We saw a lawyer about making a will. His strong opinion was that we should instead make a trust, which costs twice as much. (And I was very glad to have the comments on that post, to brace me for the cost.)
One of the hardest parts of dealing with knowledgeable professionals, I think, is knowing when the money is affecting their advice. I feel the same way when getting car repairs done, or especially with dental work. It is lovely to imagine all such professionals doing what’s best for their customers without any thought at all to profit, but we’re all human beings here. Money IS an issue. A BIG issue. It’s not bad or unethical to prefer to make more money instead of less money.
********
We are at a nice peaceful stage right now with Edward’s Crohn’s Disease: he’s on a medication that seems to be working for the time being. (With Crohn’s, this could be permanent but it’s more likely to be temporary.) The pediatric gastroenterologist is seeing him once a month; each time, Edward has to miss a day of school because the pediatric gastroenterologist is a 2-hour drive away. Also, these appointments involve city driving, which I hate so much: one-way streets, pedestrians walking right out in front of cars, cars stopping right in the middle of a lane, parking garages, cars swooping to cut me off, and the HONKING OMG. City driving is like everything I dislike about people, condensed.
And the traffic is its own thing. With something as unpredictable as city traffic, I’m surprised city offices even make appointments at certain times. It seems like instead they’d give appointments for “morning” or “midday” or “afternoon,” and then it would be first-come-first-serve from there. I have to watch for my exit a couple of miles in advance, because it can be backed up that far. Luckily the parking garage guarantees sufficient parking for all patients, but it can still take forever to find a space (why are so many people parked over the line? WHY??), and another forever to wait for an elevator that has room in it. Last time I realized we should have taken the stairs: walking eight flights down would have been two or three times faster than navigating the elevator, and that’s what we’ll do next time.
It’s very frustrating to do all this for something that could be done over the phone: it takes most of the day and significant frustration and stress (city driving) and expense (gas, parking), and the doctor is just asking a few questions and then saying, “Good, good, come back in a month.” My mom and I were wishing it were more routine to be able to pay one’s co-pay for a doctor appointment over the phone, where we could accomplish the same thing in 10 minutes instead of six hours.
Anyway. It’s good that the medication seems to be working. Edward is growing and gaining weight, which are extremely good signs. He’s noticeably more cheerful and energetic. At his next blood draw they’ll test his iron, to see if he even still has anemia or if it’s gone.
Excellent report — glad to hear the diagnosis/medicine is helping him feel better!
I think of wills and trusts as being inextricable, like the trust stuff (creation of the trust, naming of executors and trustees, etc) would be part of the will. Regardless of whether they’re separate documents or part of a whole, though, it is more complicated and time-consuming to create a trust as compared with drafting a basic will, so I am not surprised that it’s more expensive. There are a lot more variables with trusts rather than just being answers you can plug into a template. Still, I see trusts as necessary from both a legal and a practical viewpoint, so to me it’s worth the added expense. (If you care for me to elaborate, I can.)
Thank you for the updates; I find it so pleasing that you provide them so we’re not left to wonder what happened about X!! I’m really glad the meds are working so far and Edward is feeling better. Is there any chance the doctor would entertain doing at least some of these appointments over the phone? I think some offices are starting to accept copays for phone consults, for all the reasons you mentioned, so maybe there is a way to save yourself some grief.
Glad to hear it is going ok with the Crohn’s. I wonder if the gastro would be willing to work with someone more local to you or spread your appointments out a little more while things are going well?
We went to a pediatric gi doctor the other day (recurrent c. diff. infection) and I thought of you and was wondering how Edward was doing. I’m so glad it’s going well! Maybe you could see about asking the doctor for a 6 week re-check schedule? With the obvious disclaimer that you’d bring him back in earlier if he seemed to be doing worse but it would save you one trip at least.
I was getting so frustrated with my peds office because they wouldn’t just order the re-check for c. diff. and they kept making us come back in and then doing nothing more than ordering a re-check. So it really felt like they were just taking my time and money for no good reason. Common sense seems to be losing out to policy, at least in my experience. But I think if I had talked directly to the doctor, I might have received a different result because every time we’ve actually seen him, he seems very realist and reasonable.
Hurrah for Edward! I think I might run the idea of a phone consult by the doctor, too. I hate driving in the city.
I so feel your pain on the driving. I have to work in such an environment every day! It literally takes 10 minutes to reach my desk from my car so I am pretty much always late. And anytime I think “I’ll just run an errand on lunch” I immediately regret it because yes, the honking and the sudden parallel parking and good lord the pedestrians.
Also glad to hear the meds are working. And I read the title and thought, wait, one of the children isn’t named will, are they? Ha.
I thought the same thing when I saw “Will”!
Our Pediatric Rheumatologist is in a big city 2 hours away and they just opened up a satellite office one town over that advertises “telemedicine”. So I’m pretty sure we will go and check in/weigh/do vital signs with a nurse and then talk to the doctor on an ipad or something? I am intrigued. What is that commercial where the kid’s face is on an ipad that is attached to a big robot that is wheeling to class? I would like for it to be like that.
So glad that Edward is doing well on his new meds.
Also this is my favorite quote from today: “City driving is like everything I dislike about people, condensed.” Because YES.
I’m so glad Edward is improving so much!
Your lawyer’s advice is the same as what mine would be. A simple will is not appropriate for people with minor children. At my office a will with contingent trust for minor children is three times as expensive as a simple will, but a simple will would be pretty much a useless piece of $300 paperwork for your family until the kids are adults. And then if you both passed away before the kids were grown, someone would have to set up a trust for your assets being left to the kids after the fact which would be even MORE expensive, PLUS you wouldn’t have a say-so (because you’re dead).
I can’t even express what a huge relief it is to have confirmation of what the lawyer said! I feel so much better about it now! And also, some of the things you said made me understand better what he was trying to tell us at the time, AND finally solves the puzzle of why I found our willmaker-software will so hard to figure out: I really COULDN’T do what I was trying to do.
That’s pretty much what I was going to say! In sum, I think contingent trusts are essential because they help keep children of deceased parents from either blowing through insurance proceeds or fighting over the money (if they’re older). The trust and trustees keep the children from having unfettered access to money until they reach a certain age (or until X event happens — you get to decide how it works). A trust can also protect the estate from people outside the family, like if a child eventually has a divorce situation or anything like that after reaching adulthood, he or she would be the only one with rights to the trust (not the spouse/ex-spouse). So yes, it saves trouble and expense in the future, and gives you some sense of control over that aspect of things.
Yes, this was the argument that convinced us to get the trust. It was more money up front to save a LOT of money for our children if we died. I strongly recommend going the Trust route.
I’m so glad to hear Edward is doing so well, especially that he’s gaining weight! I know it feels so great to see your child thriving where they weren’t before. :)
Quick PSA: keep track of your mileage & parking expenses for all those doctor visits; they count toward your total medical expenses for IRS purposes.
I’m very glad to her Edward is doing better. I know it’s been a long time worry. The appointments do sound like a hassle, though.
Really glad to hear good news about Edward!
Ugh, city driving. Once upon a time I thought nothing of it at all. Now that I’m a country person I get the shakes just thinking about it. My ability to city drive has completely worn off. I think when you do it a lot, though, you develop a sense of what crazy antics people are most likely given the situation, and you’re able to size up situations more and more quickly. May it be so for you, and with all possible speed.
I’m so glad to hear that Edward is improving.
I hope you can figure out a way to deal with those horrible city-driving appointments. I live in the suburbs of our city; I’ve lived here for 14 years and I can honestly say I drive into the downtown core about once a year or maybe less. I avoid it like the plague. One-way streets, tons of pedestrians, exactly what you said. It gives me heart palpitations.
Oh, I am SO GLAD to hear that Edward is doing well!
Really a joy to hear that Edward is doing so well on the 6MP! My husband took that for about 2 weeks but was one of about 10-15% of patients who are allergic to it. Ick! I am SO happy to hear it’s working well for you all.
I vote, also, that you ask the doctor (not the nurse or receptionist staff) if you can call in and have a phone appointment perhaps every other month or whatever schedule he recommends. If he’s not drawing blood or other essential gotta be there stuff, it’s a very reasonable request, considering your distance.
Just seconding others’ suggestion to talk to the doctor about a phone-in appointment when there’s no need for a blood draw or other lab tests. Just last week I read that some insurance companies are covering phone visits at a reduced rate–everyone wins. Also, I’m sure you already avoid appointments that involve rush hours and Fridays, but ask around about other days. Sometimes Mondays and Tuesdays tend to be slower, as people tend to push errands off until later in the week.
Also: You can get labs done locally and have the results faxed to your doctor, which might also support a phone-in consultation.
I am glad Edward is doing better. What a relief to be doing something, and having it be working.
I also endorse finding out if you can do the consults over the phone, or arrange for labs nearby, or whatever. That’s a lot of driving just to check in.
Good news about Edward, and WORD on the city driving for doctors. I badly need new orthotics, which I can get from my chiropractor who is local and an easy, serene drive. But first I have to go to my doctor downtown, for a prescription for our insurance, which is stupid because I’m NEVER not going to not need them, so why do I have to get one every time? So I”m putting off going, and in pain all the time, and it’s just a ridiculous situation. I totally feel you.
Great to hear about Edward. Is the city the sort of city where there is good public transport + parking on the outer fringe? Because when I face a city that big I have been known to park and ride in, though I will note that the workability of this of course depends (also) on the proximity of my actual destination to public transport.
Wills: we met with two lawyers in the same practice and while the first one advocated trusts the second one said really we, personally, just need a will. We went with lawyer #2. There is a trust that gets created if we keel over, for our son’s assets, until he reaches certain ages (it is a gradual payout), but no actual trust in existence, now. But of course your situation is different (many more kids, for one thing) and you are almost certainly in a different state (US, as well as, you know, perhaps mental/philosophical), and may have more, or less, or more or less complicated assets than do we. So, that is not legal advice (obviously), just me musing in your comments for some mysterious reason. At any rate, glad to know you are making progress on the whole thing!
maybe you have looked into this but have you thought of looking into fecal transplants for the crohns? google it and you will find info on it and that they are doing studies now for using them for different ibd’s. there is a lot of info on the web about them. good luck with it.
Yayyy!!! I’m so happy Edward is improving!
Interesting – I live in Canada and our will covered when our kids would get their inheritance and who would be in charge of it until then. Is this a trust? If not, I’m not sure what the difference is because our lawyer didn’t suggest anything other than a will.
I just read this and thought of you – I think it would be cool to have the doctors available this way, if it really works!
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2014/04/how-to-see-doctor-without-leaving-your.html