And I also feel like it might be nice to have Good other things, like peanut butter or cereal or mayonnaise or whatever but that seems like a lot of effort and potential waste. But maybe worth the positive impact on my mental health? Unsure.
I definitely think alllllll the Good things are helpful.
Yes! Do it! The Nice things always help. It might seem as if it is wasteful, but the no-as-nice peanut butter or cereal probably won’t go bad and you will still have the Nice stuff after guests leave.
Although I do sometimes tend to go full-force in the opposite direction too. My very very good friend from college who now lives 6 hours away (VVGF for short) came to visit with her 3 kids last weekend. After many such visits I’ve always found things… abused. Bread curmbs in the Peanut Butter jar (from reusing a knife), dishes in the bedroom with food bits dried on them, etc. So, this time I prepared. I did NOT buy the Nice stuff. I did NOT pull out my Nice dishes. Heck, I didn’t even go to the grocery store before they came (see my earlier post about life craziness)!! We used up the last of the paper plates, we used up leftover birthday party cups (there weren’t enough for another party but too many to throw away). I didn’t plan meals or cook for them, we all just dug around in the pantry/fridge and ate what we wanted from what was there. It was AWESOME!! I felt much less ragey both while they were here and after they left.
I too am a big believer in Good Things! Buying them, using them, and enjoying them can be a real boost to mental health. I really like Lenox Everyday China-I have the pattern Chirp, and a similar one in red (can’t remember the pattern name) that I use in the winter. This stuff gets a lot of usage, and it is holding up beautifully. I bought my Chirp from amazon, and got a good deal on it, much better than the fancy store that sells it near me.
I also have and love the Lenox Chirp china! It’s lovely stuff! I even have the matching teapot because it makes me so happy.
I have a Lenox Chirp plate that I have my breakfast on almost every single morning, and a matching Chirp mug and spoon rest!
Also! If your husband’s lack of enthusiasm for Good China has to do with $, find a pattern you like and set up an alert on Live Auctioneers, BidSquare, eBay or all of the above, because you can often find nice sets at bargain prices.
In my experience, buying the Good Food tends to get support because the other adults will notice it tastes better and be happy you did it.
Everything but the house! Great auction site to buy Good China and other things you didn’t know you needed. I bought a mangle and lockers that make me happy.
OK, this is going to be very complainy, and i really appreciate you allowing us to just let it all out. :) I am just EXHAUSTED by the time the kids’ (8 and 4) bedtime rolls around that I am a bit snappy if they aren’t cooperating. But I am just FINISHED. With awaking every day at 5am plus working full time plus a 1 hour commute each way, then doing everything for the house, kids, cooking, my own health issues (Type 1 diabetes), the cat, etc. I am just DONE. My husband thinks I should see my Dr. about it because my crankiness is not normal. Please tell me you all are also just as exhausted? I know someone is going to say my husband needs to help more, and I agree and this is my fault. He DOES help. He just doesn’t know what needs to be done for the kids so I would need to instruct him in what needs to be done and I just don’t have enough energy at that point to even ask so I just do it all on my own. Sigh.
Oh my gosh I have been known to LOSE IT starting one minute past bedtime. It is somewhat better now that the kids are older, but even now I will bring out the “I warn you: it is 5 minutes past when you were supposed to be in bed, and I am OFF DUTY and IN NO MOOD.” I don’t even feel ALL that bad when I snap: they are SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED! This is MY TIME OFF!!
Oh I’m so glad I’m not alone! (and thanks for the edit :) )
Your crankiness is totally normal and you are definitely not alone!
YES.
I am down to one kid at home now (the others are nearly 23 and 19) and I don’t even KNOW what the last on is doing after about 9 PM. I know he is home. If I wake up and see a light on after 11 I will go and fuss at him.
But I remember those days of compete and utter meltdown at bedtime- I experienced it nightly.
23 years later, I don’t even bother melting down, I just go to bed. ;)
OMG. Are you me? This sounds like my life, except for the diabetes and cat. I just last week had a major freakout with my husband and this was part of it. For months by the end of the day I was just DONE. He would ask what was wrong, in a less nice way, and I’d be like, “Really? REALLY? Can’t you see I’m doing all this and I’m EXHAUSTED.” He’d calmly tell me to go to bed earlier. Oh, the rage….
Then I flipped out on him and he – again, so calmly, which makes me ragey all over again – told me, “You just have to ask. Tell me what to do and I’ll help out.” Yes, just like all I have to do to get the kids to pick up after themselves is to tell them to do it – then remind them 5 more times, then demand they do it now, then threaten to take away every toy they own, then yell, then stand over them while they do it so they actually do it right. In the end it takes twice as much time and energy as if I’d done it myself and I’m ticked off and the kids look at me like I’m a monster. FUN TIMES.
Anyway, he’s promised to try to be more aware of my needs and engaged with the family. My boss noticed me on the brink and pushed me into 2 mental health days. I’m feeling a bit better. After only one week, it’s too soon to tell if I will be back in the same place by the end of the year.
I think you are normal. Your husband sounds normal, too. That, or we’re the same kind of messed up.
YES THE SAME! I’m alright with “same kind of messed up”. :)
So first, don’t let him call it “helping.” He’s an adult who lives there too, so who exactly is he helping?
Things are pretty balanced at our house, thanks to a big weepy fit I had when my kids were littler. It included not wanting to tell the other adult in the house how to adult, but he just generally Doesn’t Notice Things, and while the obliviousness is probably helpful to our relationship, it wasn’t doing much for the housekeeping. So I made a list of Things That Always Need Doing (laundry! Swiffering! cleaning the bathroom!) , and he learned that he should not be sitting around amusing himself if he hadn’t done any of the TTAND.
Ha, yes, I need to remember that he’s not “helping” so much as contributing as the other adult of our household and my partner. Part of our conversation included my confession that in my head I sometimes refer to him as “Uncle Daddy,” the guy who is technically Dad, but shows up for the fun stuff and babysits sometimes, but doesn’t actually engage in any real parenting. He was hurt, unfortunately, but that’s what he needed to hear to finally understand where I was coming from.
I have been feeling this so hard ALL YEAR. Except I don’t even work full-time. It’s like, WHY AM I THE ONLY RESPONSIBLE PERSON IN THE HOUSE? This is perfectly normal, if disappointing. If you think it will help you to see your doctor, go for it, otherwise, run away for a weekend and enjoy some peace and quiet. (I fully recognize that this is not necessarily a practical solution, and the problems will still be there when you get back, but sometimes it’s nice to imagine.)
You’ve probably seen this article; it made some rounds on Facebook, et al, a few months back, but https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/
Thank you for the article! So true!
Signed, Every Woman in America.
Sigh. Replace cat with dog and I could have written it. By 8:17pm (bedtime 8:15) I am DONE. Don’t you dare ask me for a glass of water or to sign a permission slip or tell me you have a headache.
No solution. Just commiseration.
You are NOT alone. I feel exactly the same way when it’s bedtime, and depending on my stress level, my coping skills can suck. And I do sometimes talk to a therapist. And I do take Zoloft. So there are many approaches!
So first off, I am not dealing with everything you are (diabetes, 2 kids), and second, I still have a lot of those same problems and feelings at least some of the time. Things I have done that have helped … well, for one I have very low standards. Dog hair on the floor? Excellent place for it. (Haha — my DH, who does not work outside the home, and we have just one kid who is in school ~7-2, so, you know, is not here a bunch, complained today that I left the house to go to work this morning without emptying the dishwasher. Entirely true! I allowed as to how if he was looking for sympathy, he wasn’t going to get any. And yes, I am omitting the fact that he has recently done several other very helpful and not-entirely-routine things around the house lately. But still!).
But also, and this was really my point — one night a week I just don’t come home until after the kid is in bed. What I do varies and it might be as little as, well, working late, but the key point is that DH has to manage the entire bedtime routine on his own. And he does. And he gets familiar with it. And I know he is. @Amy, I’d think that at 4 and (particularly) 8, your kids would be able to describe the routine to your DH (if you just leave him with them one night and go out with girlfriends, or whatever), and he’d have to deal — no? And then you can always say, “I’m beat, it’s your turn to get the kids to bed.”
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t imagine that will solve the problem or work perfectly. But might it help?
(My DH’s overall strategy is (a) not to do anything, and then to report that I didn’t ask him to do anything if I complain that he’s not doing anything, or (b) if I do request that he do something, complain that I’m telling him what to do. But having noticed that these are his 2 approaches on a wide range of responsibilities that we share — he does take the initiative on some such, just as I do, though he expects to be thanked for completing his, whereas I expect no one to notice that I’ve completing mine, and with good reason — I now call him on it when it happens. Which is often.)
” Dog hair on the floor? Excellent place for it. ”
Hahaha! Thank you, Alexicographer, for the perspective shift.
It’s just so, so helpful to hear you describe a relationship dynamic that is very familiar to me. The human experience, it’s apparently universal?
p.s. Another thank you to Swistle for hosting this conversation!
SCHEDULING a weekly night of not being there for bedtime is a PERFECT idea! Of course there are evenings when I go to dinner with friends and am not there for bedtime, but these are very sporadic. Scheduling it so it happens every week is just GENIUS. :)
Thanks! I actually have to thank my hubby for this one — when our son was little, he (the hubby, not the son) would go out one night per week to play in a pool league. At some point I said, “You know what?! I need a weekly night out too!!” And I did. And started taking one. It is an excellent thing.
Whatever happened with Elizabeth and cross-country? And yes definitely looking forward to a Rob report.
She did it for one season and decided not to do it again. I was part relieved, part disappointed.
Here’s something I have been mulling over: where best to get things framed? We just moved and I have several things (including a 100 year old photo) that I want to frame. Should I go to Michael’s? Do they do a good job? Or is their basic framing crappy and I might as well go to the local frame shop? We’re not talking valuable art here, but they are one of a kind pieces with high sentimental value.
I have found Michael’s(or Hobby Lobby) to be good quality(but not great) and reasonably priced for the things I’ve had custom framed there.
My friends go to Michaels and love the job they do. It might be “our” Michaels but I’ve only heard good things. I wish I had used them myself, but my husband goes to thrift stores and finds incredibly ugly cheap art and buys it for the usually very nice frames and then does it himself. You’d be surprised at the nice frames he’s found that way.
Oooh, I love this idea! I also buy cheap frames (IKEA is good for this if you don’t want to thrift them) and DIY. We use a mat cutter like this and this ruler. Takes a little getting used to, but I think it’s worth it — everything is nice and custom and cheap. :)
I asked around/looked at Yelp/Checkbook and then found a Groupon.
And bit by bit, Groupon by Groupon, I got everything framed.
But I want to hang this stuff salon-style as a surprise for my husband (lots of it is very old photos of his family), and that is complicated, so I haven’t.
I have not had the best experience with things I’ve had framed at Michael’s (or similarly, Hobby Lobby). They haven’t held up well over time. I’ve had much better experiences with local framing shops.
You could rewrite the mediocre cartoon blurbs to something funnier — or you could make your blog readers do the work; you’ve got some witty followers (I’m not sure I’m among them; not tooting me own horn over here).
I am finishing up the spring semester because I am a CRAZY WOMAN who is a full-time university student WHILE I must also take care of a toddler at home (don’t even ask to see the inside of my home. Don’t do it). I have SO MUCH TO DO. My professors think NOTHING of assigning 12 pages of writing because — direct quote — “that’s not too hard, right? You’ve got time.” (Me: HELLS TO THE NO I DON’T.)
I also have an insane amount of reading to do, and speaking of which: I finished Jane Austen’s _Northanger Abbey_ last night (after becoming very testy with the 13yo because he would NOT SHUT UP and then he LECTURED ME on politeness, at which point I said THE POLITE THING TO DO IS LISTEN TO WHAT I ASKED, THE FIRST TIME I ASKED YOU and he disagreed!!!!, and basically he is lucky to have survived to today), and repeatedly the Allens (characters) were typo’d as Aliens and now I have a Jane Austen sci-fi mashup as canon Austen in my head.
I remember this stage with Early Teen Rob and they are SO LUCKY to survive it.
OH dear…have a 12 year old and yesterday was lectured about how to discipline the smaller children, after hearing a complaint about how carrots “take tooooo looooong to eat” so I should allow her to have cake instead. Sometimes I just don’t respond AT ALL, and am reminded of my mother, who we all thought was going deaf when we were teenagers. She wasn’t, she was just ignoring us.
I too have heard Teenager Advice about how to discipline younger siblings. I like your mom’s style.
I would totally read that. Much quicker than Jane Austen and zombies.
Here’s a social/financial situation:
We are looking to sell our house and move in the next couple of months. We’ve been working towards it for more than a year, and we’re finally at the point where we’re going to do it soon. My next-door neighbor has wanted to buy my house for a long time– he has a number of rental properties in the area and wants to add our house to his holdings. Our families are friendly, and I’d like to retain the relationship after we leave–we aren’t going far, our kids are friends, and I enjoy conversing with both him and his wife.
He told me his proposed purchase price for the house last summer, and I had an agent do a CMA last December. His preferred price is $55,000 lower than the low end of the agent’s range and about $80,000 lower than the higher end. That is a we-can’t-do-it level of discount. I don’t know how to have a conversation with him about this at all. I am all kinds of awkward about it in my head, and that’s not even with him in front of me.
Arrrrrrggggg this is agonizing. What I would do is lie awake for many nights composing scripts in my head. The one that comes first to mind is to pretend he never mentioned a price, and start with “Oh! By the way! You mentioned you might be interested in purchasing the house. We had the CMA done, and we’re planning to list it right at the midpoint of their range—so that would be $______. Let me know if you’re still interested; we’re planning to contact a real estate agent on [date].”
This is a great idea! If he told you the price almost a year ago, you can’t be expected to remember what he said. Even though you totally do, he doesn’t have to know that. It’s polite, friendly, and gives him first shot at buying or making an offer, which is a nice neighborly thing to do.
Thank you! I have been intermittently stressing about it for months, and more so in the last couple of months as we’ve gotten closer. (We were thinking we would be moving in January/February at one point, which is why I had the analysis done in December. Things fell through.)
It hadn’t occurred to me to handle it that way. It’s so much easier than the Big Drawn Out Argh Conversation I was imagining. I am not one of life’s negotiators. I am one of life’s go-alongers. But I can’t go along when those kinds of numbers are involved. They’re just too big.
Completely agree! This is reasonable and breezy enough that it *should* rankle no one. I would also say that even very good friends do not give each other $55,000 gifts, which is what this would be—you giving him $55,000 in equity in the home he would then go on to profit from for many, many years.
I am 10 weeks pregnant, which should be a Happy Thing, especially as it’s a very much wanted third baby. But I am so sick with all-day “morning” sickness I can barely function. And I work full time. I bordered on hyperemesis with my other two and so I reasonably expected this and chose to do it anyway and now feel foolish and not excited. It’s so disappointing to not be excited about a new baby. We have four year age gaps between this kids due to miscarriages and this should just be so exciting and yet I can’t feel it. And it’s a rotten thing to complain about because how lucky am I to be having my third kid when so many want children desperately?
Thanks for the space to vent. It cheered me up to read all the comments here. I love this group.
One of my friends calls this the “wishing an anvil would drop on my head” stage of pregnancy, and I so agree.
You have this internet stranger’s permission to complain. Feeling sick all day is the pits. It just is. And I don’t think you’d find many people in real life who would judge you for literally feeling sick for many hours of the day. This was me with all three of my pregnancies so I get you :) I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you, internet stranger! Feeling as though you’re about to throw up for most of the hours of the day, every day, is indeed terrible. Validation received!
**waves shyly from across a great distance**
Congratulations! <3
I wondered if you would see this. :) Thanks!
I was going to comment about the swarm of bees that just appeared in my yard, but it looks like bees have already been covered! Who would have thought?
Other things on my mind at the moment, I recently received news that an ex boyfriend from years ago died of an overdose. I’m left feeling a strange type of grief, despite having no idea who he was anymore. I also feel bad for my husband, I can’t imagine it’s a comfortable position to be in having your wife struggling with the lots of an ex. On top of that I’m guiltily feeling closure as the relationship did not end well and I always had a fear he would pop back into my life in an unpleasant way, which I guess he has!
To top it off I recently moved and I’m job hunting with no success, it has been incredibly disheartening and depressing. I wish I could take advantage of this “free time” but I’m constantly stressed about money and when I might actually find a job, and whether that job will pay anything close to a living wage. So instead I’m stress eating and gaining weight.
I hope you will find a job soon, and that they will say they don’t need you for a week—so then you can actually enjoy part of the unemployment!
Did they all fly in as a swarm? I didn’t ever actually get to see them travel! (I’d say that maybe you got ours, but that seems highly unlikely. FL to CA seems a bit far.)
Hugs for your stress!
They did fly in as a swarm! My dogs alerted something was off in the yard and they were EVERYWHERE. It was spectacular! Within just a few minutes they had all landed in a large clump in the tree, which is where they remain. We’re hoping a local beekeeper will come by today to take them to a safer location.
I have two things I want to chat about!
(1) Gabriel’s elementary school is the site for special day classes for the district, as in, kids with special needs are bused in from other neighborhood schools to attend at his school. The kids mostly arrive on buses, I’m sure some are driven. But there’s this one kid who arrives on the bus, and his mom…..drives from home to school in her car, and is at the school when the bus gets there, and meets him there? And walks him to class. And I just don’t understand. Several things have occurred to me. Perhaps the child does not live with his mother, so she is doing a little visit before school starts?
Or maybe she has to leave at a different time for work, but works close to the school so she is able to stop in to say hello?
Except, I have heard her tell her son (at the end of the day) that she will be waiting for him at home when he gets off the bus. And our school is in a location such that literally zero people work close to the school, unless they work at the school.
What I want is for her to just drive her son to and from school if that is what she’s going to do. Or let him ride the bus. I don’t really care which. It makes me clutch my pearls re: the ENVIRONMENT. Don’t drive two vehicles twice a day to and from this kid’s house!
Because this is the internet, I’m sure I’m going to get one #atleastyouhavekidneys, BUT WHATEVER. Sometimes I just want to be annoyed.
(2) How do you know that you’re done having kids, if you are not constrained by age or finances?
1. Huh. This is such an interesting scenario. Like, are we observing some helicopter parenting? Which of course we all know can be hard to avoid, depending on the parent’s personality and/or the needs of the child. Could the bus be social time for the kiddo? Or is Mom a nighttime shift worker single parent? Every explanation seems unlikely and odd.
2. Children. Sigh. That is a hard one. I decided rapidly and with great emotion not to try for any more kids. As I recovered from a miscarriage. Perhaps not the best setting for life decisions, but it worked for me. I knew I made the right choice because the relief flowed through me and my husband as we agreed to it. It is so hard to make that choice, isn’t it? Even under less charged circumstances. I mean, this is your FAMILY we’re talking about.
Ha! I love the hashtag.
Maybe riding the school bus is important to the child’s emotional or social development in some way? But he also has anxiety that his mom’s presence alleviates?
My personal bus/driving irritation was that large number of parents drive their kids to and from my daughter’s (now former) high school even though it is one block from a city bus stop. And many, many of her friends lived on or near a bus line, serviced by buses filled with business commuters. I mean, I get not wanting your teen to rub elbows with meth-addled street people. But I don’t think they were going to be hurt by riding a bus with accountants and attorneys.
1) That’s just odd. And kind of creepy.
2) For me, it was mostly that I got a big enough gap between my current youngest and a potential next child that I didn’t want to go back to baby/toddler stages again. Originally I had set an age at which I was going to be done (35). Now, for whatever reason, I stopped being able to get pregnant several years before that age (we’ve been off birth control for 4 years at this point with nary a pregnancy to show for it, after having no problem getting pregnant the first two times). But now that 35 is rapidly approaching, I’m trying to decide how to approach my husband, who still seems to hold out hope that a miracle third baby will appear, about a permanent solution. I just do not want to be one of those folks who ends up with a surprise baby at 40+, and be starting all over again when we’d be 5 years or less from being empty-nesters.
I’m with you on the baby thing, though I did have my second at 35. My husband was like “we’re done!” as soon as our son was born, but I remained a bit wistful until I couldn’t imagine starting all over again.
I do have dreams which aren’t recurring in the sense they’re exactly the same, but I have dreams that feature a third child named Olive (perfectly nice name, but not one I’d choose IRL). Sometimes I’m pregnant with her, sometimes I already have her and she’s a baby. I think it’s more of a “what if” dream than a “longing” dream though.
1. I wondered if the bus was a social-time thing the kid really needs, but also he needs his mom to calm down before school? But I would hope that this far into the school year progress would have been made? Otherwise, I have no idea.
2. For me, it was a very clear feeling during the last pregnancy that no matter what, this was the last time this would be happening. I did not feel that way during previous pregnancy or miscarriage, and always just had a “we’ll just see what happens” attitude, but in the last pregnancy it was NOPE, ALL DONE HERE, let’s be sure this can never happen again. I’m not sure if every person gets that strong of a message, but I sure did. And luckily my husband felt the same way (so he claims, at least).
This whole post and comment section is like a virtual salve.
Winter will JUST. NOT. LET. GO. The weather is absolutely hateful where I live. It’s almost the middle of April! And thinking about the middle of April is how I get myself through the middle of February. Even the few snow drops of crocuses that have poked up just seem regretful, and instead of bringing me joy I now have to feel bad for them.
I think what’s really bothering me is that I submitted my novel to an agent almost 4 weeks ago. And even though it’s one of those “expect a response in 6-8 weeks” kinds of things, each time I open my email, or actually think about it (many times a day), I get heartclenchingly nervous and kind of excited, but mostly nervous, in a vaguely nauseous kind of way. Ugh.
My very challenging 4 year old turned 5 over the weekend and seemed to take that as a mental boundary crossing for him to be less challenging. But then he immediately got a head cold. So I’m not sure yet. Also my soon to be 8 year old has suddenly become super resistant to all schoolwork. While my almost 10 year old is now in her first REAL friendship with a very nice girl, but one who still believes in all kinds of imaginary beings that my daughter does not. This makes for some tricky navigating of the friendship waters. And parenting waters. Me: “Her stuffed animal puppy that comes alive at night isn’t telling her to DO anything? Right?”
Favorite parts: “instead of bringing me joy I now have to feel bad for them” and “‘Her stuffed animal puppy that comes alive at night isn’t telling her to DO anything? Right?'”
Have you read Janet Reid’s blog? Jetreidliterary dot blogspot, it’s very good and will make you feel Not Alone in the best way.
I have not, but I will! Thanks for the recommendation :)
There was snow on the ground again here this morning. SNOW!!!
And there is nary a crocus to be seen yet either. Harrumph.
sad, dreary spring fist bump…
I need to know which coffee pot you settled on purchasing, because I just had a baby am in dire need of upgrading from a 4-cup coffee pot to a 12-cup version.
I am still waffling on the decision. So many of the recommended ones look good, and I can’t decide. Meanwhile I keep microwaving my not-quite-hot-enough coffee.
I really like to drink iced coffee in the mornings in the warmer months. But I don’t like iced coffee from coffee that I make at home (cold brew blah blah don’t @ me). BUT I don’t want pre-made coffees with lots of milk/sugar. I want to add that at home. My price point is somewhat less than $2/serving. That seems still less than I would pay if I went out for coffee (which I just rarely do).
SO I have been trying out various cold coffee in a can to drink at home, over ice, with milk. It is a very fun thing to try! Illy sells one called “issimo” on Amazon but it’s pretty pricey, $30 for 12 cans. It used to be $20/12 which I was OK with, but $30/12, no. Last summer I drank Starbucks “Cubano” which is pretty good, just coffee & a little sugar, I add milk. Trader Joe’s has one now too, I just tried those — both the plain and vanilla. And I am thinking of trying one called High Brew that I saw on Amazon.
If anyone has a cold coffee they drink at home and like, I would love to hear about it!
I buy Grady’s Cold Brew and it is GOOD. It’s a concentrate, so one 16-oz bottle (which is about $6.99; there is also a 32-oz bottle which is currently on sale for $9.99 at my grocer) makes roughly four good-sizes servings of iced coffee (I liberally add almond milk and Equal), and it is delicious.
ooh thanks so much!!!
Oh I do! I don’t know if you have an Aldi close enough to you for this to be helpful, but my husband and I both love the cold brew they stock. It’s clean tasting, not bitter, and just delicious. I don’t have a bottle right now and in my head I swear the brand is Stokke, but that can’t be, isn’t that a highchair from Ikea? Maybe someone else can chime in here. It’s very reasonably priced, $6.99 for a large bottle. For reference, I am not a hot coffee drinker, but love cold brew.
That sounds so perfect! Unfortunately I live in central, coastal San Diego which is some kind of Aldi desert, there is nothing that close. But I will make a note for the future!!
Well, then, I imagine you have access to lots of OTHER awesome sources to try out. Have fun!
It’s Stok, and it’s also my favourite. I get it at Walmart (the only place in our rural area that has any form of ice coffee). Highly recommend!
Ha! Thank you :) I was close-ish.
I am a BIG fan of High Brew. My husband grabbed it on a whim one day from our corner store, and now we consistently empty the shelves of it. Mexican Vanilla is my favorite, but I do like things sweet. The plain/black version might be more what you like, since you want to add your own milk/sugar.
oh hooray! I do put vanilla syrup in my coffee so I will check that out too! I am going to order from Amazon RIGHT NOW.
I love Mr. Brown’s cappuccino. It’s in a can, and my grocery store keeps it in the exotic foods section. I think it’s from Asia? It’s not expensive, but often goes on sale around Chinese New Year, and in the summer, then I load up!
Anxiety vent:
We’re buying a new (used) minivan this weekend, which yay! But the car we’re planning to trade in has developed a significant coolant leak, and overheated on my way to work this morning, and I don’t feel safe driving it, and it’s now of questionable trade-in value. So now my husband, who is not a car guy, is trying to patch the leak to the point that we can just drive it to the dealership, and the whole thing has me in an adrenaline-and-anxiety-induced state of queasiness. And the 7-month-old is teething.
Deep breaths.
Oh, this is so stressful!
We need to replace our toaster, and for some reason I am having a mental block with this! Our toaster is very old, Sunbeam variety. My wish is to buy a Smeg toaster, I love the way they look-but I’m having a hard time justifying the price tag, even though I do believe in the Good Things way of life. Does anyone have this brand of toaster? I can’t get past the feeling that seeing this on my counter would brighten my day, but can’t quite bring myself to make the purchase. But if Swistle commenters told me I should…
The very best kind of peer pressure :)
Here’s how I justify the cost of something like say…a Roomba or Smeg toaster – how many times a week am I going to be using it? 7 days a week? Then I break it down to a cost per day/use.
And that is how I forced myself to buy that Roomba that I have wanted for years.
20 years ago, we had extra money from our wedding gifts to use at…oh, I think Dayton’s? We ended up buying a $100 toaster. A $100 toaster! It has literally just in the last month started to act finicky enough that we may consider replacing it. But think about it. That toaster cost us $5 a year! So I say buy the toaster.
You can totally buy a Smeg toaster. BUT. Like a year ago my husband and I randomly watched this show called Going Deep with David Rees, where he learned everything there is to know about toast. Like you do. Anyway, there was this Toaster collector (so many questions) who said that the greatest toaster ever made was the Toastmaster 1B14, which were made in the forties/fifties and will work forever. So we bought one on Ebay for $50, and it is great, and cool and vintage, and I realize everything about this comment is weird. And probably we’re all done with this chat anyway. BUT JUST IN CASE, here’s the link to the episode! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMCmGB5Fh0Y
Great comment, Hannah!
How much money would you spend on a piece of art that you would enjoy looking at every day? A toaster that looks pretty would brighten your day and also make toast
If you are interested in a toaster oven — we have the Breville mini smart oven, which YES is $150 but it is REALLY a small oven. I use it all the time for 12 in frozen pizzas, chicken nuggets/fries for the kids, roasted veg for myself, especially in the summer when I don’t want to heat up the house. PLUS it is a great toaster. So it’s expensive but it is VERY multi-functional and we love it so much!
Seconding Breville toaster ovens — they are the BEST, if what you want is to be able to toast AND ALSO melt cheese on top of things, warm things up, and bake smaller amounts of things without heating up the big oven. I went through several less expensive (though still not cheap), highly unsatisfying toaster ovens before finally biting the bullet and shelling out for a Breville. So glad I did.
Love my Breville too!
A mix of bad and good around here: I’m in the midst of a Health Thing. A blood clot in my leg is causing it to swell up in an insanely huge, painful, leaky type of way and I’m on the road to recovery but no doctor will even give me an estimate of when things might feel better. They’re like, “Every body is different!” and so I don’t know if it’s weeks or months or longer until my leg stops feeling like I’m dragging around a uncooperative chunky toddler.
And I started the (very first of my LIFE) diet two weeks ago and I’m pretty miffed that 15 days of moderate choices haven’t instantly reversed 15 years of astoundingly poor eating habits. I will Keep Trying.
But my kiddo, age 11, has been so patient and helpful and kind, and I’m not going to say that it’s out of the ordinary but 11 was starting off pretty short-tempered and mouthy, and then I got sick and suddenly it turns out she’s actually a tiny saint. And I feel guilty (for needing so much help) and proud and relieved all at the same time.
Ug, the blood clot sounds SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I hope it just suddenly WHOOSHES back to normal!
I have a friend – a pretty good friend. And we are at opposite ends of the spectrum on almost everything. She is married to a preacher; I am mostly agnostic and my husband is positively allergic to religion. I am all for middle-of-the-road politics but lean Democrat, she is alllll Republican (though she was much more to the left before she married her husband). She is completely against any kind of social services for the needy, and I am…well, you get the picture. So far, I have enjoyed talking with her about our radically different views on this stuff. Taxes, you name it – we differ.
So then Parkland happened, and I suddenly found myself FED UP with the gun laws this country. I live in Indiana and drove myself and my daughter all the way to Washington DC to march. Who knew I’d be an activist? But that’s where I now find myself. I told my daughter that I 100% supported her walking out of school last month. And this is where my problem lies.
I was telling my friend about my daughter walking out of school, and we got into it about how she thought that was a completely ridiculous thing to do, ineffective, etc. Without rehashing the entire conversation, let’s say that I was very offended and now I find myself withdrawing from my friend.
To complicate it, I fear this is a habit with me. I think I tend to cut people out of my life before they can cut me out (before I was married, I always broke up with boyfriends first). She has apologized for her tone and for offending me, but I still find myself feeling cold toward her and not wanting to talk like we used to. It’s been hard for me to figure out whether this is just a thing I do, and I need to stop doing it, or if this is a legitimate response to something I care very passionately about?
I’m having a hard time with it.
Oooh – this IS hard. I’m so sorry.
I have no wisdom to share, but just wanted to offer support. It is very hard.
This is very interesting, and I am having similar thoughts/feelings.
I think it’s particularly hard if you live in a climate where you are a bit alone in recognizing that Our Country Is On Fire. Things cut harder here than they would in, say, San Francisco where nearly all your acquaintances agree with you. (I’m in Indiana, too.)
You should definitely not stop making choices about who you want to include in your life and give space and energy and care to, and sometimes those choices are going to be “no” and I think it’s a really good and important thing to be able to do and I wish I was better at it. Whatever you decide in this case, it is definitely a legitimate opportunity to make a choice, not something you *ought* to just spackle over and move on. ]
Maybe think about whether there’s something she could give you that would make you feel genuinely good about having her in your life again and if there is, whether you can ask for it.
Maybe think about what pieces of this are bothering you the most and whether you can set some boundaries between you about how and when you talk about these things that are important and painful and divisive.
Maybe notice how you feel doing that thinking and if it is just exhausted and angry and fed up, maybe think about how to respect that. That might mean cutting her out of your life. It might mean taking a break from her or from talking about politics with her. It might mean having hard conversations with her about what you need and seeing if you can work together to fix the friendship. Whatever you need, you have a right to ask for it and to make your choices based on whether or not you can get it.
(I don’t know if you needed to hear any of this, but *I* frequently do, so here it is.)
This excellent framework isn’t directed at me, per se, but I am grabbing on! The mental health crisis with my husband is going to result in us needing to live separately while he tries to get his life back together. I’ve been working with my therapist to recognize that I can advocate and support him while still setting boundaries, expectations, and limits that are healthy for me and our two young boys. This is hard, adult work, and these thinking points are very helpful, so thank you, Borealis.
Kristin H, I recognize your habit, its my ol’ “cut-and-run” reaction. When I feel this way I know it’s time to step back, breathe, and think. More adult work, makes me weary thinking about it. So, um, I feel you!
In the “Nice thing that is working for us that someone else might be in a position to consider” category:
About 8 months ago we started fostering dogs for an organization that is like a Humane Society/Shelter. Most largish towns will have one. We have found it a wonderful way to have the perks of pet ownership with out the long term commitment and the costs. We get to choose what dogs we’d like to foster (puppies, older dogs, easy dogs, harder dogs, medical dogs etc…) and then keep them til they are adopted. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been that hard for us or the kids to say goodbye to a dog. We get a say in who adopts them. We know we can always get another when it is convenient for our schedule, and we can take breaks when we want (like if we’re going to be away). Anyway, I share it here because someone might be considering getting a dog but not quite ready to go all in. This is a great way to get your feet wet and try it out.
Great thread Swistle – so many good stories!
This sounds LOVELY, and I wonder if it would be the solution to my recent hankerings to have a dog: it could be like a trial period to see what it was like to own a dog, plus doing something helpful.
I have a fun group of names in my classroom this year. They are so easy to say in a singsong way – all of my boys have names that end in “n”. So I am always thinking, “Aiden, Jayden, Mason, Kasen, Camden, Declan, Cohen, Liam”. Then today I took in four extra kids during math for review and I got a Caden and a Braden. It was like all of the stereotypes of the “Ayden” names came true!
That IS fun!
Ugh. I want to share/ask about something that is literally making me SICK with worry, but I’m so embarrassed that I put myself in this position, I’m posting anonymously.
We’re supposed to leave for Japan on 4/18.
We are going from the US – Canada – Japan and the same way back. We return 5/1.
My passport expires 5/11/18.
After much research: You only need a passport valid for the duration of your stay to land in both Canada and Japan. I emailed the US Consulate in Japan. They said it’s recommended that you travel with 6 months left on your passport, but confirmed what the government website said – it only has to be valid for the duration of stay. (Mine is).
I just can’t believe I made this kind of mistake and didn’t renew it. It’s too late to renew now.
What if for some reason there’s an emergency and I can’t get out of the country on 5/1? What if I can’t get *into* the country?
My husband is 100% against canceling this trip and says I’m worried for nothing.
Any thoughts or opinions? Ugh
I would be so nervous about this, too! But I wouldn’t cancel the trip. Here is what I would tell myself: that the MOST LIKELY BY FAR is that you will come back on 5/1 (or, with most types of possible hitches, between 5/1 and 5/11) and everything will be fine—but IF the worst happened, there would be SOME WAY to fix it. Maybe it would be a hassle, maybe it would be expensive, but you would not be stuck in another country permanently. In the meantime, before I left for the trip, I would start the passport renewal process, figuring that it needs to be done anyway, and maybe if something DID happen, it would help that the passport was already in the process of being renewed. (I would not do this, of course, if it were not possible—like if the original passport has to be mailed in with the application or something like that.)
You have to turn in your old passport to get a new one. But, if you are willing to pay lots of money, you can get an expedited passport in under two weeks. If you have even more money, live near a large city with a regional passport agency, and have a good reason, you can get an emergency passport same day. Basically, it just costs $$$$.
I have 7 days until I leave and 2 of those days are a Saturday/Sunday. The closest regional passport agency is 4-5 hours from me. I considered going but my main issue is, I don’t have a good reason.
I’m not traveling due to emergent circumstances or anything.
I’ve been planning this since November.
I literally just never looked at my passport (because I’m an idiot) until 2 days ago and misremembered the expiration. Will they do it if you don’t have a good reason?
I had to get an expedited passport recently, it was not an emergency- just my own dumb mistake. I had to go to the main passport place in my city and it was $60 fee (or stupid tax as I call it) on top of the regular fees.
I did not have to show anything proving an emergency at all, but I did have to show proof of travel (hotel confirmation etc).Nope, I did not have that with me. Get out of line, go back to get it and they let you reenter the line. Oh, and your travel had to be in less than 2 weeks, I believe to qualify for getting in the line. UGLY, ugly, worry, worry.
There was a long line of people in the same situation. It was ready for me by 3:00.
I was super upset and mad at ME. It did work out though. My only lucky break was it was very close to where I work.
Emergency = trip is purchased and soon. That’s it. Voice of experience here.
What Auntie G said. A qualifying emergency isn’t a real-life emergency situation, it’s “I’m travelling very soon and forgot to renew my passport.”
Thank you for responding!
It made me feel a bit better to know you wouldn’t cancel!
Here is a general tip that works for anyone if you, like me, use an electronic calendar and use the same one for very long periods of time: when I get anyone in the family a new passport, I look at the expiry date, then put a reminder in the calendar that goes off six months before then.
This is a great idea! I’m putting in my husbands RIGHT NOW.
We are currently debating whether or not I’m going to get up at 4 AM to drive to the nearest passport agency center (4 hours away).
If it was a case of absolutely needing it, I would.
But since both Canada and Japan only require validity for duration of stay…. I’m trying to decide if I’m worrying for nothing.
I’ve renewed my US passport in another country before. Yes, it’s a bit of a pain, but it’s definitely doable. Especially if there’s a US embassy in some part of the country close to where you are/will be.
Oh yes there will be!
Mind if I ask – were you stuck in said country for weeks waiting for it?
We travel across the Canadian Border often so it’s not exactly the same but this is what a Border Patrol Agent told us when my husband had a temporary driver’s license. Essentially, they have to let you back in if you’re a citizen in good standing. It may take time while they process you but you’re allowed to return.
So, imho, worse case: it takes a little longer to return. Breathe. :)
Are you up for a family planning chat, Swistle?
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I’m now in the opposite of the situation you were in after Henry: my husband wants more kids, I don’t.
We have 2 and I love them both and the older they get, the more I love them (they are 3.5 and 5.5) but I also feel DONE. When we talked about it before marriage, we both agreed that we’d like a large family (he wants 5) but I feel so differently now that I actually have kids. I’m an introvert and the noise and neediness and mess really get to me. When I imagine all that x5 instead of x2 I shudder.
Then again, my husband wants more so, so badly, and he is so good to me and asks almost nothing of me. He also does a lot around the house and definitely shares the child-raising duties. He would totally do night feedings if I was ok with formula (but I’m not) or if I would pump (but I hate that).
Not sure what I’m even asking… I’m just so conflicted, he wants this so badly and I want it not at all.
Oh, that’s so hard. I wish there was some way that both parents could have what they wanted in situations like this. For myself, I found that the first two kids were the hardest, and then after that it was much easier to incorporate each addition. But on the other hand, you’re not wrong about the increase in noise/neediness/mess. Is there time to wait a bit—maybe get the first two into school before adding the next batch? Or does it seem like that would make it even harder to start it all up again? There was a four-year gap between my second pregnancy and third pregnancy, and it was really nice; a slightly bigger gap seems like it would be even a little nicer.
Or could you bargain with your husband for things that would make it easier for you? It’s a promising sign that he’d be willing to do the night feedings. When I wanted more kids, I was SO READY for just about ANY bargain. (I offered money and time, as well as a smaller share of parenting duties.) Like…let’s say you got to leave the house for an hour every day all by yourself to go sit at the library with a book while he feeds the kids. And on weekends you get x hours to go sit in a coffee shop (or back to the library, or anywhere quiet by yourself). Or you put into the budget if possible that one night a month (or whatever) you do the hated pumping but then you go stay in a motel room all by yourself.
Ugh, I feel you. We are in the same place- I *think* I’m done with our two and he wants as many as he can talk me in to. If there was a way for him to do more, that might help (he does plenty, but works full time while I stay home). But it’s the body stuff that stops me- the weight fluctuations, the stretched out tum, wet, chomped on nipples, the hemorrhoids, oh sweet Jesus the hemorrhoids. Is this kind of short term thinking bad for such a long-term choice? I already feel like I am a worse mom to both children because of having two. How does that math go with more kids?
As another person who is pregnant with a very much wanted baby but struggling with pregnancy, I love the solidarity in these comments. :) Makes me feel better than when vent to friends and family and they just focus on the happiness of it all while I am in the midst of UGH. (My struggle: varicose veins. 14 at last count. I have varicose veins places I never even knew I had veins. OUCH and UGH.)
Loved reading these all. About the “knowing you are done” thing, we had hoped for more babies but then my stupid pelvic floor gave out and there’s nothing like tucking your bladder back up inside several times a day to really wreck your plans. And your life. I feel like I have an 80 year olds body but I’m only in my 30s. So, too young for a surgery repair, because they fail so often and lead to more surgeries and worse problems. My gynecologist won’t even consider it yet. I can’t lift my toddler or my groceries or run or exercise much. And everyone says it gets worse when menopause hits so I have that to look forward to. So anyway, sometimes you stop because life kicks you in the face.
I am thinking of you and wishing there were a magic wand I could wave to fix this. Sending you hugs if they are welcome.
Ugh. I know what you’re talking about. Tucking body parts back inside isn’t fun. Nor is not being able to do normal activities. It seems there are enough of us too-young-for-surgery women that there would be more options/solutions out there. A couple of months ago, I started going to physical therapy for my pelvic floor. I had no idea such a thing existed and was very hesitant when my doctor referred me. Even after a session or two I was unsure. My ob/gyn rolled his eyes when I mentioned I’d started going the previous week, so that didn’t help. But my test scores are improving by a lot! I may not get to have more kids, but I’m hoping I can ever jump on the trampoline with the ones I have. Physical therapy may not help you much, or it might help a lot! Might be worth looking into. Hugs either way. :)
I had a hysterectomy and bladder repair at 40. When I initially saw the doctor at around 33 they only said it would be best to wait until I was done having kids but made no mention of it being too early in any other way. Of course your situation could be totally different but if it is possible maybe a second opinion would be helpful? I am so happy I had the surgery and everything seems to stay where it belongs now.
My whole life I knew I wanted two children, and once we were at the point of babies my husband and I agreed we’d take it one at a time and reassess, but I’ve never changed my mind. After one baby, I wanted one more (not immediately, but some day) – after two babies, I was done. My husband would have liked another but he was very happy with the ones we have, and now (youngest is seven) he agrees that he definitely doesn’t want to go back to the baby days. Sometimes I feel a little bad because I was so firmly Nope about a third child but I’d be the one pregnant/giving birth/breastfeeding/doing the vast majority of the childcare/putting my life on hold for years, so. I feel like I’m getting myself back, now they’re both in school, and it’s nice.
I would have loved to have another kid, but my husband was done at one. My son’s 16 now, I’m in menopause, I still feel regretful that we didn’t have two, but I’m really okay with it.
Just want to say how much I enjoy your blog. I’ve been reading about 10 years now. I’ve not stuck with any other blog this long. What appeals to me is your lay-it-all-out-there approach, your honestly, and the randomness of your posts – it’s not always about kids, or food, or eyewear, or paint colors, or your job/hobbies, or politics. It’s about all of that, but sprinkled here and there. I don’t comment frequently (though thrice in the past 2 days) and sometimes don’t have time to read all of the comments, but I try to. You are my consistent coffee-break companion :)
*clinks coffee mugs in a toast!*
We are just coming out on the other side of MONTHS of court dates and lawyers and restraining orders and federal agent interviews (SERIOUSLY) for my daughter. None of it was found by me, so the restraining order against her father wasn’t upheld – it’s still an open ongoing military investigation and no one would testify. It was a terrible sudden horrifyingly stressful mess, but life is starting to calm down. Actually sleeping again feels….weird.
THAT BEING SAID I get to test tomorrow (!!) to see if I’m pregnant this month! I’m hoping to surprise my husband with the news, he has only a vague idea of my cycles. Still scheming for a delicious plan.
I am currently having a miscarriage. I was 8 weeks (last week) when I found out I was going to lose the baby, and I started bleeding on Saturday. I have 3 kids (6, 4, and 1) and have had 4 miscarriages so far over the course of my reproductive life.
The losses haven’t gotten easier. If anything, they’ve gotten lonelier–like I shouldn’t complain with having 3 healthy children (plus I have to bottle so much up because I’m surrounded by my kids all the time). But I get so sad and disappointed every time. My husband tries to understand, and he tries to be supportive, but it’s hard. I know he was disappointed too, but it’s more of a one day thing for him, and then he is able to move on. Whereas I bleed the baby out for close to 2 weeks and am constantly reminded of it. Also, I am just not good at asking for support from anyone. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of my losses, and I know many women have them, but I struggle with bringing it up in a natural conversation.
We hope to have more kids, and I’m confident that we will, but I am sad that we lost this baby. Thanks for the open forum. I actually read every comment just hoping that maybe someone else out there was dealing with this same thing (not that I wish it upon people), but just to help not feel so alone in all of this.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this! It IS a really hard thing to have to keep inside, especially around your kids.
I had a miscarriage before becoming pregnant with my first daughter and even three kids later the memory makes me sad. You get to have all the feelings you need to have.
Wishing you healing thoughts!
I’m so sorry <3
I’m so sorry, and I’ll be thinking of you and this baby. You wanted this baby; most others want for you to have a baby. The difference is so huge. I found support at reddit dot com slash r slash ttcafterloss. Everyone there gets it, and is our kind of people. The world looks different after losing a baby. It’s hard.
I have two living children and have had four losses, so I understand (as much as anyone can understand somebody else’s grief), and I grieve with you for the loss of the baby you wanted and had already been planning for for weeks. My husband also grieves very differently from me, which can be so hard. There are a lot of internet support groups on Facebook and Baby Center for pregnancy and infant loss. I wonder if something like that would be useful to you? And I will have to check out the reddit site listed above. You will be in my thoughts!
I’m so sorry, Katie. Having a miscarriage was one of the hardest things I’ve lived through. It doesn’t matter if you have other kids, or even if you have just found out you’re expecting (not your case, I know,) it still hurts. The things that really helped me were: I named the baby, because I felt like it acknowledged the impact he’d had on our life; I buried the baby (or part of the tissue) and planted a flower on the spot, which I always admire when it blooms; and (since I tend to deal with grief by sharing,) I was astonished to realize that the majority of women who have children have also had at least one miscarriage. So many of us have lived through it!
Thinking of you…
I am so sorry for the loss you are going through, and your other losses. I have two children and have had two miscarriages. It wasn’t any easier the second time. I’m currently pregnant for the fifth time and even at 10 weeks and having heard the heartbeat, I am still terrified. It just doesn’t ever fully leave you. One thing that has helped me is to think of my kids and know that if other pregnancies had gone differently, they wouldn’t be here. After my first miscarriage, I wasn’t very vocal about it until I slowly started sharing and heard from almost everyone that they had been through it too. I had no idea it was so common. With my second I shared the news right away and felt so supported by family and friends. It’s still hard to answer questions about why our kids are four years apart and wouldn’t I like to try for a girl? after my two boys. People mean well but they just don’t know.
Hugs to you. <3
I have 2 children, but I’ve lost 3 pregnancies, and you’re right, they don’t get easier. I still think of all the losses, the dates, the happiness I felt when I was expecting them. Hugs to you.
I’m sorry, Katie. I’ve had a miscarriage, too. You are not alone.
My husband and I are trying to adopt (domestic infant adoption), and we have been in the process for over a year now, with no end in sight. And it has been so much harder and more emotionally draining than I ever imagined. We started the process so naively, and I have slowly learned over the past months how unethical many of the practices in domestic infant adoption are…how coercive of the expectant moms…how attorneys and agencies are making so much money off of desperate pregnant women and desperate hopeful adoptive families…how so many of these expectant mothers are in temporary bad situations but could parent if given support (instead of having an attorney promise them the moon at the expense of hopeful adoptive parents). We are working with an agency that I thought was pretty ethical at first, but now I am starting to have my doubts. It is so discouraging. I am losing hope and feel like we will never have the family we imagined.
This sounds so hard. My parents were foster parents for infants for a number of years, and I remember them seeing similar issues in the system.
I am so sorry you (and all the families you encounter, birth families as well as adoptive families) are suffering. I am an adoptive mom and I think when adoption is done right, it can truly be transformative of all this pain — you really will never have the family you imagined, but one that is uniquely yours by love. You will be in my thoughts.
I recently discovered that my fear of failure is far more extreme than I ever realized. I had a plan for starting a certain type of discussion group at my church. We already have several different sorts of groups, but I thought I had hit upon a need that maybe wasn’t being filled, or was being filled incompletely. So I brought it up to our minister, who thought it was a good idea, and then I went to talk to a woman who’d had an idea for a similar group (but with some key differences) in the past that never got off the ground. I guess I had hoped in talking to her that I would get a boost forward, as I had in talking to our minister. Like, I didn’t need her to pitch in and help, or make any commitments, or even go wildly enthusiastic for the idea, but I had hoped she could shine a light on the next step I should take. Instead, she was politely encouraging, assured me that I wouldn’t be stepping on her toes, and posed some questions I hadn’t thought of. I know, that sounds HORRIBLE. But it became clear in the course of our conversation that her own idea for the group wasn’t due to any particular need she saw, but rather had originated from a casual discussion among friends who wanted an excuse to see each other more often. So of course it fizzled, because everyone’s super busy and the logistics were too difficult to manage, but yeah, sure, go for it. Best of luck to you!
That’s literally all it took to completely take the wind out of my sails. All the doubts I’d been suppressing so that I could actually follow through on an idea for once came flooding to the surface, and I’ve been in a mope for a week. It will never work, it’s redundant, no one will have the time, when would we even do it, these people won’t have the same needs or schedules as those people, why do I think I am a person who could lead this group, anyhow, and on and on. And I know logically that the only way to answer these questions, to see if it will work, is to actually start the group and see what happens. But I’m apparently so afraid of failing that I just can’t see me doing it. Boo.
It’s okay to feel discouraged! You are human, after all :) Whatever choice you make will be the right one. xo
I get wrapped up in these kinds of thoughts, too.
I would say, if you think you have a good idea, don’t let one person discourage you. The worst case scenario is that no one attends your meeting. At least you tried to help people, which is more than so many other people do. All the wise sayings are something like “you regret the things you don’t do.”. I don’t know if you are being super hard on yourself, or if you have people around you that are hard on you. I was reading a romance novel several days ago, but something really struck me-one character said to another, and I am paraphrasing “take up your space in this world!”. As women, sometimes I feel like we don’t want to do that-but we really need to. We need to take our space, and let the chips fall where they may.
Good luck!
Your idea is a good one, it’s not failure if it doesn’t fly, it’s not a failure no matter what. Get it off the ground and schedule ONE meeting to talk about the group.