I have been feeling a little overwhelmed. The new job continues to take up about 75% of my mental processing power, even when I’m not working that day. Edward needed a TB test, and I forgot to bring him back to have it checked; I NEVER forget appointments, and was mortified even though the nurses were nice about it—and of course, it meant he had to have the test done again. And then the cat’s paw got infected, and now I have to force medicine down his throat twice a day, and use a special cat litter, and remember to soak his paw. And then Rob got his wisdom teeth out and needs ice packs on/off every 20/40 minutes, and two different medicines every 4/8 hours, and it’s hard to find foods he can eat. And at Edward’s annual check-up, the doctor said we should actively work on getting his weight up, so I have to keep that in mind and make changes to what he eats. And I’m trying to exercise more and practice good body mechanics so I’ll be stronger and less likely to get hurt at work. And Paul is taking two of the kids on a 5-day vacation, so laundry and shopping and various other preparations need to be done for that. And there are still swimming lessons and so forth, and now we’re out of milk.
I’m reading books on Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s and so forth, which is helpful for my job but I think it makes my mind even more agitated.
Periodically I panic and think “I SHOULD QUIT THE JOB. THIS ISN’T WORKING. I NEED TO QUIT. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.” But then I’ll have a really good shift with someone and feel good about the whole entire thing and start having fantasies about eventually being The Best Caregiver Who Ever Gave Care, and I’ll remember how BEFORE I got the job I was pulling my hair out and thinking “I NEED MORE TO DO. I NEED SATISFYING, USEFUL WORK.” I’m sticking with it until the wild swinging back and forth settles down a bit. It’s only been a month.
Plus, this is SUMMER. Summer is ALWAYS overwhelming. The children are talking to me ALL THE TIME; my ears are SO FULL, and I’m SO DISTRACTED. I start to think a thought, and then I get interrupted, and then I can’t remember what it was I was thinking. The error here was in getting the job at the very beginning of summer. On the other hand, that’s part of why I got the job: they were hiring because of all the employees who can’t work as much during the summer because the kids are home.
You know what one of the worst parts has been? Older people tend to be chilly, so their houses tend to be hot. And I tend to run hot, so I don’t like things much warmer than, say, 70 degrees—and 70 feels a bit stuffy, and too hot if I’m doing chores. So I’m spending a lot of every shift all sweaty and uncomfortable in an 85-degree house, and there’s not much to be done about it. Someone who tends to be chilly would be a better fit: FINALLY a working environment where they didn’t have to shiver in two cardigans!
Last night I sleep-walked: I found myself in the bathroom at 11:30 at night, about to take a shower. Luckily I woke up in time: it’s much worse to wake up already IN the shower so you also have to figure out if rinsing is required, and dry off and so forth. I had trouble finding my pajamas, and still don’t know what I did with my pajama top; I had to get a fresh one out of the drawer. It was a extra upsetting in light of all the reading I’ve been doing about dementia: it felt like a vivid peek into what that’s like.
I saw the movie Spy and really liked it. I think Melissa McCarthy just keeps getting better. I’m watching Gilmore Girls with the kids, and it’s very odd to keep seeing her as Sookie, now that she mostly plays completely different types of characters.
I just started watching Gilmore Girls for the first time. I think I am on episode 8, and I am really liking it. I knew pretty much nothing about the series before I started, and I didn’t even know Melissa McCarthy was in it! But I am finding her enjoyable.
Going back to work after primarily being home with children is absolutely overwhelming. However, it really does settle into a routine. You begin to figure things out somehow, the children begin to understand that mom has a life outside of the kitchen and you find your new normal. I really do think it gets so much easier once they go back to school. That almost makes a part-time job feel too easy, and then you hit a long break such as Christmas and you remember that part-time is just right (if it is financial feasible). Also, I found that I love making a regular contribution to the checking account. Even though it is not much, it really does make me feel like I’m adding value in that area and I’m no longer a non-revenue producing department of one.
Thank you for sharing your honest observations. Makes me feel much better about having similar feelings a year ago when I dipped back into the workforce. I can’t wait to hear more.
I’m rooting for this to work out for you, Swistle, as I know you’ve been thinking about going back to work for a while. I think it will, too, and that you’re right it should get easier during the school year.
I am so totally feeling your frustration. Life can be so darn busy and overwhelming. I’m no longer in the kid category, as my husband and I are empty nesters. So life should be easier-right? Most days it is, as I’m just taking care of my husband and three dogs. Truth is, our lives have become so busy. So I try and concentrate on one day at a time, and not think too far ahead. It helps with feeling overwhelmed and trying to cover all the bases. Sending good positive energy your way, it gets better!
I am a Gilmore Girls fanatic… when it went off the air, I was devastated. I love the way Lorelai and Rory banter back and forth..the references they use are hilarious! Characters are amazing! ANyway,… It is wonderful that you are so dedicated and caring, wanting to learn more. Take a breath whenever you can to enjoy the friendships you are making with these elderly clients. I used to be a nurse (I’m now a teacher) and working with the elderly is so rewarding. They have seen and know things that we only imagine. They have so much to give to you and they appreciate all that you do for them. You are right…summer is such a busy time, especially with kids! So give yourself some slack, try to slow down if you can and keep in mind that it will be so different when school starts back up! Drinking cold water helps keep you cool…Try a water bottle from Flylady . net or com? Their stainless steel bottles are amazing. Fill with ice at 5 am and the ice is still there in the evening…I just keep adding water!
I really appreciate hearing what this transition is like for you. After 20 years of stay – at – home momming, I’m going back to school in the fall. It’s giving me nightmares. I mean, literal nightmares. The other night I dreamed that I had brought home some abandoned lions, and bred them, and now our house was full of all there prowling, scary lions.
At the same time, I’m really excited. Anyway, thanks for the glimpse ahead.
I tend to be chilly (in my over-air-conditioned office, I sometimes run a space heater during the summer), but doing housework and caregiving in an 85-degree house would be a challenge even for me. One thing I remember from enduring oppressive summers in the South is to wet a bandana or small cotton scarf, then freeze it overnight. Before your shift, tie it around your neck. I think they make actual products like this now, like THE CHILLER or some similarly named thing that is advertised on late-night television.
On feeling overwhelmed: it does sound like part of a settling-in process rather than a dire, untenable situation. And I do think that while the school year presents other logistical challenges, it will tip the scales more toward the manageable. Also, the upside of all the vacation preparations is that you will have three fewer people in the house for five days!
You can definitely do this. You ARE doing it. And you’re watching Gilmore Girls, to boot!
It gets better! Starting work is HARD: if it were just you, single and childless, the new routine would be tiring enough, but when you add a family and other responsibilities it just quadruples the amount of thought and effort. But I promise you it gets easier with a little time, and you’ll work out little tricks and habits to keep things running smoothly.
You can probably expect a little hiccup when school starts–the kids won’t be around and in your ear all day, but it will bring a new set of small challenges–but if you EXPECT that to happen it won’t be so startling. And like Laura said above, having that paycheck does make it feel much more worthwhile.
If you ever want suggestions on helping a kid with GI troubles gain weight, shoot me an email; I have been there and done that and have that t-shirt in many sizes. The day my kid hit 100 pounds I cried like a baby–those pounds were incredibly hard-won.
I will just once again repeat how much summer SUCKS SUCK SUUUUUUCKS for working parents; I think feeling just a “little” overwhelmed is, if anything, a MILD REACTION.
The Heat is what finally sold me on Melissa McCarthy. I’ve heard good things about Spy as well.
I TOO have been watching the Gilmore Girls, or I was, before my kids were home every damned day and my parents were staying with me. I tried to watch it years ago but couldn’t make a Love Connection but then I liked Lauren Graham so much on Parenthood that I tried it again and really liked it. I was going to recommend a cold towel or I always like to drink ice water all day when I am in a hot environment. Otherwise it sounds good, I mean, it sounds good to worry about the nitty gritty details of Life with a New Job instead of thinking more Big Picture Doom. Progress!
That IS overwhelming! That’s a lot of things to keep straight.
I would be perfect for that job! I’m always freezing. 85 degrees sounds lovely!
After reading Still Alice, I was absolutely terrified. I often have moments of “what am I doing again? How did I get into this room?” that makes me Very Worried.
Swistle,
I just want you to know I am really impressed with you. You are sticking it out and giving it a fair shake. I’ve never been able to last long enough to do that before throwing in the towel.
Whether or not you keep working, you are really giving it a go, and I admire that!
I changed jobs recently and was Super Overwhelmed for several weeks and then just mildly overwhelmed for several more weeks after that. And my situation was easier than yours in a lot of ways; my kids already were in daycare/school and their childcare situation and routine didn’t change and I was accustomed to working outside of the home and balancing things from that perspective. I was already used to commuting and my commute was about the exact same length at both jobs. It is just so exhausting to have to think about every single thing, negotiate every single new situation or relationship, figure out all of the details — I was pretty much a total zombie for the first week or two. I almost never forget things or drop the ball and definitely forgot some non-work-related commitments during the first few weeks. In some ways for me it reminds me of those first weeks (months) with a first baby. It’s like you can almost feel your neural network making new connections laying down new tracks and thinking routines in your mind. Five months into my new job I am almost completely adjusted — I’m still learning new things and not everything is a routine, but it is much, much better.
Good luck continuing to adjust to and evaluate your situation. As many others have said, it is so interesting to hear about your experience and your process as you work through your thoughts.
You are doing SO WELL. It’s such a big adjustment to add work back into everything, huh. I have three kids, took a few months maternity leave each time, and every single time I went back to work I felt like how the hell can I do this?! And it was only months that I was off, not years.
It really sounds like you’re getting a good handle on how to manage everything, and I am so impressed.
I run hot too and 85F sounds horrendous. In my last job I would be surrounded by people wearing scarves, jackets, etc. and I’d be in short sleeves plus a fan. (Um, I mean I’d have a little fan directed at me too, I don’t mean I was wearing a giant palm frond.)
(Though now I’m wondering how that would even work.)
I am also really impressed with Spy! I thought it’d be “mousy secretary type enacts revenge and develops some skills and kicks butt and there are some funny moments”. Which I would’ve been fine with! But instead it was “good agent with potential and skills allows herself to take a back seat to another agent, then she takes a front line role and does really well, plus it’s funny!”
And all that happened without making fat jokes. McCarthy did lots of running and lots of believable action and we didn’t get Fat Person Comically Has To Ask Others To Wait While She Puffs For Air! The movie also values people with different skills, such as the back seat admin role that her friend then does for her. I really like that Melissa McCarthy’s character was GOOD at the back seat admin stuff, and we saw that it sure wasn’t EASY, but her taking on the role that she should’ve been doing wasn’t done in a way to devalue people who are better at doing the admin work.
Also I love Miranda Hart anyway – her sitcom is great.
Also also I really dug that there were SO MANY WOMEN IN IT.
(VERY SMALL SPOILER) And the ending was great – the reinforcement of female friendship. (VERY SMALL SPOILER IS OVER)
Jason Statham was a hoot and a half.
I also really liked Melissa McCarthy in Heat with Sandra Bullock. You’ve probably seen it. She’s great in that too, very competent and funny and crass as hell.
YOU MAY’VE GATHERED THAT I CURRENTLY LIKE MELISSA MCCARTHY A LOT.
I had panic attacks and doubts about a job I started. I HATE training in new jobs. I’ve now been here 12 years! Give yourself a period of time to really evaluate if it is right for you – say 6 months.
Oh and old ladies are ALWAYS COLD. OBNOXIOUSLY SO. They wear a sweater in 90 degree weather and moan and complain about how cold they are. I sympathize.
You are doing so well! I went back to work first part time and then 18 months later, full time. I can’t remember the adjustment period with the part time work (It’s been almost 9 years) but I remember it took me a full year to get a handle on full time work with four kids. I did not know how it was ever going to be possible to do it all. And by all, I do not mean things like clean the house and do the laundry. I mean grocery shop and take care of sick children. It all worked out and now it’s 7.5 years later and I would say I have a much better handle on things. BUT! I have an awesome employer and a flexible schedule when absolutely necessary. So, I’d say give it some more time, decide what you can let slide/have the children pitch in more with, and try to stick it out until they are back in school and you readjust to the new norm. You seem wonderfully suited to the work.
I didn’t comment previously, I don’t think, because my job is so different (real estate management; very corporate and office-y, with lots of spreadsheets). But I always tell people just starting out here that it takes a solid 6 months to really feel like you know what you’re doing and every day isn’t a “wait, what the hell do I do in THIS new situation?” And a good 18 months before you really feel you could change and do something else entirely in the company, because you’ve got such a solid grasp on what you do and how it works with the other departments. I think this helps people realize it’s totally normal to not immediately know everything, and that it’s ok to ask for help.
So I think it’s great that you are giving it a chance, and also that you asked for help! And I think as someone else said, back to school will be an adjustment, but you know that now and hopefully that will help it be less painful, just different.
Check out Frogg Togg chilling towels. They are fantastic! Might help you out if you’re getting hot at work. :)
SLEEPWALKING?! Whaaaa????
If you start going all Birbiglia we’ll have to make you a special safety suit.
One of my best friends was talking about going back to work next Summer now that her youngest child is in K and I nearly barked at her not to go back to work for the first time in 11 years in the Summer because Summer is a logistical and financial nightmare for families with two parents who work outside the home. Rather than being the most relaxing season like everyone on TV and movies pretends it is, Summer is, for us, a three-ring logistical circus. It is absolutely reasonable that you are feeling overwhelmed. It should get better once school starts and everyone is back to a solid routine.
Also, I don’t want to be overly personal or pushy, I don’t mean to tread on anything here or give assvice, so disregard this next part if necessary. I’ve had three friends return to work after being SAHMs for years and in all cases there was a time when they had to have a serious come to Jesus talks with their spouses about doing more around the house/with the kids/with scheduling etc. The working parent was so used to having everything taken care of and not having to help as much that when the SAHM went back to work she was totally overwhelmed because she was still expected to all of the SAHM stuff AND work and it’s not possible. It’s not reasonable to try to do all of the things you were doing PLUS a job. Something’s got to give and if you don’t like the job, that can be the thing, but if you do like the job, it’s got to be household/kid stuff. OK enough assvice.
I can’t believe you’re only a *little* overwhelmed. This all sounds very overwhelming! I think you’re handling it wonderfully!!
So, different world but similar anyway- I have worked full time the entire time i have been a parent, out of necessity. I would say it took me really a year to get my feet on the ground, after each kid (and longer than that after my third, #3 really handed my ass to me). The logistics and emotions are different with bigger kids but I still think you should be patient with yourself and give yourself time to figure out a routine- live thru each of the seasons with your job- before being too hard on yourself. (well, I wouldn’t ever be hard on yourself. before making drastic changes? that doesn’t sound right either, because of course if something is godawful when school starts you shouldn’t wait a year….gah, maybe you know what I mean.)
I wish you lived near me. My Dad has Parkinson’s and has great caregivers, but he’d love you. It is hard for me to interact with him because he has really delayed speech now. How do you handle that? Like, I ask do you want this or that and he may or may not respond. I have trouble when he doesn’t because I know he heard and is trying but words won’t come. I think doing what you are is a really special job that not many can do. Thank you for doing it.
I have trouble with that part, too. On my application, they asked what I thought I’d have the most difficulty with, and I said I thought I’d have the hardest time if the client and I had trouble understanding each other.
What I do with delayed responses is, first, as you’re already doing, leave a gap. “Being casual” during that gap is the worst, but I’m getting used to it. If possible, I ask a question while I’m already doing something else, so I’m not standing waiting for an answer, making the person feel pressured. Like, if I am tidying up some laundry when I say, “Would you like some coffee?,” it’s easier to act casual while waiting. But that doesn’t always work, of course. And then what to do if the answer NEVER comes! Well. It’s difficult.
I think it will get better for you once the kids are back in school and you don’t feel responsible for their every move on top of your own work. I’m glad you’re having moments of “this is why I’m doing this” satisfaction.