Smoothie Recipe Failures; Recommendations for Horror Novels Written by Women

I have been trying some new smoothie recipes, and so far my assessment is that there are a LOT of gross smoothie recipes. This morning Rob took a taste and said, “This is so not fair.” I drank mine but I felt I was suffering significantly for my health and should therefore get at LEAST double credit in terms of long life and disease prevention. For example, I like broccoli, so I’m not unreasonable: I ask only for regular health/nutrition credits for that. But if I eat something I hate, ONLY because it’s good for me, I want EXTRA credits. Plus additional credit for not wasting food, when I attempt a recipe that is not successful but I eat it anyway because it’s nutritious even though it’s yucky.

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Do you have recommendations for horror novels written by women? I’m getting kind of tired of some of the themes I’m seeing again and again and again (oh, we’ve established it’s a BAD person/monster raping and torturing women, so that makes it okay to make the scene REALLY LONG AND DETAILED), and I wondered what it might be like to read some horror not written by a man, and if that might change the themes a bit.

I’ve read several by Shirley Jackson. I tried Anne Rice quite awhile ago but it didn’t click for me. Other recommendations? Preferably recent rather than, for example, Mary Shelley; even Shirley Jackson wasn’t as modern as I’d prefer. I’m thinking more along the lines of authors who are currently writing, less along the lines of early examples of the emerging horror genre. Older books tend to have plots that were new and scary at the time, but since then have been so often re-done that they can now seem tame or obvious. Basically I want Stephen King, but a woman. Stephanie Queen.

40 thoughts on “Smoothie Recipe Failures; Recommendations for Horror Novels Written by Women

      1. Marilyn

        I loved Dark Places and couldn’t get it out of my head for days, but Swis, I feel like you might want a warning that some pretty rough stuff happens to kids in it. I read it before having kids and I feel like it was hard enough then.

        Reply
        1. Swistle Post author

          Oh, man, you’re right: that’s definitely a category I like to avoid. I should have thought to mention that in the post. Well, I’ll keep a sharp eye on the jacket descriptions!

          Reply
  1. Shawna

    I don’t have anything to suggest in the way of horror books, but I confess to a burning curiosity about your smoothies. I’ve never met a smoothie I didn’t like (mine are pretty much all a little sweet though), so what could you be putting in yours that makes them so bad?

    Some of our faves are:
    – frozen banana, coconut or almond milk, greek yogurt or cottage cheese, cocoa, instant coffee, baby kale/baby spinach mix, and vegan protein powder (this is my 6 year-old`s fave)
    – frozen banana, fresh or frozen strawberries, coconut or almond milk, greek yogurt or cottage cheese, baby kale/baby spinach mix, and vegan protein powder
    – fresh or frozen strawberries, frozen mango, orange juice, greek yogurt or cottage cheese, baby kale/baby spinach mix, and vegan protein powder (maybe a little frozen banana if we want it to be sweeter) (this is my 9 year-old`s fave)

    My husband`s smoothie never changes: frozen banana, frozen blueberries, fresh or frozen strawberries, orange juice, vanilla yogurt

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      The one I wouldn’t even finish had fresh ginger root in it. It turns out we all hated the taste of fresh ginger (even though we all like the dried powdered kind). The other dominant flavor was grapefruit, which I liked, but there was nothing tempering the sour except the ginger, so the combination was like: “Bitter-sour! And now, while you’re still reeling from the surprise of that, a smack across the face with some ginger!”

      Today’s, which I drank but didn’t like, had cocoa powder in it and banana for sweetness. I’d thought that might be good, but instead it was like “BANANA! And now a hit of something bitter that you thought would taste like chocolate, but no!”

      Normally I do the usual yogurt/fruit/spinach type, but I’d thought we should try something new for variety.

      Reply
      1. JudithNYC

        You deserve TRIPLE credit. I love fresh ginger and I like grapefruit but I don’t think that I would like them together.

        OMG–I googled citrus and ginger to see if maybe I had forgotten some food that I like which includes both and the first recipe had citrus juice, fresh ginger AND coffee. That is just wrong.

        Reply
  2. Robyn

    Mira Grant! Specifically the Newsflesh series (political thriller in the context of a world post zombie apocalypse, where humanity has come to terms with the ongoing threat and made some interesting adjustments to the way people live their lives. She writes female characters who pass the “I can imagine a real person in this situation acting the way this character just acted” test. She also gets the science right!

    Reply
  3. Celeste

    GoodReads has this list: https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/women-and-horror

    I can certainly recommend Flannery O’Connor. I’m a northerner, so Southern Gothic really took me by surprise with its intensity.

    I like suspense better than horror, though. I recommend Sharon McCrumb. Her stories are always set in Appalachia, where the living is not always easy. The movie “The Songcatcher” was based on one of her novels.

    Reply
  4. alexa

    I’m not a huge horror fan (I’m a chicken) but one of the book review blogs often review horror and young adult horror: http://thebooksmugglers.com/?s=horror A quick scan looked like they were mostly written by women.
    The Book Smugglers review a lot of science fiction and fantasy that is mostly but not all young adult. And I always have a running list of things to read from their website.

    Reply
  5. Jenny

    A few women horror authors:
    Sara Gran (Come Closer in particular)
    Margo Lanagan writes a mix of fantasy and horror. A lot of people really loved Tender Morsels (one of her novels) but I loathed it. Her short stories I liked better, and she has five books of them. I’ve read Black Juice.
    Elizabeth Hand does the “strange” or the fantastic more than outright horror, but I would recommend it.
    Sarah Langan
    Holly Black is more for the YA crowd but is genuinely creepy.
    Tananarive Due is solidly in Stephen King territory
    Susan Hill might have only one horror novel out (The Woman in Black) but it’s a good one.

    There are plenty of others, but that’s a pretty good start. Shop around and see what appeals.

    Reply
    1. Rbelle

      Because I have small children and it’s a hassle to get out of the kid’s floor of our library, I read almost entirely Junior and YA fiction. Holly Black’s The Coldest Girl In Cold Town was one of my favorite books I read last year.

      Reply
  6. Cherie

    I can’t read horror, so I’m useless there, but my smoothie must is canned pineapple (the rings, not crushed. Crushes is clearly made from a lower grade of pineapple). It makes everything sweet and yummy.

    I’ve pared down my smoothies to a very basic:
    greens (spinach or this new “juicing blend” that I mocked in the store but actually really like)
    banana
    3-4 rings of pineapple and some of the juice

    Simple, cost-effective, and I find it tasty.

    Reply
  7. rebecca

    Came to suggest the earlier Gillian Flynn books but I see them in the comments. I enjoyed Laurell K Hamilton for awhile then tired of the Anita Blake series. Try Chelsea Cain. I’ve googled and researched and concluded maybe women just don’t get published much in the horror genre. Bummer.

    Reply
  8. Kate

    I will recommend Lauren Beukes — her stuff is sort of a hybrid between the horror and detective genres and includes well-developed female protagonists and interesting conceits. I really enjoyed Zoo City, which is maybe more detective/fantasy than strict horror, but is really good. Recently, I loved Broken Monsters, which is more horror/detective.

    http://www.amazon.com/Lauren-Beukes/e/B001K8AAVA

    And I’ll second/third the Gillian Flynn rec. Loved all of her books.

    Reply
  9. Annika

    Nova Ren Suma’s books are more magical realism than straight-up horror, but if you like Shirley Jackson, I think you will like her. Courtney Summers writes contemporary YA, but one of her books (This Is Not A Test) happens to take place during a zombie apocalypse. Wait, two, because it has a sequel (Please Remain Calm) I haven’t read yet, because I enjoy sleeping at night.

    They both happen to be friends of mine. But their books are critically acclaimed so I don’t think I’m particularly biased.

    Reply
  10. Natalie

    Horror isn’t my thing either but Ruth Rendell is my fave for horrifying instead -psychological thriller type stuff.

    Reply
  11. Alice

    I loved Night Film by Marisha Pessl. It’s technically a thriller, not horror, but I found it to be pretty darn scary. What I really liked is that the scariness isn’t all from blood and guts, but because you (the reader) as well as the characters in the story can’t always tell what is real. But one of the characters is a filmmaker that did cult horror films, so that brings up the horror level in the book.

    Reply
  12. allison

    Second for Mira Grant (Feed trilogy – best zombie books EVER) and Tananarive Due (very Stephanie Queen, especially The Good House. Gillian Flynn is more suspense than horror, IMO. Also, Beware the Wild, Natalie C. Parker (horror/dark fantasy), Into the Grey by Celine Kiernan, The girl with all the gifts by M.R. Carey, Kendare Blake (good YA horror), Sara Rees Brennan (really good YA fantasy/horror), Holly Black, Sarah Rayne.

    I only do very basic smoothies – strawberries, bananas, mangos, some kale, some guava nectar or coconut water, orange juice. I hate fresh ginger unless it’s very, very mild and blended with a lot of other stuff. I give you all the credit ever for finishing that one.

    Reply
  13. Melissa H

    amazing how many recs you’re getting on the books. Too bad I don’t read horror.

    On the smoothies, i say don’t branch out: Plain yogurt, some fresh fruit, some frozen fruit, milk or juice. A banana if you like creamy and done. Eat a salad at dinner, not in a smoothie (in my opinion :)

    Reply
  14. BRash

    Things I found surprisingly delicious added into a smoothie with grapes, avocado and dates. Avocado made it silky smooth, dates and grapes are just to make them sweet albeit less healthy if watching fructose or carbs.

    Reply
  15. Emily

    I’m too much of a chicken for most horror but I have a friend that LOVES it and when I asked her she recommended Sarah Langan and Elizabeth Hand (both are already suggested but I thought I’d second them).

    Reply
  16. EG1972

    You didn’t ask for smoothie suggestions but I have to recommend adding chia seeds to whatever smoothie you like. I thought it was funny/trendy at first but I now LOVE them. They do have a texture that people seem to either love or hate but are full of fiber and protein and omega 3s.

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      We had them for the very first time today! I want to try them again in one of our usual smoothies: it was hard to tell what they contributed to today’s, since the whole thing was so unfamiliar.

      Reply
      1. ButtercupDC

        If someone had described the texture of them to me, I would’ve though, “yuuuuck,” and never tried them. But I love them! And, I guess, keep loving them for an hour or so after I finish my yogurt.

        Reply
  17. Gigi

    Well, I’m not sure if what she writes is classified as “horror” but Stephen King’s wife is an author. Tabitha King. I’ve read a couple of her books years ago – sorry don’t remember names or plot.

    Reply
  18. Alison

    Some of these may be more “thriller” than “horror” but still scary/disturbing and good:

    Broken Monsters, Lauren Beukes
    Dark Places, Gillian Flynn
    Night Film, Marisha Pessl
    The Gretchen Lowell series by Chelsea Cain (definitely horror)

    I also liked Bellweather Rhapsody by Kate Racculia, though I think it’s technically YA and not particularly gory. Inspired by The Shining though, and a fun quick read.

    Reply
  19. Alison

    Oh and Help for the Haunted by John Searles – a man yes, but I think the storyline is a bit different from what you mentioned.

    Reply
  20. Matti

    I read, and really liked S J Bolton’s “Blood Harvest (“S” stands for Sharon). It was scary to me, I have a low tolerance for horror, but have read some Stephen King and others, though much of it was long ago before I had children and when I actually sought out scary things. She has written a few other books, but I think this one was her best so far.
    And yeah, fresh ginger is offensive. I just overwhelms everything else in a dish. But I wholeheartedly second the pitted dates recommendation in smoothies. Bananas do not add enough sweetness for cocoa powder, but dates do. Also, I find that lots of ice cubes or frozen fruit helps to make cocoa powder less bitter and more smooth in smoothies.

    Reply
  21. Jenny

    The Little Stranger and Affinity, both by Sarah Waters. The Little Stranger legit gave me nightmares, and although I found Affinity hard to break into at first, I could not stop thinking about it afterwards for months.

    Reply
  22. Tam

    ‘Anna Dressed in Blood’! It IS YA, but it’s a marvellous ghost story – genuinely gave me the creeps at one point. And the girl characters are written well.

    I’ve liked some Tananarive Due, but mostly, I’ll admit to just loving the sound of her name. She seriously has the best name to say aloud.

    If you want a sampler of Mira Grant, try the novella ‘The Day the Dead Came to Show and Tell’. I actually think it works well as a brilliant, haunting metaphor for all the ways we’ve tried to lock down our schools and keep our children safe against the horrors of school shootings. I read it, and couldn’t quite get it out of my head.

    Reply
  23. Niki

    Nthing Mira Grant. I held off reading her Newsflesh series because I didn’t really want to read about zombies, but I love her urban fantasy (under her real name, Seanan McGuire), so I finally started and whoa, it’s good. It struck me as very Stephen King-like. All of her horror is biology- based (man-made horrors involving science, bacteria, parasites, virology, epidemiology), with a strong emphasis on character- and world-building.

    Reply
  24. Kathleen

    I’ve never read her, but I see Tana French recommended highly all over the place. I think her books are categorized more as mystery/thriller, but could be similar to what you’re looking for!

    Reply

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