Hello,
I’m due in late fall with my second daughter and my husband and I can’t seem to agree on a name for her. I think part of the problem is the fact that our first daughter’s name was decided upon so easily and has a strong significance for us and this time it feels more difficult and less special. Ann “Annie” was named after someone who supported us through infertility treatment and my middle name is also Ann, so it seemed perfect. Annie’s middle name is my mother’s first, baby #2’s middle name will be my MIL’s first name so we don’t need to do an honor first name. If baby number two would have been a boy, his first name would have been Paul.
Our last name complicates things, for me at least. It sounds like Fight-Iss with a W instead of F. I find that the strong two syllables of the last name don’t flow well with a two syllable first. Names that end in ‘s’ also don’t flow well. This has eliminated some that we’ve liked, including Iris, Lois and Edith.
We have a few names that we do agree on but can’t use for one reason or another based on family strife or people close to us using the name recently:
Ruth (this would be THE name, but we absolutely can not use it)
Mary
June
Opal
Jane (too similar to Ann for me)
Margaret
Julie
Eve (we are worried it is too close to other popular names like Ava and Evelyn)Names my husband likes that I don’t:
Vera
Sylvia
MaeNames I like that my husband doesn’t:
Rose (I love this but he thinks it is too frilly, while I find it simple yet elegant. However, it does seem to be quickly gaining popularity where we live)
Sara
Miriam
HopeNames we both like but aren’t convinced on yet:
Helen (we both like that it sounds strong but for some reason I think it sounds similar to Ann. My family also does not care for it)
Joan “Jo” (we both like the nickname Jo but do not care for longer versions like Josephine or Jolene)
Liza (I’m worried it is too similar to Eliza, which seems popular where we live)I’d like to find a name that is not in the top 100 and that goes well with our daughter’s. Annie’s name seems so special to me and I never want our future daughter to feel like we settled on her name. We likely won’t have more children so we don’t need to worry about finding additional complimentary names moving forward.
I appreciate any help you can offer!
Oh, I just love Joan. That’s the one that leapt out at me. Ann and Joan, Annie and Jo.
It is not at all uncommon for parents to have trouble finding a name for a second child that seems as special as the name of the first child. Part of this is the obvious explanation that parents would of course tend to use the best, favorite, most-special name first, and so, unavoidably, any subsequent names will be less best, less favorite, less-special. Another part is that by the time parents are naming a second child, the first child’s name has WELDED to the first child: it is no longer a name, it is THE CHILD. No mere name can possibly hope to measure up to that, not until the second child is born and their name has welded similarly to them.
In your particular case, you used a special significant honor first name for your first child, and you’re not planning to use an honor first name this time, so it’s natural that the name would feel less special. I like to think about families who have a naming tradition for the firstborn but not for subsequent children: clearly things aren’t balanced, and yet I don’t hear much from siblings who are peeved their older brother/sister got the special honor name. I’m sure they exist, because if there is a thing to be peeved about, you can be sure someone somewhere is peeved about it; but it’s not a common, regular thing where we all know a grown adult who is angry that their older sibling got a tradition/honor name and they didn’t. We’re familiar with the idea that sometimes there is only one naming tradition in the family, or only one honor name the parents wanted to use.
An obvious fix here would be to find another special significant honor first name, but my guess is that this is an idea you have considered and rejected already. It may be an idea to go back to, if you continue to find yourself unhappy with the difference. I don’t think you need to worry that the child will feel less special over this, especially if you tell the naming stories with equal love and enthusiasm (“We used your name because we just LOVED it, it was our FAVORITE, we just thought it was SO cool/beautiful/classic/etc.!” is a great naming story too). But if it bothers YOU, that is a good reason to see what can be done. The nice thing about the name Ann is that it is ancient and traditional and likely to go beautifully with many, many names from the family tree or from history.
From your can’t-use list, I particularly like Ruth, June, and Jane. From your husband’s list, my favorite is Mae, but I prefer the spelling May with Ann. From your list, my favorite is Rose. From your joint list, my favorite is Joan—and that’s my favorite from all the lists. I would add:
Elaine
Ellen
Irene
Jean
Jill
Joy
Kay
Laura
Leah
Leigh
Lynn
Maeve
Marie
Polly
Sally
I know you said two-syllable names don’t flow well for you, but I left those in anyway in case they’d be of use to someone else, or in case I can persuade you.
I particularly like Sally. Annie and Sally. Darling. Polly is just as darling, and is similar to your boy-name choice Paul.
I also love Leigh and Lynn. I find they have the same unexpected feeling of names such as Ann and John: they’re familiar names the eye can skip across in the naming book, but there’s a fresh surprise when we encounter them on a child. Annie and Leigh, Annie and Lynn.
And I would love to encounter a baby Jill or Kay.
Jane doesn’t seem to similar to Ann to me, but I think June or Jean reduces the similarity. Joan is still my favorite from that group.
Name update:
I wanted to update now that our little girl has arrived. After much thought, we decided to go with Ruth “Ruthie” Christine. My MIL had pushed back due to a family issue but ended up being touched by the name, saying she hoped it appeased any family drama. We also love that Ruth shares a name with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a strong woman we both admire. Thanks for all the help and input of your readers!
I’m totally on board for Joan.
Joan! Yes.
Jane doesn’t feel too similar to Ann to my ears, and it sounds good with your challenging surname. (Slightly better than Joan, to my ear.)
Vera with your surname comes out strangely to my ear—it sounds like a technical Latin term or something medical when the two are said together. Perhaps if you have your husband say the name with your surname out loud a few times it will hit him too. Sylvia is actually like this too… I agree, single syllable first names are the way to go!
A classic single syllable name that comes to mind: Claire/Clare
As a Joanna I’m obviously fond of the name Joan too:)
But if you’re not 100% sure about it, what about Jeanne?
It’s a French version of Joan / Jean / Jane / Joanne, has a familiar sound, gives you the nickname Jo and is not even in the list of 1000 popular names in the US right now. (However, just like Jane, it may be too similar in sound to Ann…)
Here are some other options (none, except of Ruby, is currently a top 100 name):
April
Lana
Lena
Amanda
Ruby
Holly
Erin
Jenna
Elle
Ada
Ida
Sage
Olive
Amy
Esther
Ivy
or maybe Paula nn Polly?
I really like Joan for you! I also thought of Claire and Grace, but these seem to be more popular than you prefer. Another idea I had for you is Nell.
One more idea for you is Judith nn Jude.
Uhm, I’ve just re-read my comment and realised that getting a ‘Jo’ out of ‘Jeanne’ may be rather hard:)
(I guess that’s what happens whe you’re reading blogs instead of working, ha!)
BUT, that gives me an opportunity to suggest some more name options:
Alexandra (I know, I know, i’s quite long… but ‘Alexandra Fightiss’ sounds awesome)
Audrey
Nina
Wendy
Kay (that gives me that cool 1950s vibe just as Joan)
Ok, that’s it. Sorry for that comment-under-comment!
I love the suggestion of Kay!
I love Kay! My husband, however thinks it sounds like a noise rather than a name!
I have an Ann, and if I were to have another daughter my top contenders would be Irene and Martha. I think you might especially like Irene, because it’s so close to Iris but without the repeat of the final syllable of your last name. They’re both two syllables, which I know you said you didn’t like, but I noticed that your example two syllable names all end with -is or -ith, which I think makes them harder with your last name than other two syllable names would be.
Your love of Ruth makes me wonder if you might like Beth, either short for Elizabeth or on its own.
I’ve also suggested Martha to my husband and it has been vetoed. I think it sounds great with Ann and it seems so unexpected and strong. Baby #2’s middle name will end in ‘ene’, otherwise I think Irene would fit as well.
Darn! Was gonna vote up on Irene. My 18-year old’s name and she loves it! Unusual but not weird. An honor name for my mother.
Your husband really needs to stop vetoing all the best names = ). Martha was one that started to seem unbelievably perfect to me, especially after I realized how consistently happy it made me that I had picked Ann…I think they are unexpected and strong in similar ways.
Although, for what it’s worth, my other daughter’s name is May, and it’s a great name too if there’s any part of you that would reconsider vetoing it. It does have a different feel. Ann comes with a sense of connectedness to all the women who came before – I didn’t expect at all how many people would tell me with genuine warmth and delight that their mother was/is named Ann, or how much I’d enjoy that reaction. The reaction I’ve gotten to May is mostly “Cool name! We know someone who considered it too/used it in the middle” (although there are a significant number of Asian or Asian-American people who have connected her name to their mothers or grandmothers, which I find kind of lovely). But it is a cool name. It can be as strong or as feminine or as funny as the bearer wants it to be (or all three at once), and so far mine is the only one we know.
Also..since you like a lot of virtue names, and your husband likes Vera…would you both like True?
We talked last night and Martha is back in the running!
Hooray!
I think Eve (nn Evie) would pair very nicely with Ann (Annie). So classic.
I love the suggestion of Joy but also think going with Jo as a full name as well. I also really like the suggestions of Nell and Beth.
If Mae s off the table,. what about Maeve?
I like Faith or Fern as options.
It probably isn’t your style but I love When with your last name.
Since you both like Mary and Margaret but can’t use them, and he likes Mae and you like Miriam (yes from to to all of these names!), maybe Marie is the perfect compromise? Marie and Ann/Annie? It breaks your two syllable rule, but it sounds nice to my ear. I know a Marie and it’s so unexpected and lovely in a first name spot.
Thanks for taking the time to make the connection that we seem to like Mary based names. We discussed using Marie as a first name last night, which happens to be his mother’s middle name. That would free up the middle name spot to maybe use something with meaning to me. I appreciate the suggestion!
What about Maeve?
Ann is typically Ann is a middle name and I happen to have the middle name Fern. My mom’s is Nell so I really like both of those, but the name that jumped to my mind is Hazel. It breaks your 2 syllable rule but I kind of like it with the last name. Hazel Fightiss Hazel and Ann
Marigold
Ivy
Nell
Does your Ann currently mostly go by Annie? If so, would your husband agree to Sara if you used the traditional nickname for it Sally? Or Helen if you used the traditional nickname “Nell”. Both of those seem like good options.
Here’s a suggestion out of left field. What about Dorothy? I know it’s multi-syllabic, but it means “gift of God” which is a truly lovely meaning that might add to her naming story and help balance the fact that her sister got a special honor name, and there are no nicknames cuter then Dot/Dottie. Annie and Dottie. I love that.
She does go primarily by Annie at school but she’s Ann at home. I think Helen nn Nell would be a great option. Dad and I tend to like the more formal name but it would be nice for her to have a more fun option at school like her sister.
I LOVE Dorothy with the nickname Dottie but know someone I don’t particularly care for with the name so I wrote it off. I love the meaning of the name as well. That is one of the reasons I love Miriam so much, as it can mean “wished for child”.
My dad’s sisters are Ann (Annie), Estelle, and Evelyn (Ehv uh lynn, not Eave uh lynn) . I have cousins who are sisters who are Annie (NOT Ann) and Corinne (CORE-inn)
My grandmother Ruth’s sisters are Shirley and Emma.
What about Faye? Vivian? Molly?
Not relevant to the question, but I am Ann Corinne. :)
My sister is Kristin Therese. I don’t think that’s helpful…
My great-grandmother was Honora. Maybe that works?
I think Joan is terrific, underused, goes well with your last name and with Ann/Annie.
Other possibilities that go well with Ann and might be your style:
Rachel
Susan
Lynn
Nora
Janet
Harriet
Leah
Deborah
Dinah
Millie
Maura
I really like Joan for you!
Also, for what it’s worth, I know two young sisters named Helen (12) and Anne (7) … I think the names go well together and are not too similar.
So glad to hear that you know a Helen and Anne and think it goes well together!
Not to push my OWN name too much here, but my mother told me that one of the reasons she named me Kate was because it was one syllable but sounded fresh and strong. Goes well with the last name here as well and I think Annie and Kate sound like an adorable combo. As a “Kate” that is not derived from a longer name (i.e., Katelyn, Katherine, Kathleen, etc.) I find that I am usually truly the only “Kate” in any particular group. So, that’s just my two cents in case you happen to like my name as much as I do. haha
I really like Fay or Faye. The fair Fay. Another possibility is Fayne. I am friends with an elderly woman who has this name (the only place I’ve ever heard it) and I really love it.
My favorite suggestion from previous posters is Nell. So, so, so, so beautiful. I have loved it since I read My Friend Flicka when I was in grade 5. I call my daughter, named Annabel, Nell every now and again just because I love the name Nell (we don’t really do nicknames in our family, or she’d be Nell more often).
Ann and Fay
Ann and Nell
I also think you should consider Harriet.
Ann and Harriet
Beautiful. Good luck!
Rita
Joyce (sooo underused)
Carolyn
Olive
Laura
Dorothy (Love this one!)
Gretchen
Valerie
Clara
Edith (Edie)
Elsa
Ruby
I think my favorites are Dorothy, Rita, and Elsa
Also love the suggestions of Sally and Polly
I just love hearing about a little Ann called Annie! Great name if I do say so myself. It might be a little tricky to match the feel and general popularity level for your next little one, as Ann just fell out of the top 1000 for the first time, yet still feels so common. Presumably Anne and Annie are higher though.
My sister’s name, if that helps at all (lol) is Colleen.
Fwiw I also don’t think Jane too close to Ann, especially if you call Ann Annie more often. Annie and Janey would be cute! I also don’t think Edith sounds bad with your last name!
I do think Joan is a real winner. Nickname Jo is adorable.
If you’re fine losing Paul for a future boy, maybe you’d like Pauline or Paulina?
I vote for Jill. I’m a Jill born in the 1970s and so tired of Jillian. “Just Jill” over here! Interesting that Swistle also votes for Elaine. I’m Jill Elaine :)
Yay! I love all of these names. My name is Anne and I have 2 daughters names Rose and May. My favourite for you is Jane. I love that name. Simple and classic, like Ann. I also like the suggestion of Kate. But Jane is my fave…that was a top contender for my brother if he was a girl (the other was Mary). What about Laura?
Ruby?
I, too, just love Joan for you. And Sally, Polly, Helen or June.
I specifically wanted to suggest Nell and Faye but see that others have beaten me to the punch. 😄 FWIW, I have a 1 yo Faye and get nothing but compliments on it.
A few others I like for you:
Phoebe
Lydia
Sybil (Annie and Sybi are so sweet!)
Marnie
Betsy
Trudy
Judith (nn Jude or Judy)
Joan nn Jo is great! I also like the oft-suggested Nell. Would you feel comfortable using it as a nickname for Helen?
I don’t think I’ve see Esther suggested yet, which could be lovely as well. Or Opal?
I was going to suggest Ira (although I guess this is really a male name?) or Joni.
Love the suggestions of Fay, Kay, and Helen/Nell.
Agree with those that are saying Jane and Ann do not sound too similar to me.
My favorites for you are Rose and Helen. My first name is Ann and my middle name is Helen! So I think they go really well together!! :) I have always loved the name Helen for a first name but I couldn’t convince my husband to use it when we had our daughter.
Absolutely love the suggestion of Faye/Fay! One of my all time favorite names and goes so well with Ann!
I really like Eve (Evie) and Mae/May from your list.
It’s a shame Rose is a no go, Annie and Rosie sound great together.
What about Sue! Ann and Sue. Annie and Susie! So sweet!
I know you’d prefer to have a one syllable name but Mabel nn Mae or Ada nn Addie would be cute.
Pearl
Maude
Meg
Fleur
Liv
Good luck!
Regarding your comment about people not being peeved about not having an honor name, I know I would be miffed if I knew a sibling got a honor name after someone special but that mine was not, as if I was not worthy of an honor name or one that held special meaning, rather mine was just settled on. So whatever choice you make, please make sure it receives the same love and attention when accounting the name story as Ann’s story does. Because while adults may not be miffed about it, children are more likely to be.
Regarding names, I love June for you. Simple yet exquisite. I also suggest
Faye
Chloe
Iris
Daphne
Mary
Grace
Hope
Cora (love it!)
Sylvie
If it is the case that the older child has an honor name and the younger one doesn’t, a good way to defuse or prevent hard feelings about it is to emphasize to the younger child how much you just love their name, and you couldn’t have imagined naming them anything else! What a great name! It’s so special to us! etc etc. That way each child has something special about their name. :)
I haven’t read all of the comments. Sorry if I repeat. Some of these are vetoed but here are my associations with Ann
Mary, Laura, Sarah (Sally), Catherine (Kate), Emma, Joy, Wynn, Gwen, Lucy, Margaret (Polly), Helen (Nell), Ellen (also Nell), Eve
I think Ellen is my favourite, closely followed by Mary.
Oh – also another traditional nickname for Margaret is Peggy
I like Joan, too, and think it’s due for a revival. From the only-one-of-you-currently-likes-it lists I like Sylvia, Rose, Sara, and Miriam best. With Sara you could use the nicknames Sadie or Sally if you’d like both girls to have one. And I know a 12-year-old Miriam who goes by Mimi, which is also cute.
I love love love Liza!!! I feel like no one uses it but it is still recognizable. Another suggestion would be Lila, I think Annie and Lila go well together.
Margaret (Meg, Daisy)
Genevieve (Gigi, Evie, Gen)
Kathleen (my name!) (Katie, Katy, Kat)
Lauren (Lola)
Clara
I also like Maeve for you! I recently listened to an audiobook with a Maeve as the main character and loved the way it sounded.
Also my brother has an honor middle name and neither of my names are honor names and I’ve never minded! Both names were ones my parents just liked.
My first daughter is Annie after my mom Ann and my mother in law is Joan – ha! I actually had written to swistle when I was pregnant with my second, but never heard back. We ended up going with Nora if that interests you! Otherwise, I do think Jo is quite sweet.