Hello,
My husband and I are doing ivf and the morning of our transfer (scheduled for that day a week in advance) his grandfather died. If this baby sticks around, I feel like there is something so incredibly meaningful and we have to name the baby after the grandfather. The grandfather’s first name has been used within the family 4 times (my husbands grandfather, uncle, cousin and brother) so we are not using it. But his middle name is his mother’s maiden name and has been used as a middle name in the family once. The name is Lahey. We are considering not telling anyone and naming the baby Lahey wether it is a boy or a girl. As a boy it would be Lahey William or Lahey James and as a girl it would be Lahey Elena or Lahey Anne or Lahey Rose.
Basically, in all my googling there is little data of this is ever used as a first name. Is it crazy? I know there aren’t a lot of aparent nick names for it but I can see a Layla or LaLa forming for a girl. My other daughter has a much more common name, so I am worried this will be weird. Her name is a solid top 100 but rarely top 30 name.
Our last name is hiphened and sounds okay and weird with everything so it’s of very little concern.
Thank you so much for your help!
Amanda
I love the idea of using maiden names as first names. I am not sure what I think of this particular maiden name.
As you mention, Lahey is virtually unused in the U.S. as a first name: I looked back half a dozen years and it is not in the Social Security baby names data base for any of them. (Names used for at least five boy or five girl babies are included in the data base.)
I am working on the assumption that the name is pronounced LAY-hee, but I am prepared to find that there are other pronunciations.
One potential issue with very unusual names is that associations don’t have as much chance to become diluted. My immediate association with the name Lahey is the word “lay.” Do the kids still use that slang? The name Layla, which also contains the sound “lay,” has that association for some people but has additional associations as “a first name for girls,” and as “that Eric Clapton song,” and as “a name on my friend’s baby-name list,” and as “that person I know named Layla,” and as “names that remind me of Princess Leia,” and so on. The brain files “Layla” in multiple files, and all those files get brought to the front upon hearing the name. The name Lahey has fewer files for the brain to access, so each association carries more weight.
Another potential issue with very unusual names is spelling/pronunciation. A name such as Sophia should be difficult to spell/pronounce, but isn’t, because the name is common and so we’ve become familiar with it: we know it isn’t spelled Soffeeuh, or pronounced sop-hy-uh. And when we hear it on the phone, we recognize it quickly because we are expecting to hear a name and our brain has “Sophia” filed under “names.” The name Lahey, because it is so unfamiliar, will take more repetitions. The ear may hear “Lacey” or “Laney” or “Layla” or “Leigh” or some other name that the brain offers up after it gets a 404 error, or may hear “lazy” or “lady.” The eye may see “Laney” with an extra tall stick on that N; or might see a Lah sound instead of a Lay sound, or a Hey sound instead of a Hee sound, causing pronunciation guesses such as lah-HAY (or, if it IS pronounced lah-HAY, then pronunciation guesses such as LAY-hee). You’ll have to spell it, pronounce it, explain it, over and over and over again. Will this drive you crazy, or will it give you a happy little thrill to tell the naming story each time? Parents are all over the spectrum on this kind of thing.
In addition to considering the relative popularity of your first child’s name, if this baby is a girl I would also suggest considering the relative femininity. I agree with your assessment that the name Lahey could be unisex; if your first daughter’s name is also unisex, the two names will work better together (despite popularity differences) than if your first daughter’s name is quite feminine and used exclusively for girls.
I wonder if you might return to the idea of using the grandfather’s first name instead. When I first read the email, I thought you meant it had been used for four new babies—that is, that in your children’s generation there were already four babies honoring this grandfather. But none of the people sharing the name are in your children’s generation, and one of the four is the grandfather himself. I think carrying on a family name in this next generation too would be lovely. But perhaps the issue is that your husband’s brother and/or cousin are planning to pass along the name themselves.
Looking at the middle name options, I notice a lot of repeated sounds in Lahey Elena. I would lean toward either Lahey Anne or Lahey Rose instead.
I would also like to make sure that when you say you “have to” use the name, you mean it in the sense of really wanting to because it feels like a really cool and fun idea. If you are instead feeling stress and pressure, as if the timing of things means you are required to do something you don’t want to do, I encourage you to ditch that feeling. The universe is full of interesting coincidences, and I have not yet seen a handbook that says any of those coincidences require commemoration in a child’s name. The timing could instead be commemorated by its inclusion in the story of how this child came into your lives.
I’m not usually one for uncommon names but I do kind of like Lahey. I like the idea of it with James so your son could be called LJ and might suggest Lahey Jane for a girl for the same reason.
But if you aren’t sure, I think you would get absolutely zero pushback for it as an awesome middle name.
Just as a data point, I have a friend of Asian descent whose last name is Lahey, and she pronounces it LAH-hi.
My husband’s first name is a last name (Stevens, his father’s mother’s maiden name) and my son’s name is also a last name but not one found in our family (Fordon, like Gordon with an F). I think Lahey is a terrific first name for either a boy or a girl, and because it’s short, spelling it is not going to be an issue.
I also agree with Swistle that using the first name isn’t ruled out by three folks in older generations having had it.
Bottom line: if you love the name, use it.
i actually like it. i think it’s cute for both boy and girl
I think that kids are going to shorten Lahey to the nickname, Lay, and that does reminds me of the Eric Clapton song and potato chips. To me, Lahey is a perfect middle name!
Sorry if this is a duplicate comment: I know a boy named Layton. Sometimes family members or close, adult friends call him Lay-Lay. But kids *never* do. I think Lahey is a great choice!
If the name is pronounced LAY-hee, then I also like Lahey–I don’t think Lay is an inherently bad starting syllable! It’s got enough similarities to other familiar names that I don’t think there’d be much of a struggle to get people used to it.
If it’s pronounced luh-HAY, I would probably avoid it, since the opposite would be true.
One thing I want to add–one of my two middle names was the first name of my aunt, who passed away the day I was conceived (so I’m told). My dad always includes this detail when he talks about my name, and while I understand that he likes telling it, I have never liked hearing it. For one thing, I think many children–even those of us in our 30s and Very Mature about this sort of thing–feel moderate-to-major squeamishness at having to think about their own conceptions (although your child will have a different sort of conception story, which may make that consideration a little less important). The proximity of the event with my aunt’s death adds another layer of weirdness for me, as I wouldn’t be up for, er, conceiving a child right after losing a sibling (though again, given the IVF scheduling, it would be different for your child). All I mean to say is that the circumstances surrounding a child’s CONCEPTION might, at least in some cases, matter a lot more to the parents than to the child herself.
All of which is to say that I agree with Swistle–there are good reasons not to name the baby for your husband’s grandfather if you don’t want to (such as your uncertainties about the available honor names and the one I just pointed out), so you should feel free to use it simply because you love it, if that’s true.
Best of luck with your IVF!
My data point on Lahey is Lahey (LAY-hee) Clinic, which is a hospital a town over from where I live. For that reason it doesn’t sound unusual to me, and it also sounds like a name.
I suggested Lahey to a friend of mine for her 2nd daughter – her first born’s name is Haley and I thought it was cool in a name nerd sort of way that Lahey is an anagram of Haley. She didn’t go for it.
Ooh Haley as an honor name for Lahey is actually quite cool! I can’t decide if it reads Lah-hey or Luh-hi – I personally wouldn’t want to explain the name every single time and it’s really not intuitive.
I read this post as if you are someone who is very attached to the idea of this name but the only thing holding you back is upon your research you realized how extraordinarily uncommon it is. I relate to this in a big way. I’m pregnant with a baby boy, we found the perfect name, which we assumed was uncommon as a first name (though a known surname) since we’d never met anyone with it but thought seemed normal enough. It wasn’t until after we fell in love with it I realized it’s never been on the social security list. I actually recently made a post on nameberry to make sure it wasn’t absolutely absurd because never being used by 5 people of a single sex in a year EVER made me so nervous. In the end, we’ve decided that even though there’s no proof anyone else has used it, it’s still a great name, meaningful to us and there’s no reason it’s lack of popularity should stop us.
I also assume it’s pronounced lay-he and with that assumption, I think if a girl lady would actually be a cute nick name. And LJ or LW would be cute nicknames for a boy. Maybe having a backup nickname will help you feel more comfortable with a very uncommon name. Not that those are common nicknames, but nicknames that might be more casual if you fear explaining Lahey all the time.
I really like names with meaning as I feel most people who have meaningful names enjoy their own names more.
On the other hand if you weren’t writing as someone head over heels with Lahey mostly looking for reassurance but someone who wants genuine unbiased feedback: the name itself isn’t my style. Like swistle I assumed the pronunciation but also thought… I’m not sure if that’s right. So I would expect some people will get it wrong. Before reading swistle’s response I also thought lay in a name might lead to some snickering. Both of these things aren’t immediate deal breakers for me because, as I said, I prefer names with meaning. And I also know all names have some drawbacks. But if they are deal breakers for you, there are lots of way to honor people without using their name. Maybe you can use the month, season or birthstone from his birthday. A name that’s definition relates to a hobby of his (Raven because he was a birdwatcher, Stella because he loved astrology for example.) The town he grew up in. Etc. Or are there variants of his first name that you like? Some cultures honor loved ones by using the same initials… even a name with a definition that is a nod to the sorrow of losing him but the joy in this new life, or the circle of life, or gift if you feel this baby is a gift from his grandfather.
Good luck. I hope you have a sticky baby in there and I hope you let us know the name when he or she is born!
The name sounds offbeat to me but not in a weird way – in the same category as the name Kensington for a girl (vaguely surname-y and unisex–a trendy combination these days). I also associate it with the Lahey Clinic near Boston so if you live in the region people would be able to pronounce it easily, but also think about health care.
Somewhat off topic: my son is the result of IVF (so I know what the LW is going through and wish her the best) – any chance we could, in a separate thread, talk about names that celebrate the birth of babies who arrived after lots of wishing and waiting (because of fertility issues, long adoption processes, or other situations)?
I like Lahey, and I don’t usually like surname names. And I also get the feeling from your letter that YOU like Lahey, and won’t regret using it at all. Most people don’t know how popular names are…the mismatch between siblings probably won’t be that noticible. And even though Lahey is very uncommon, surname names aren’t. Lahey will fit right in with Layton and Delaney. It’s not like you’re naming children Emma and Orb.
Additional nicknames could be Lee (for a girl or a boy) or Elle (for a girl).
“The universe is full of interesting coincidences, and I have not yet seen a handbook that says any of those coincidences require commemoration in a child’s name.” Swistle—you deserve a nationally syndicated baby name column in a newspaper or something. You’re so good at this.
But, to the OP: Lahey is cute! It’s unusual but also feels similar to the Riley/Paisley/Brynlee/Hayley crop of popular names. It does read “girl” to me, but not overwhelmingly so. I would assume a Lahey was Southern and that it was a family name.
At the same time I think it would be sad if you used Lahey without loving it, just because of the timing. I’m with Swistle about the grandfather’s first name. But then, my preference with honor names is to be as direct from the source as possible.
In some cultures, using an initial is THE way to honor a relative. Names of relatives that you know and are living or names of relatives that you knew and have now passed are off limits for many Jewish families of Ashkenazi descent. So, if this is A Sticky Baby (fingers crossed!!) and for some reason you do not want to go with Lahey or his first name, you could do Firstinitial Lahey Last-name. If Grandpa was Michael, then Milo lahey Last-name, or Mirabelle Lahey Last-name, and so on.
That being said, I really like Lahey. I teach preschool, and I wouldn’t even bat an eye if I had a new student, boy or girl, named Lahey. If you love it, go for it!
My first thought was Lahey, like Senator Patrick Leahy? (I had to look up the spelling of the senator’s name) But that’s not a deal breaker unless you cannot stand him.
Super unusual, but that is more or less how surname names came about, isn’t it? Lahey seems fine to me. Giving the baby the same name as several much older family members isn’t a big deal in my family either. I am Elisabeth, niece of Elisabeth, great-niece of Elisabeth, and great-granddaughter of Elisabeth. We all have different nicknames, but even if we didn’t, it wouldn’t have been that confusing. Except when Dad used *that* voice when calling my name and a bunch of grown women looked up with guilty expressions. lol.
I like Lahey but I think you should know that there is the association of Jim Lahey from Trailer Park Boys, which wouldn’t likely be a positive one for many people (this would be especially relevant in Canada)! I’m not sure if this relevant south of the border.Because of this association, the pronunciation seemed obvious to me!
This name feels like it fits perfectly well in the genre of surname names, and if it hasn’t been used yet, it is not because it is unusable. I don’t think the sibling name is a problem– you have a perfect story for why one name doesn’t directly match, and for most people the siblings dont have perfectly matched names.
I would use the name.
My son goes by an extremely unusual family honor name. It’s his middle name and his first name is John. John was just too common where we live, and our last name is very common as well, so unusual name it was. It’s hard to hear, and I usually have to spell it every time we meet someone new, but if you see it written it sounds just like its spelled. It gets misheard all the time, but it’s no big deal. And go figure, there are 2 other boys in his kindergarten with very similar names, one with our same last name. Here I was going for something very unusual and in my pocket of the woods, it sound super common.
All this to say, is that if you love the name, go for it. I love my son’s unusual name.
If you love the name, use it. It will give you great pleasure and the small hassles mentioned above happen for pretty much everyone even with common names. Although I’m with the previous poster and would tell the story that the honoree died just before you were born (sweet) not on the day of conception (TMI).
If you don’t love the name but love the honoree I’d use the first name or stick Lehay in the middle. My youngest shares a name with several older family members and it has given them a special bond. It’s not confusing, although I sometimes call my son “my John” to make sure we know who is who.
Off topic but re saying my John:
If you ask my three year old his name he says “my Johnny” because that is what I call him, his siblings have picked it up as well. “Today is my Johnny’s birthday!” Said to the Sunday school teacher for example.
My only association with this name is Isaac Lahey from Teen Wolf – cool character btw.
As much as I like the idea, I do find Lahey problematic as a first name, for all of the reasons Swistle mentioned. I do think “lay” is still a word kids say, and I think it would be problematic for that reason-perhaps more so for a girl. I think I would feel warmer towards it if it were being considered as a middle name.
I would love to know grandpa’s first name. Perhaps you wouldn’t have to do a direct first name honor, but something related. For example, if Grandpa’s name was Edward & he was called Ted, a girl could be named Edith, Edith, Edna, Theodora, etc. A boy could then be called something like Edmund, Edwin, Theo, Theodore, etc. The namesake is still there & it would help avoid confusion or feeling like a name “repeat.” Though honestly, I don’t think there is a problem with multiple family members having the same namesake/family honor name.
I think Lahey is great as a middle name, and there’s symmetry in that it was your grandfather-in-law’s middle name as well. In my family we have a tradition of a “family middle name” that has been passed from my aunt to my sister to my baby cousin (1st cousin once removed) and it’s a nice connection that they all have the same middle, so don’t feel the need to put it in the first name slot if you don’t want to.
Like Swistle points out, it is unusual as a first name and bound to be misheard (especially confused with Laney when written or Lacey when heard over the phone). While you might be OK with that because you feel a meaningful connection with your grandfather-in-law, your child may feel resentful for being saddled with a name that is constantly misheard and misspelled for the sake of a connection to a great-grandfather he or she never met. Give it a lot of thought, especially since you yourself have such a common name, and talk to other people you know with unusual names. I’m a fellow Amanda and I absolutely love not having to spell and pronounce my name for people all the time, although I feel like I’m one of the only people out there anymore who likes the idea of a common name :)
While I have never heard of the name “Lahey” spelled that way, I have actually heard of a few people either using or discuss using “Leahy” (pronounce Lay-Hee) as a name for their babies. This is probably due to the fact that I went to Notre Dame and there was a famous football coach named Frank Leahy so it is an honor name for that reason. I actually love the pronunciation of Leahy and I don’t see why “lay” would be a problem. There are lots of Layla’s, Lainey’s, etc. I say go for it!
I think it’s a beautiful name, and such a sweet sentiment. It’s lovely for a girl or a boy.
I’m an L&D nurse and I hear a LOT of names that make me stop and wonder. But not this one. I’m a vote for using it. I love it, I love the name, I love the history, I love it all. I have no negative connotations at all and the young kids I hang around with don’t seem to use “lay”. I’m imagining calling the baby “Laylay” as a nickname and I love it so much.
Congrats and lots of sticky dust for you and your sweet baby.
My first thought was Teen Wolf where it was the last name of one of the main characters-Isaac Lahey. I would say it as lay-hee due to that was how it was pronounced in the show.
Hmm, I think it could work, but I’m not sold. My main associations are also Lahey Clinic outside of Boston, and someone I know whose last name is Leahy (both pronounced LAY-hee).
I do like the idea of Haley instead!