I had my first real shift at my new job, and today I am feeling very low and sad, which is completely expected. I feel like I bumbled everything, like I radiated idiocy, etc. But that will get better. There is just no way to skip the newbie stage.
One of my major issues was that about 90% of the job is “you just have to know” as opposed to “it’s written on the sheet of duties.” So for example, “make dinner” is on the sheet of duties, but here are the things I don’t know:
1. What they like to eat
2. Whether they like the gravy on the mashed potatoes or on the side
3. Whether I should cut up the food
4. Whether they like a frozen dinner to be microwaved, or put in the oven
5. Whether they want condiments/salt/pepper nearby
6. Whether they use a napkin or a paper towel, and where the napkins are
7. What plate they like to use, and whether it can be breakable
8. What utensils they can handle
9. Whether they eat at the table or in front of the TV
10. Whether they’ll tell me if something is wrong
11. How to work this particular microwave
12. What they like to drink with dinner
13. What cup they like to use, and how full to fill it
14. If they generally eat dessert afterward
15. How much warning they need that something is hot
16. How to know if they’re done eating
17. Whether they’d clear their own dishes or if I’d do it
18. How dishes are done in this household (this is a huge multi-part unknown thing)
19. Whether leftovers are saved and, if so, in what and with what markings?
20. And if leftovers are NOT saved, are they trashed or sink-disposal’d?
It was completely exhausting. I felt like I didn’t even know how to cook. Like I was new not just to the household, but to ADULT LIFE.
And there were many, many other things like this. Such as that the client likes to have a glass of juice poured and left in the fridge before I leave, and that I should close the curtains in the living room, and that I should leave a light on in the stairwell. None of these things are written down: the caregivers just learn to do them, and then they Just Know. (In my case, a member of the family was there and told me.) I think they should be written down, but I can see how that would be difficult to do times two hundred households.
Paul points out that if I’m in this situation, that means EVERY caregiver is in this situation with EVERY new house. That IS somewhat comforting. It’s not that I alone am inexperienced, it’s that the system is set up so that even a caregiver with ten years of experience will come into a new household just as bumbling and dumb as I am. Whether it SHOULD be that way or not is irrelevant: the upshot is that it’s not just me.
Then there are ALSO the things I don’t know because I in particular am inexperienced. Things like, don’t close the toilet lid, and keep fresh gloves in my pocket, and make sure there are no wrinkles in the absorbent pad, and call the office if this or that or this other thing happens. I’m not even smooth yet about when to wear gloves and when not to.
This is what I miss about working with co-workers. In all my previous jobs, I worked WITH CO-WORKERS, which means someone is always right there to ask, or to volunteer a correction, or to show a trick for doing something better or more efficiently. Working on my own, I feel like I have to figure out everything from scratch—and there’s no one to ask. It takes “fake it until you make it” TOO FAR, I think.
What I would LIKE is to be allowed to follow around some other caregivers on their shifts, but I don’t know how to ask my boss for this. It feels as if they’ll think (1) I must be a poor fit for the job, if I need more training than they usually give, and/or (2) I’m trying to get paid for more training, instead of for real work.
Maybe down the line you can make a suggestion that certain preferences (like light on in hallway, juice in fridge) be listed on a paper on the client’s refrigerator. My grandmother in law has something similar on her fridge.
Either way, sounds like you are doing well and it will get better!
But you did it, and now that First Day is finished and things can only get better! (I know it doesn’t erase how you feel but you know, silver linings.) high five!
i saw “Inside Out” last night so I will just tell you that you are so right about all of this, and Joy is hurrying home as fast as she can get there. Also, go see that movie so you will understand this comment. Take Kleenexes.
I think that you (and Emily) are right and some of those things should be written down and left somewhere obvious at the client’s home.
When my grandmother had in-home care, we had a notebook. The caregiver would write notes in the notebook (what she ate, how much, general attitude/health/outlook, bathroom use, medications give, etc.) When family was there, the caregiver had the day off and we would write similar notes. That was also how we changed things. (“Oh, Grandma doesn’t like those cookies anymore. We tried these and she liked them.” “Medication A was causing side-effect B, so we talked to the doctor and he said to stop giving it.”) Because you are right, that she would sometimes tell us about something the caregiver did “wrong”, but never tell the caregiver… The notebook lived on the kitchen table. (Some of the notebook notes may have been heavily influenced by my mother’s nursing experience.)
I think the fact that you care about all those things is what matters. I’m sure you’re doing great and it will get smoother with more experience.
Okay, so you know I’m a nurse and I’ve only done home care in nursing school, but I’m kind of shocked that you don’t have an orientation time with your clients, especially if you are going to see the same ones regularly. I think it’s TOTALLY REASONABLE to ask for a shadowing experience. Granted, if it’s not normal for this agency, you may have to do it on your own time, but an hour in a home with an experienced caregiver would probably answer over half of those Particular To This Client questions. Did they train you in a classroom-like building and then send you to someone’s house without a partner?! I would be floundering, too, especially because some of our elderly are QUITE PARTICULAR in their ways. You could ask if there is a resource available – another employee’s cell phone that you could call if you have questions.
You are probably not super comfortable trying to change a system, but a good orientation program where people feel relatively comfortable when they are cast out of the nest increases job satisfaction and lowers staff turnover. It’s in your employer’s best interest to make sure you know what you’re doing. Carefully worded feedback might be taken well.
I remember when I was a CNA in a nursing home and we all liked to take care of our own group of residents for this exact reason. *I* knew that Cornelia wanted her table placed HERE with her water HERE and her tissue box at a 90 degree angle to her glasses case (THIS IS A REAL EXAMPLE) but not everyone did.
I do expect that your comfort level will increase quickly and you’re right in that you can’t skip the newbie stage. If your clients are independent enough to be living at home, they should be able to answer your questions, too. Some of them might be more patient/helpful than others, but there’s nothing to be done about that. They’ll have to deal with it if they want you to perform well. I also think your clients are probably aware that there are variations in the care that they’re provided – if there are no notes, I doubt that EVERYONE is doing things the EXACT same way no matter what everyone says. I work in a procedural area and we have lists that tell us which doctor wants to use what equipment, but the individual doctors are always SHOCKED to discover that not everyone does it THEIR way.
I have elderly parents, and we have had to have caregivers come in from time to time. From that viewpoint, let me tell you how wonderful it is that you care about those things, and about doing a good job. Some of the caregivers we had acted like they were hired to move boxes around, for all the thought they put into it. Your clients are very lucky to have you.
I agree that you can ask to shadow. You would probably have to do it on your own time, so maybe to make it less awkward, you could make that clear up front. I agree that shadowing as part of your training should have been the norm, but since it isn’t, there is no harm in asking. You could say something like, “I noticed on my first round there were a lot of unspoken “rules” that weren’t written down. Is there someone who I could shadow for a couple hours of their shift to help me get up to speed quicker on what those rules are?” Or something to that effect. I don’t think it will signal that you’re a poor fit for the job because you’re asking for more guidance. I think it signals that you’re proactive and interested in getting up to speed and learning from others instead of just floundering around on your own. And I’m surprised there isn’t someone you could call while on shift if you have a question about a procedure or when to/when not to wear gloves. I know that’s not the same as having someone right there to demonstrate something, but it would help you feel less alone. Hang in there, you’ve got the right attitude. Being a newbie is hard in anything, this too shall pass.
Just the fact that you are thinking of these things already means your clients are so fortunate to have you. Think of it like having a niece or nephew visit for two weeks. At the beginning of the visit you don’t know their preferences, but you are a caring person so you listen and learn. By the time a couple of weeks go by, you are in a routine and things seem much easier. It may be like when Paul’s aunt and uncle came to visit: upfront stress/smooth sailing after a few days. I’m so excited for you! Thanks for sharing your new adventure.
The fact that you even CARE about these things is a positive. My advice would be—don’t be afraid to ask the clients what they would prefer. And not to worry too much about doing things the wrong way. You’ll learn what each person wants and most reasonable people won’t mind if things aren’t exactly done the way they’d expect them.
I have a lot experience in being the primary caregiver who received care like this. I *knew* that the first time someone came it would be hard for them and no matter how much information we in the notebook (there is a notebook – right!?!) it wouldn’t be smooth until they had come for a few times. The agency I worked with did try and find out who my grandmother preferred so that they could assign them again.
Also, please know that elderly people are often very grumpy and wouldn’t think things like – well, this is how I like to drink my coffee, so this is how the whole world drinks their coffee and doing it any other way is WRONG. Also, the person you are caring for likely cares about how *you* feel about *them.* I know my grandmother “had it out” with a caregiver she thought didn’t like her. Basically the woman looked grumpy a lot. So, smiling, sincerely a lot, really really helps.
This reminded me SO much of when my dearly beloved spouse, (who sees the two children an hour in the morning and the evening) poured the juice in the wrong cup / didn’t ask child2 which plate she wanted / forgot to leave on the hall light / gave child1 hot food and child2 cold food, and so on. I’ve had this experience with both grandmothers too. All highly competent and intelligent people who just don’t know the ins and outs of day to day minutiae. Or when we began living together my spouse basically trained me not to leave dishes in the sink and now I do it without a thought and give each other sympathetic looks when our parents do it wrong. All that to say you are totally normal and have probably been the expert yourself many many times. Generally, the expert knows they are and gives the non-expert grace.
And to echo above, don’t be afraid to ask. Should I put the water here or here? Do you prefer x or y? People LIKE to give opinions and advice. (See every comment section ever).
Ohhhh so much sympathy for you. I agree with you and the others, things will get easier! But wow it’s a steep learning curve.
You’ve almost definitely thought of this already: can you at least have your own notebook where you write down preferences for each client? (Or do you have to go to different ones each week so there’s no point?) At least then you’ll feel more confident after each time that you have the knowledge required to get it a bit more right next time for that person??? I know for me, even when it’s something I’ll definitely remember, writing it down anyway makes me feel significantly more confident.
Best of luck and thank you for writing about all this. It’s really interesting!
I hate that feeling SO MUCH and hate even MORE that the best way is just Through It. But it WILL get better. And what a great list of questions you have come up with for future clients/client families! That is a start!
I feel like I would be much more angrily stuck at the SHOULD stage, because this is a problem that SHOULD NOT happen, since it’s so easily fixable. (Relatedly – I’ve created ‘how to’ manuals for almost every job I’ve ever left, because even though these problems SHOULD NOT exist, very few people realize just how much information you need to get up to speed in a new position.)
Caps lock emphasis aside, this is something that wasn’t nearly as common in the shift work I did with people – if there’s no notebook-type of thing at people’s houses, I’m honestly kind of shocked. Or the people might be a lot more independent than I’m imagining, so it might be a situation where they can correct any of the big mistakes. Which doesn’t make the issues around preferences any less stressful for the new staff, but at least isn’t dangerous.
So much sympathy on the stressful part of it, and major kudos to you for not being nearly as indignant as I would be in your place.
There are notebooks, but they’re best for current communication: like, it’s easy to look through the last page or two and see the most recent situation. But things such as the client liking a glass of juice in the fridge are either many notebooks ago, or were told verbally at some point. What I kind of need is a GIANT CHECKLIST.
Swistle, you made it through the first day! That is awesome! Is it weird that I’m proud for you and we’ve never even met. I think some of this awkwardness is probably just part of the job, but that you will get more and more comfortable with time. Sort of how when I first left my first baby with a sitter, there was a long list of instructions–but now with multiple kids the only instruction is “keep them alive!” I think you will be such a wonderful caregiver.
First days are so hard! Starting a new job is so hard! But caring that you do it well is a sign that you are a good employee, and will go far. Honestly. Hang in there, think about ways to suggest they could improve in future, and take comfort that it will get better and better.
What everyone else said. About everything.
Also, I am not as familiar with how this business works as I’m sure you are, but at least in my geographic area I do know any number of people who use or could benefit from it and my quick observation is that there is not an overabundance of willing, caring, energetic people seeking positions in this field (especially not all those adjectives + fluent speaker of English-without-an-accent-such-that-an-elderly-person-who-might-be-hard-of-hearing-and/or-confused-can-readily-understand-the-assistant). Which is a mildly circuitous way of suggesting that if your major “flaw” as an employee is wanting more training and/or advice-input … I really cannot imagine this making you unemployable, or even difficult to employ. And that’s even if it DOES annoy your employer that you want these things, which of course it shouldn’t.
You are really doing a great job. It’s so obvious that you care, the families you are helping will take notice and love you for it.
I feel like shadowing is normal/necessary. I mean…if you have to shadow a restaurant server for like a week before you can wait tables on your own, why wouldn’t you shadow a home caregiver before going maverick?
One side note: leftovers and amounts of food aren’t supposed to ever go in the disposal? I thought that was the rule? They CAN but they Should Not? For better disposal life and workings? I’ve always been taught mostly it goes in the trash and the disposal is for the leftovers that don’t get off w/general scraping into trash?