Hi Swistle!!
I am so excited to finally be writing to you with an actual baby to name!! We are expecting our first (IVF!!) baby due in June, not finding out the gender. My name is Lindsay (spelled a different way), DH is Greg0ry, surname Sh@w. So here is my question… For a boy, we are 100% decided on Elliott for a first name. This is DH’s middle name and a family name on his side and we have been talking about this name for so long that it really has grown on me and now I just think of our future son as this name. But because this name is so heavily influenced by DH’s side of the family (the first name and the surname are all him), I want more say with the middle. I don’t have family names that work.. the men in my family have Spanish names that I don’t think fit with our naming style at all (same goes for my maiden name). So I am starting from scratch here. My naming style is “preppy-sounding” if that’s even a style.. And I want something definitively male to balance out Elliott which I know is becoming more unisex. I LOVE the way Alexander sounds… Elliott Alexander Sh@w just sounds meant to be. But I have a very close male friend with the first name Alexander/Alex and do not want this to be perceived as me naming my child after him. Not that he isn’t a great person but I feel like this would be inappropriate. I may be able to overlook it but for now I am searching for an alternative. So my question is… do you or your readers have middle name suggestions that flow as well as Alexander to go with Elliott? And that still carries that preppy sounding style? I don’t want to inverse my husband’s name and names I cannot use are Nathaniel, Benjamin, Michael, and anything with too much of an S sound because of the flow with Sh@w. Other names I’m considering are Elliott Spencer Sh@w (but this has the S sound issue), or Elliott Oliver Shaw (DH not totally on board). Any suggestions??
I might be writing back later with a girl name question but I’ll stick with the one question for now! :) Thank you and I love reading your blog!
Lindsay
Here is a thing about honor names: it’s the exception and not the rule for them to match the parents’ naming style. The names of our relatives were chosen mostly by people with different naming styles than ours—and even the ones with a similar naming style chose names that are now out of date by a generation or more. This is why we recently had a whole huge crop of baby girls named after Great-Grandma Emma, but not a similar number named for all the Great-Grandma Ednas—even though there were approximately the same number of Great-Grandma Ednas as Great-Grandma Emmas. It isn’t that all the Great-Grandma Emmas were lovely and deserving of an honor-name tribute and the Great-Grandma Ednas were terrible and undeserving, it’s that the name Emma came into style and the name Edna didn’t. Parents accustomed to thinking, “Ug, I want to use honor names but all the people we love have such terrible names!” suddenly had a family name they actually wanted to use. It ought to be that the best way to have a lot of descendants named after you is to be a loving, kind, generous person, but the actual best way is to have a name that regularly comes back into style.
All of this is to say that if you want an honor/family name from your side of the family, and I agree that this situation fairly screams out for that, I think it would help tremendously to change the search from “family names that are my style” to “family members I love and want to honor in this way.” Especially since we are talking about a MIDDLE name. The middle name is the perfect place for names that represent our families and heritage rather than our personal naming style.
But all naming choices are weighed on a scale, and it may be that when you put “honor/family name” on one side and “naming style” on the other side, a name you really like is more important to you. In which case my favorite from your list is Spencer: I think the flow is great, I think it’s a great style match, and I don’t think that particular pair of S-sounds creates an issue.
For something with some of the sound of Alexander, I suggest Elliott Anderson Sh@w.
For more possibilities to consider, I leaned heavily on the Last Names First category of The Baby Name Wizard: surname names often have that nice prep-school sound, and a lot of them have the -er ending of Alexander:
Elliott Baker Sh@w
Elliott Barton Sh@w
Elliott Baxter Sh@w
Elliott Bradley Sh@w
Elliott Broderick Sh@w
Elliott Carter Sh@w
Elliott Chapman Sh@w
Elliott Cooper Sh@w
Elliott Deacon Sh@w
Elliott Fletcher Sh@w
Elliott Frederick Sh@w
Elliott Gardner Sh@w
Elliott Harrison Sh@w
Elliott Hudson Sh@w
Elliott Keaton Sh@w
Elliott Mercer Sh@w
Elliott Morrison Sh@w
Elliott Nicholson Sh@w
Elliott Parker Sh@w
Elliott Porter Sh@w
Elliott Redmond Sh@w
Elliott Robinson Sh@w
Elliott Sullivan Sh@w
Elliott Theodore Sh@w
Elliott Turner Sh@w
Elliott Whitman Sh@w
Elliott Wilson Sh@w
In fact, one way to get a meaningful name that is also your own naming style would be to poke around in the surnames of people you admire. Favorite authors, actors, poets, politicians, activists, scientists, journalists, artists—do any of them have a surname with the right sound?
One downside of surnames is that they are often unisex, and you’re looking for something definitively boy. The Social Security baby name site is a good place to double-check usage. For example, the name Wilson is currently used exclusively for boys in the U.S., while the name Parker is currently unisex but used more often for boys (1470 new baby girls and 4685 new baby boys in 2016).
Name update:
Hi Swistle!
Our baby boy arrived June 6th! We named him Elliott Oliver Sh@w. Thank you to you and your readers for all your help deciding on a middle name for our little guy! His name suits him perfectly.
Lyndsey Sh@w
Elliot Alastair Sh@w seems like a great preppy, close to Alexander option.
I also like:
Elliot Christopher
Elliot Theodore
Elliot Winchester
Elliot Zachary
I KNOW you want something more masculine for a middle, but c’mon…Elliot Lindsay $haw? That sends me into all sorts of heart eyes! Why is it important for his name to “read” boy? Are you worried he’ll face resume sexism or occasional notes of surprise in a teacher’s voice? To me those little gender hiccups based on fear of femininity on a boy are nothing compared to a completely awesome name that honors you equally to your husband.
I should have probably added that Lindsay is a unisex surname, used as a given name for boys well into the 20th century, that only “went girl” in the US in the pst few decades :)
I was coming on here to make the very same suggestion! Elliot Lindsay $Haw is smashing, and what a wonderful way to incorporate your name with your son’s.
And yes, I know that some Elliots are girls, but to me, I default to boy for Elliot.
I think Elliot $Haw is a great name, btw
So love Elliott Lindsay. So much. Amazing.
But if you don’t….. I’d like to say that Elliott Juan Shaw (Juan being a placeholder for a Spanish name) would be delightful! I used honor names that weren’t my style but were for people I love and it makes me so happy to have my beloved child tied forever to beloved family members. I think a Spanish middle would be a beautiful reminder of his (and your) heritage.
You could also use the English version of the Spanish name if you want. To me this diminishes the honor slightly but still very meaningful. So Elliott Paul instead of Elliott Pablo.
English version of the Spanish name all the way! Came here to say that :)
That’s what happened on my Swedish side, though those were mostly small changes. Lots of Viktors and Frederiks in the 19th century.
Love the suggestions of Alastair and Lindsay! Although, I do hear you about making the middle definitively masculine because Elliott/Elliette is heard on girls these days.
I was coming here to suggest Alec – I like how it flows from 3-2-1 in syllables. I think I love it even more than Alexander for a middle. Elliott Alec Shaw. Or Linden as a nod to you? Elliott Linden Shaw…
Other longer prepsters (if you like that multisyllable flow):
Calloway
Deveraux
Beaumont
Garrison
I would like to hear some of your Spanish names – I do think it’s so important to pass down heritage and sure, you can do it in many ways beyond names, but why not add a heritage choice in the middle?
I want to second Alastair and Lindsay! Alastair is awesome, similar to Alexander. And I love the idea of naming him after both of you. If you can’t get behind Lindsay, maybe Lyndon? Or the masculine version of your middle name?
Other ideas:
Nicholas
Andrew
Marcus
Miles
Peter
Also Spencer and Sh@w do share an S, but each S makes a different sound so my ear doesn’t hear a repeat.
Both of my children have honor middle names that are more “Edna” than “Emma”. In both cases I squirmed around for my whole pregnancy trying to find a good alternative. But by the end, both times, I discovered that the honor name grew on me and now I have no regrets at all.
But, if you want a preppy middle, how about
Anthony
Jonathan
Nathaniel
Timothy
I actually like the idea of using a Spanish name from your family as the middle. Not only would it include something from your side, it would also strongly signal that your child’s Spanish heritage is important. Really, I don’t know many people who use a family name and are lucky enough that it matches there style. I think that is part of the reason family names are such an honor.
Another option would be to use an English or English-friendly version of a name from your family. Jorge becomes George, Estevan becomes Steven, Francisco becomes Francis etc. You’ll need to decide if you and/or your family would consider this enough of an honor or not. Or look for names from your family that “travel well.” Mathias works in a lot of languages & isn’t unfamiliar to English speakers. Something simple like Juan, Pablo or Jose would also unlikely to be an issue. Though honestly, it is a middle name-so it’s not like it’ll be used everyday anyway.
I love the suggestion of Alistair as an alternative to Alexander. Just Alex could also work.
I like Elliott Christopher, which another commented suggested.
Or maybe Elliott Matthew or Elliott Simon?
Or, as others have said, a name from your family, even if it doesn’t match stylistically, if there’s a person you’d like to honor. It could be nice to for the name to reflect the child’s mixed heritage.
I keep trying to post this response and it isn’t going through so I hope this doesn’t post 10 times lol!
Wow thank you so much Swistle and all of your readers for so much feedback, these comments are giving me a lot to think about. I think it is a case of weighing out what is more important to me, honoring someone in my family or having a name I love stylistically. The Spanish names up for consideration would be my dad’s name M@rio and my dad’s dad, Eulogio, who very recently passed. Neither of them have middle names. After discussing it with my dad I am leaning away from using either of these names, it is not important to my dad at all and ultimately I want to be thrilled with the style of the name and I don’t think I can get there with either of those middles. Using my own name as the middle name had honestly never occurred to me and I just don’t think I could get behind that either (I’m sorry don’t hate me!!) Your comments have me definitely considering other surname style names like Anderson (why oh why couldn’t I have an Anderson in my family tree), as well as Alec and Alistair…. and also still Alexander! I keep circling back to that one name and I am wondering if it’s a sign that I just need to go with it?? For style comparison, the girls names I am leaning toward are unisex names more commonly used for girls with Ann as the middle name to honor BOTH my husbands grandmother and my own (we lucked out there). Finley Ann (current favorite), Sawyer Ann, Emerson Ann, Remy Ann, etc. Thank you all so much and I will definitely post an update when baby arrives in June.
Oh I LOVE Elliot Mario Sh@w! Can’t think of anything else right now because it’s awesome!
Congrats! My 2 are also IVF
My grandma was a Eula, I wonder if Eula and Eulogio have a common root.
I love the idea of Elliott Lindsay or Elliott . A little Elliott Mateo Shaw? *swoon*
If not one of those, I would try to find a middle name meaningful to you – an author (Elliott Whitman Shaw), an important place, something. There’s nothing wrong with giving your kid a name just because you like it, but I got middle name rights since my kids got my husband’s long last name and I love that I gave them both honor names.
Ah it cut out what I had in brackets which was “Spanish Name Here” after the second Elliott in the first line.
I have an Elliott Louis. Could be Elliott Lewis or Elliott Luis.
Or
Elliot James/Santiago
Elliot Augustus
Elliot Francis/Francisco
How about Elliot Montgomery or Elliot Whitaker? Those are both wonderful “preppy”names! Or there is also:
Briggs
Brooks
Charleston
Dean
Montgomery
Preston
Reid
Whitaker
Any of those I think would fit stylistically with your wishes! But if you’re loving Alexander, I also think that could work very well!
I have an Elliot Miles ❤️
That S makes a Z sound so it doesn’t blend with your last name. I like it together a lot (obvs since I named my child that)
I also have a Spencer (Spencer Brady) and I think Elliot and Spencer are a good style match with spencer having the preppy quality. Because if the Sh at the beginning of your last name it doesn’t bother me that they both have S!
I have always been bummed about the reason my parents chose my name – they just liked it. So while honor names is not the way to make you happy with your child’s name, maybe a name with significance/ meaning is the way to go. Alexander means “defending men” (Greek) which brings to mind strength, perseverance and several historical figures – we got a winner! “But I have a very close male friend with the first name Alexander/Alex and do not want this to be perceived as me naming my child after him.” How common is the name Alexander in your area? Does Alexander fit alongside the names normally heard in your area? More common/ great fit = use it! It’s a classic after all.
Spencer means “dispenser of provisions” (Middle English) which it’s an ok meaning (however, I prefer the flow of Elliott Spencer Sh@w slightly more than Elliott Alexander Sh@w)…. and Oliver can mean “elf warrior” (Ancient Germanic), “ancestor’s descendant” (Old Norse) or “olive tree” (Latin) – all nice meanings, except it’s the combo I like it less from your options (snappy and repetitive sounds: and not the cool way).
Mario it’s the Spanish/Portuguese version of Marius which itself is a “Roman family name which was derived either from MARS, the name of the Roman god of War, or else from the Latin root mas, maris meaning ‘male”. Some ideas based on this info: Marcus, Mark, Marco and Martin. Elliott Marcus and Elliott Martin are both preppy sounding (and gorgeous).
Suggestions:
Elliott Nicholas Sh@w – “victory of the people” (Greek)
Elliott David Sh@w – “beloved” (Hebrew)
Elliott Albert Sh@w – “noble” + “bright” (Germanic)
Elliott Alvin Sh@w – “elf/noble/old friend”
Elliott Bernard Sh@w – “brave bear” (Germanic)
Elliott Felix Sh@w – “lucky, successful” (Latin)
Elliott Henrik Sh@w – “home ruler” (Germanic)
Elliott Jude Sh@w – “praise” (Hebrew)
Elliott Phoenix Sh@w
Elliott Roy Sh@w – “king” (French)
Elliott Victor Sh@w – “conqueror” (Latin)
Source: Behind the Name site
I say go for Alexander. It’s a common enough name that I think it’ll be easy to say (when people ask—or the friend in question insinuates)—“oh Alexander actually isn’t named after anyone, it’s just a name we loved. But of course it doesn’t hurt that we know some awesome Alexanders!”
But I did, before even finishing your letter, think Spencer, although part of me wonders if you would maybe want to save that for a potential future brother for Elliot?
I would like to second the suggestion of Augustus, and would like to add Oscar and Archer.
I suggest Leander – has almost the same sounds/letters as Alexander without the awkwardness of people assuming it’s an honor name. Elliot Leander Shaw.
Or look for other versions of Alexander that you like. I think the Spanish, Alejandro, is fabulous and would definitely be my top choice. The italian, ALESSANDRO, is also good.
I don’t love Lindsay in the middle spot because I really dislike unisex names in general. I do, however, love two suggestions:
Elliot Whitman (it sounds preppy AND literary AND fabulous with Elliot, and, yes, Walt Whitman is my favorite poet)
Elliot Leander (it isn’t used as much so it adds a lot of style)
Elliot August is also a winner.
If preppy is what you are going for, with some fun added, then what about something less classic and more fun, like Elliot Fox.
I see no problem with combining an ‘ssss’ sound with the ‘sh’ sound of your surname. Spencer sounds great to my ear.
Also a Spanish middle seems fine with Elliott but since you have said that isn’t what you are looking for would you use another honour name from your hubby’s side? If you plan more children then this child could be 100% his side and the next 100% yours? Elliott would go well in a sibset with a Spanish name.
Have you seen appellation mountain’s list of preppy hellraiser names? It includes McAllister and Hayes which sound pretty cool with E.S.
When I googled your grandfather’s name I couldn’t find an exact english match but I did find the suggestion that it sounds like Ulysses and Julius.
Or what about Tennyson? Too literary with Elliott? I like it.
Please, please use a spanish name as the middle! Is there a name that would make you smile thinking of a family member if you used it?
FWIW, both of my kids have honor names for middle names and their First Middle Last does not flow well. They each have a first name that both parents agreed on and a middle name that is a clear honor name of “Edna” variety that we didn’t want to use as a first name. I find that we never call our kids by First Middle but on the rare occasions I hear First middle Last I am always pleased.
My son has a name that’s been in the top 20 for 60+ years. This means that we know a TON of people our age with the name. The general comment is “nice name” and no one has assumed it was an honor name for them.
Chiming in to say: I would not shy away from using the name you love – Alexander – because it’s the name of a close friend. It’s not necessarily an honor name, and it’s quite common. Also, you love it! That’s a great reason!
Cheering for you to use Lindsay as the middle name.
Or Alexander.
Or a name from your side of the family.
How about..
Elliot Alexei
Elliot Bradford
Elliot Ashford
Elliot Benson
Elliot Cruz
Elliot Kipton
Or Elliot Greyson.
I have an Elliot Thomas, born in August last year. Are you planning on having more children? And are names in the running for a girl also family names? While it’s nice to have names from both sides of the family, you shouldn’t feel like you need to pick all meaningful or family names, especially if you’re planning on more than one child. Elliott is already a family name, so “just” choosing something you love for the middle name is fine in my opinion. Every name given to every child can’t be a meaningful family name! In our case, Elliot was just a name we love, but Thomas is a family name on my husband’s side (and my husband’s middle name). Not my favourite name, but it’s a strong, classic name, and since I knew I’d be picking a family name from my side as a middle name if we ever have a girl, I liked the symmetry of picking a name from my husband’s side for a boy. If we have another boy, I’d probably find a middle name from my side.
If you want to honour your side of the family without using someone’s name, how about a place name that has significance? An area/province/town where the family originates? The town where your parents met or married? Or, take a short list of your favourite names and give your parents the honour of making the final decision?
At the end of the day, there is nothing at all wrong with just picking your favourite name style-wise and finding other (non name) ways to honour heritage and your side of the family. I’ll just reassure you that very, very soon the whole family will be so taken with the new baby that his/her middle name won’t seem to matter as much as it does right now.
What about Elliott Marius if you don’t like Mario? Classical!
Other ideas:
Elliott Alton
Elliott Julian
Elliott Sebastian
Elliott William
Elliott Lawrence/Laurence
Elliott Maximilian
Elliott Miles
Elliott Andrew
It may be worth thinking about what you like about Alexander—the 4 syllables? The El- Al- combo? The internal alliteration with Elliot? The x sound? The and sound? Each of these might help narrow down the field and hone in on other good choices.
Elliot Edgar Sh@w.
(I was standing in line behind an Edgar today at Starbucks, and it always strikes me as such a great crossover name).
Oooh. Love this.
All of your suggestions are wonderful!! I had Archer, Oscar, Felix and Sebastian on my list and now I’m adding Allister, Alec, Miles and Reid from your suggestions. The suggestion of Lewis made me laugh, that’s actually DH’s grandfather’s first name (the one we are already honoring with his last name, Elliott)! The more we read your responses the more DH came around to the idea of Spencer, I think it was reassuring to both of us to hear that it fits in well with our style and also flows okay. I also really like the idea of narrowing it down and letting my parents choose, I thought that would be very sweet and would give them the story of having been the ones to choose the baby’s middle name.
Elliott Spencer Shaw sounds pretty great to me!
Other Suggestions:
Elliott Wilder
Elliott Hunter
Elliott Mason
Elliott Reeve
Elliott Lincoln
Elliott Austin
Good luck!
Elliott Mateo
Elliott Lorenzo
Elliott Alejandro
Elliott Maximiliano
Like the sound of these!
I think you should just go ahead and use Elliott Alexander! It’s a common enough name that I don’t think it inherently reads as naming it after your friend. We unintentionally named my oldest son (Miles) with the surname of one of my husband’s good friends. A few mutual friends commented on it at the time, but no one knows or cares at all 9 years later. If you don’t use Alexander, I think Elliott does go well with a lot of middle names. My youngest son is Elliott James and we have loved that.
What about Elliott Xander? I really agreed with the commenter who said a 3-2-1 combo sounded so great and, this way, you get the same sound but without being exactly the same name as your friend.