Emily writes:
My husband and I have talked about what we would name our children for years before we actually decided to have them. Now, we’re pregnant with our first and we are so excited. We both agreed that if it was a boy we will name it August Wade. August after my great grandfather and Wade after my husband’s middle name. If it is a girl, we decided on Finley Diane. Finley because we like it and Diane after my mom’s and my middle name.
Before my grandfather passed away a few years ago, we told him that in the future, if we have a boy, we would love to name him after his father. He was very moved and it was a special moment. About a year later, we were discussing future baby names with my sister-in-law and she mentioned that the only name that she and my brother could agree on is August. At first, we were a little thrown off, since they were there when we told my grandfather our future plans. But, then we decided that we would still go forward with naming our baby August if we had a boy some day.
Another year passed, and my brother and sister-in-law shared the happy news that they were pregnant. A few months later, we found out that they were having a boy. Around this time we found out we were also expecting our first child, but have decided that we would not find out the gender until the baby is born. They have decided to go ahead and name their sweet baby August and my brother checked with me first to see if that would be alright. I told him that would be great, but that we were most likely also naming our baby August.
We don’t live in the same state and will most likely not ever be living in the same state. So, in the event that we do have a boy, our children will only be in the same place for family holidays and vacations. I’m curious if this is something we should do or just except defeat and find a different name. Is this appropriate? In our opinion, it is a family name, so it seems acceptable to pass it down. Also, they will both have a different last name as well.
Any thoughts on the etiquette of cousins with the same name?
I am posting this in part because it is such a happy example of the absolute IDEAL when it comes to duplicate names in a family: everything is clear and upfront, and everyone is staying sane and pleasant. Really, this hit the spot this morning, when I am reading a book with some dreadful behavior in it and was starting to despair for humankind.
Definitely both families might have preferred to have their August be the only one in the family (in this generation, I mean, since the children are being named for another family member named August), but I think the thing to do is put the preferences on a balance scale: which weighs more, your preference that your August be the only one in his generation of your family, or your preference for your favorite name? If your preference to avoid a duplicate does turn out to weigh more, then there is still time to change your mind—or perhaps the baby will be a girl, giving you more time to think it over.
I think this whole thing is going just beautifully. I think both families have good reasons to use the name, and I see nothing wrong with you both using it if you do have a boy; in fact, I think it’s charming to have cousins with the same name, and that it can give them a special bond. I love that the first discussion happened before anyone was pregnant, and that there was a re-visiting of the discussion after both pregnancies occurred, so that everyone can make their final decision based on the knowledge that the name will likely be shared. And the boys will likely have different middle names as well as different last names, so the confusion will be minimal and easy to work around: they can go by August Wade and August ___, or by A.W. and A._., or by whatever other nicknames the family finds. I think the whole plan is great and I want to kiss you all for being so lovely and reasonable.
Name update!
Was reading your blog in preparation for a future kid someday ;) and wanted to send an update on the naming of our baby BOY from your 2/4/14 post. We ended up having a boy and named him Augustus River Wade. He goes by River. Thanks for your help and all of your encouragement for having two cousins with the same name!
Emily
Knowing that your grandfather was wonderfully moved by the idea of your naming a child after him, imagine how delighted he would be to learn that he would have two grandchildren named after him! This sounds like a great compliment and a complete win-win situation: all parties have full awareness, a special man would be doubly honored, and the cousins would probably feel an extra connection to their family history. I would go for it (whether you have a boy now or later); congratulations!
It might be confusing at times, especially since they will be close in age. Have you thought about nicknames yet? Gus & Auggie are both on the table, perhaps you could use whichever nickname your brother doesn’t use? Or maybe he’ll use a nickname and you won’t? The only possible reason I could see not to use the name would be to avoid confusion, but I also don’t think the confusion will be that big of a deal. I vote you use August.
I agree with Swistle 100 percent! The LW and her brother are both acting appropriately and considerately, and two little Augusts running around strikes me as a loving tribute.
My mother had one major baby name regret, that she removed from consideration her favorite boy name because a cousin had used it for his son. By the time my parents had a boy, this cousin was at least 10 years older and it would have never posed a problem. I think that taking August off the table would be a source of regret in the future.
I agree with everyone. You should use it if you have a boy. It obviously has very special meaning for you.
I completely agree with Swistle, and just wanted to say that I have multiple cousins that have the same name. Let me see…I’m counting five names of my first cousins of which there are multiples. And several of them lived within about twenty minutes of each other and it was truly never an issue. I think it is so awesome that you and your brother are being so sensible about this!
This is optimal. I’d use it. I don’t see anything wrong with cousins sharing a name, especially if they use different nicknames or even if they don’t nickname but live in different places. Go for it.
Even if everyone uses the same name or nickname I’ve found people say, my Chuck, your Chuck, my Henry, your Henry to clarify and it’s not that big a deal.
I completely agree with Swistle! And it’s just a beautiful name and especially special because it’s an honor name.
I think this is fine! My family has one repeated name and one pair of very similar names (Julia and Julian), and it’s never been an issue. Context clues usually keep things straight, but if there’s any confusion, we usually say “your ______” or “my ______,” or “mom’s sister” or whatever the situation calls for. I think it’s especially lovely for you to use August to honor your grandfather!
Oops — hit enter too soon. I forgot to mention that my middle name is a family name that I share with two of my second cousins, and it’s actually a nice thing that we’ve been able to bond over. Especially considering that the two cousins won’t likely ever live in the same state, this might actually help them become closer.
I also think this is great. It sounds like you and your brother have a good relationship despite living in different states…sharing a name will probably help that connection pass down to your sons, even if they don’t see each other as often as you might like. Also, since neither boy will get to meet the great great grandfather that they’re named after, having a co-namesake will help confirm for them that they’re named after someone worth being named after.
I have two cousins named John, which is also an uncle’s name. It’s never been a problem – my uncle is called John, one cousin goes by his middle name, and my other cousin goes by his first and middle initials. Even if they were all called John regularly I don’t think it would have been too confusing – they don’t all live in the same place. Also, if you call your child’s name into a group of children including yours, I suspect it’s assumed that you’re calling your child rather than another one with the same name. (Disclaimer: I am not a parent – someone please weigh in if this isn’t how this works!)
While my vote is that you and your brother both use August (and pat yourselves on the back for being so reasonable about it with each other), an alternative I don’t think I’ve seen suggested is that you could put August in the middle name spot if you decide you really don’t want the cousins to have the same first name.
To E. (The original poster),
I am so jealous of how mature you are being over this. I can’t help but remember a time when i was in a very similar situation and felt completely bothered that my sibling was going to try to “steal” my name. Seriously, your attitude is awesome. And everyone is absolutely right that it will give the cousins a nice connection to each other even though they live out of state. Cheers to you for being way cooler than i was in a similar situation!
“Is this appropriate?/Any thoughts on the etiquette of cousins with the same name?”
I don’t think there is anyway giving cousins the same name would be inappropriate. I think it’s more if it bothers YOU for them to have the same name.
It sounds as though sharing the name does not bother you (refreshing & nice as Swistle said!) & since you said you don’t even live in the same state I think it makes it even less of an issue. It may even be a nice bond for the long distance cousins?
I say go for it : )
I think it is fine!! I have two cousins named Donald, a cousin named Christian and one named Christina, and a cousin named Erik and one named Erika. Most of them live in the same town as well, and it has never been a problem. I say go for it! And I LOVE August.
My mom’s side of the family really likes to give honor names so lots of her cousins share names (and have passed the honor names onto younger generations as well. We do a large family reunion every year (all the descendants of my great-grandparents) and the multiple names is not a problem. Last year there were 5 Johns in attendance and that did not even include all them! To keep them all straight, they use nicknames at family events and then just use their first names in their everyday life. For example, at the reunion John Andrew becomes Jay, John Christopher becomes Chris, and John Michael becomes Johnny Mike, but in school or work they are all just called John.
I’ll echo everyone else and say that I think this situation is really ideal! I would use August in a heartbeat if your little one ends up being a boy. Family names are fair game in my mind, and you’ve really nailed the “etiquette” if there ever was any in situations like these.
Having a non-family name nabbed feels a little different I have to say. In this case no family member is more entitled to the honor of naming their child after their relative than another. But having your all-time favorite stolen for no apparent reason other than lack of creativity? That stings a little. Reading this question though, I really wish I had handled things a little more gracefully when I went through that myself! A little more being the bigger person, a little less griping about it to extended family, lol.
100% okay. I know a family who has 2 Peters as cousins and they live in towns next to each other. It’s not a problem at all.
I think it is perfectly fine to have two cousins named the same name, even if they would be in the same room more often. I think you and your brother, your husband, and your sister-in-law should be commended for this. In the end, you are honoring a great guy (I assume so, as two grandchildren want to name two great-grandchildren after the man!), and so what if you have two August’s?
My family has a long line of Thomas’s. There are cousins, and fathers, and sons, and so on and so on, named Thomas or have the middle name Thomas. What has happened in my family is that there are variations that each Thomas goes by. My cousin, Thomas A. Junior goes by TJ around the family, not to confused with his father Thomas or his uncle Thomas or his nefew Thomas. But away from 100 other Thomas’ he is Tom. What may happen with your two August’s is that one is August and one is Gus when together, or one is Buddy or one is A and the other is Gus or ect… or maybe they are both just August.
On a side note, if you become not fond with the exact same name for each cousin, you could consider Augustus or Augustine. But, honestly, if you love August do not let having two take that away. Good luck to you and your family, and both little August’s.
I think you should go ahead with it, especially since it’s a family name, and especially as they don’t live in the same state. For several generations, my family had lots of Franks and Freds and I don’t think it was a problem even though a lot of them did live in the same state. I don’t think there are any left now and that’s kind of sad.
This is such a happy situation! Thank you for posting it, Swistle!
Use it, love it, and let the boys share in the “club” their familial monikers!
Lovely taste in names, by the way! Best to you all!
I just wanted to add my encouragement. My 5 yr old son has started to tell me I called him the wrong name, I think mostly because he doesn’t know anyone else with it. (Something we as parents always aim for!). I’m sure if I had named him William like his cousin 4 months apart, and half the rest of the kids we know, he would be stoked with his name! But I also wanted to add that August is a good name to share – not so completely common that he still wouldn’t feel special – just something he and his cousin can share.
P.S. Love the name FInley! It’s on our girls list and I love hearing it on others also!
I come from a relatively small cousin group. There are five of us (Justin, Kylie, Andrew, Laura, and Zachary.) My aunt Sara’s favourite name was Andrew, but I already have a cousin named Andrew so when Sara’s son was born (the youngest of the five), he was named Zachary Andrew. (He was originally going to be Zacharias Malachi, but his father didn’t know how to spell either of them, so while he was filling out the birth certificate, he wrote Zachary, and he knew Sara liked Andrew, so that’s how that happened.) Ironically, I’m the only one of us to be named after our grandparents. My middle name is my grandmother’s name, and also my mother’s middle name.
I come from a big family with a strong tradition of family names. My son is named after my grandfather (who’s still living) and also has a great-uncle with the same first name and two cousins with the same middle name. I am named after my aunt. We have always been called “big ___” and “little _____” when anyone needed to distinguish us (even though at this point we are the same size!). My cousin, daughter of this aunt, and I were pregnant with baby girls at the same time. She had always wanted to use her mom’s and my name for a daughter. My husband and I decided that we also wanted to give our daughter my name because we couldn’t think of one we liked more. I talked to my cousin and we agreed that it would be fine to have two little second cousins with the same beautiful, unusual, and meaningful name. I went ahead and gave the name to my daughter. My cousin ended up switching it to her daughter’s middle name because that was her husband’s preference. My daughter is now called “littlest ______” and we are lining ourselves up to take pictures of all the family members who share our name. The discussions about it with my cousin were actually a nice bonding experience for me.
Before I had finished reading the post, when I hadn’t made it to the reasonable part, I was ready to share my cousins-with-the-same-name story, which I think is a perfect of example of where this has happened and it’s been fine. Perhaps I don’t need to now, but here it is anyway:
I coached two girls on the same basketball team, Taylor and Tayler, who were cousins, who lived in the same city, whose mums would hang out together all the time, and it was fine.
This is SO FUNNY. My husband and I had agreed on August as our #1 choice for a boy, should we ever have one. No reason except we both love the name. Then last year my cousin had a baby boy and she named him August! At first I was a little sad that it would be weird if we used it, but then I came to my senses and realized that we live on opposite coasts and I haven’t even seen her since I was a baby, so really there’s no reason not to use the name. And then a month or so ago I came to the sudden realization that August is absolutely terrible with our last name (starts with G-a-s and the first syllable sounds like what you put in your car… Gus Gas___…yeah no) so we had to nix it anyway. As a compromise, because we’re still in love with the name, we’ve decided to name our next cat August.
Anyway. I LOVE that name and I think as many people should use it for their children as possible! I think it would have been fun to have a cousin with the same name as me, especially if we only saw each other a few times a year. The ages being so close makes that bond even stronger. There are plenty of other ways to tell the kids apart when you’re speaking to them – “Emily’s August” vs “Sarah’s August”, “Indiana August” vs “Colorado August”, “Blonde August”, “Tall August”, “Older August”, or by their middle initial (or last initial if that’s different). I think it’s fine! Congrats and I hope it’s a boy! :-)
I think it’s great! Families tend to honor similar people (I have many cousins named Tony after my great-grandfather Antonio) and it can be a fun way to define your heritage. Remember the scene in my Big Fat Greek Wedding where everyone was named either Anita, Diane, or Nick? :) I totally related to this but with an Italian family.
If you do decide to change the name, what about choosing your grandfather’s name?
I know a family with 5 first cousins all named Leonard, and they love their name bond!
My Grandpa went by the same name as one of his cousins (it was actually my Grandpa’s middle). There was more of an age difference, so they used “big” and “little”, but they were in the same town and it was fine.
I agree with Swistle! If it doesn’t bother you & you were upfront with your brother, I think it’s fine. It’s a family name and no one person has exclusive rights to use it. Unfortunately since his son was born first, he will get to choose his nan first – if they use one. I think it’d probably choose something different for a nn.
I have two cousins with the same first name (honestly, three since my brother shares the same first name but doesn’t go by it) and we just call them different nicknames. Nice and easy – if more than a bit amusing.